Nice, Easy and Simple (Avengers, Tony/Steve)

[shingetsu]

Title: Nice, Easy and Simple

Fandom: Avengers

Pairing: Tony/Steve friendship (or slash, if you've set your goggles on to the highest setting)

Summary: Steve’s been temporarily paralyzed from neck down and doesn’t want to sneeze without covering up. Tony helps out.

Disclaimer: The Avengers are not mine, if they were, I'd have them sneezing throughout the movie ;P

A/N: Okay, alright *deep breath* So yeah, long time fanfic writer and sneeze fetishist, first time sneeze fetish fanfic writer (oh wow, that's a mouthfull) And this *gestures awkwardly* Yeah, so...yeah. Short little ficlet to kickstart things, I guess.

En-joooy!

--

It was supposed to be simple. Nice, easy and simple, those were the very words of one agent Coulson. But then again, Coulson spent a lot of time being Fury’s lapdog, so his words are probably not the most reliable of words.

Nice, easy and simple. Tony scoffed. Yeah, right.

There was nothing simple about infiltrating an underground maze of molotov cocktails that changes human bio-chemistry in a way that even Bruce can’t figure out. There was nothing easy about fighting a mad scientist with an endless supply of super-powered minions. And there was less-than-nothing nice about Captain America or as he is known off field, Steve Rogers, being paralyzed from neck down.

The villain of the week defeated, thanks to a certain god of thunder and your not-so-friendly neighborhood big-green-and-angry, the underground potion lair blown up by two very explosion-happy assassins, which left Iron Man to literally carry Captain America to SHIELD medical.

Which was the least nicest, easiest and simplest thing, since Steve kept saying he was fine and insisting that they should be helping the rest of the team with clean-up.

“Friends don’t let friends go home paralyzed” Tony quipped once at SHIELD. Steve just screwed up his face and sniffed. Something in his expression seemed familiar but Tony couldn’t quite place it.

Minutes passed and Tony remained where he was, perched at the head of Steve gurney, while the SHIELD medics poked and prodded him with more needles. Seriously, how much blood did they need to run these so- called-tests? Also, the last thing the man needed after being paralyzed by a prick of a needle was more needles. Tony mentally set the layout for inventing a prototype polymer for Cap’s suit so the bad guys can’t simply stick needles up Captain America’s ass wherever they felt like it

He said so to Steve after the entourage left following several pointed glares on Tony’s part. Steve started to smile but his expression gave way once again to that scrunched up look.

“You okay?” Tony threaded carefully.

Steve’s breath hitched.

“Ya…ah..yeah. Yes” His eyes were glazed, Tony noted, and a little red.

“Really, ‘cause you don’t look okay”

“I’b fide Tody”

“Or sound okay”

Steve ignored him in favor of scrunching his face up again and twisting his lips into a thin tight line. Tony was starting to think facial paralysis, stroke and other really bad things when Steve sniffed a wet, congested sniff and then it all made sense.

“Steve, you-if you have to sneeze, go right ahead. Don’t hold back on my account” But still Steve shook his head stubbornly screwing up his nose in a vain effort to subdue the tickle.

“Come on, just let it out” Patience had never been one of his virtues.

“Id’s not polite” And Tony rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know about the 40s Cap, but the future’s pretty fine with sneezing. That may come as a shock to you but--”

“Heh…hhh..ah…” Steve forced the sneeze back and sniffled. “Id’s not the sneezing, Tody, I can’t move my hands--”

“That’s the definition of paralysis, yes. And last I checked my name wasn’t ‘Tody’”

“--So I can’t cover my nose and mouth when I..ah…hhh…” Steve's lips puckered into a desperate upside down 'U' shape.

“Oh Steve, trust me, I’m the last person to care about proper manners.”

Steve’s eyes fluttered and his breathing bordered on erratic, and seemingly through sheer willpower he twisted his nose and somehow managed to not sneeze. It was beyond frustrating for Tony just to observe.

Why can’t it ever be nice, easy and simple?

Steve was a shade fairer than Tony, and his light skin unfortunately made the flushed quality of his nose all the more obvious. Pink, constantly twitching and the mucous glistening at the edges, Tony could only imagine how torturous it felt for Steve.

Sighing, he eased off the gurney and rifled through various medical equipment till he found a box of tissues, several of them in fact. He deposited them all haphazardly on Steve’s lap before jumping back up and banging his head on the headboard in process.

“Ow”

“Tody, what’s all this for?”

“Again with the ‘Tody’” To which Steve gave him a pleading glance, even as he tried to unsuccessfully sniff back up the snot trailing down his upper lip.

“This is so that your conscience is clear, and mine too” Tony plucked a tissue out and folded it twice before wiping under his friend’s nostrils and holding it there.

Steve, for his part, looked mainly embarrassed, and grateful and apologetic and embarrassed all over again.

“Thang--Tody, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to--I--hhh…heh...hhhh…” Apparantly this was a sneeze he couldn’t win over, since he moved his head away from Tony, but Tony kept the tissue planted over his nose “Hh'MPHsshh!” It was obvious that he tried to stifle it, but seeing how it wasn’t his own hand holding the tissue he didn’t succeed entirely. “Heh-HSHH'u!” The expulsions were warm and damp even through the tissue, and more than a little spray caught his wrist, but Tony didn’t exactly mind per say. For one, this was Steve, who sat through Tony’s binge drinking after effects. For two, this was Captain America, and even his snot was pretty interesting, chemically speaking. Tony should snag a sample for Bruce.

For another, this was surprisingly nice, easy and simple compared to the other options of looking away and pretending he had selective blindness while Steve made a mess of himself or leaving Steve to his privacy while he made a mess of himself.

“You’re a mess” Tony blurted unthinkingly and Steve’s face flushed a deeper pink if that were possible.

“Dorry” And sniffed.

Tony quickly swapped tissues and aimed the used one for the bin at the end of the room, and missed by a good 5 inches. Damn.

And Steve sneezed, his spray better contained in the tissue this time.

“Heh-ketch’uu! Hh-heh-ch’u! Hhh-atkch!” His breath hitched for more, but then subsided.

“You done?” Tony ventured after holding his position for an extra minute, even though warm wetness seeped through the tissue onto his fingers.

Steve sniffed again in response, looking miserable.

Tony threw the tissue to the corner of the room, again missing the trash. His hands were a bit sticky so he wiped them subtly on another tissue.

Not subtly enough because when he gathered another, Steve pointedly turned his head away, the only part of his body that he could actively move, and lay sniffling into the pillows.

“Oh, come on, Steve, it’s no big deal. Really, it isn’t. If you want, we could forget this ever happened when this is over. Just let me help you, just this once.” He held the tissue up and Steve reluctantly turned back.

“You don’t deed do--“

“I don’t need to, I want to. You’re my friend” Tony plucked two more tissues and tucked them around Steve’s nose. “And you make less sense than usual with a stuffy nose, so, blow.”

Steve averted his eyes but blew through his nose, gently at first, but when that didn’t break through the thick layer of mucous, he pushed harder and consequently louder. Tony pressed down gently one side and then the other and repeated until with one last crackle Steve sighed and relaxed.

“Better?”

“Much” He cleared his throat “Tony…”

“If you say you’re sorry” Tony interrupted “I might hit you with something. And I’m warning you, I see a lot of cardboard boxes lying around handy--”

“…Thank you”

“Oh” Tony uttered eloquently “That’s…er…fine? Okay? Good? I..you--welcome! You’re welcome.”

“It’s just that I took it for granted, you know, hands, feet, moving. Not just from the serum, but before, I may have had the shortest legs and the smallest hands, but I always had them and I could move them”

“You still can” Tony added quickly “I mean, right now you can’t, but the paralyzing effect is only temporary and it’ll wear off before you can say ‘achoo’ ” He mimicked the sneeze in an unrealistically high pitch.

Steve chuckled weakly.

“At the rate I’m going, you’ll have to break your promise sooner than you expect” His breath hitched slightly and Tony readied another tissue but the sneeze never came forth.

“Steeeve” Tony warned “I thought we were over this”

“Sorry” he sniffed “Force of habit”

Tony hesitated and then laid down next to him on the gurney. Steve looked like he wanted to shift to make some room for him but couldn’t move, so it was a little crowded.

“That wasn’t a promise, by the way. You have to say ‘I promise’ before a promise for it to be a promise. For example, ‘I promise you won’t sneeze uncovered until it wears out’. See the difference?”He held Steve's gaze for a beat longer than needed to, and flaunted the tissues in his hand for a good measure, just to make sure Steve got it.

He apparantly did.

“Thank you, Tony”

“You’re welcome, Steve”

See? Nice, easy and simple.

--

[Ciuty80]

gaaaWWWDDDDddd! :drool:

if been waiting for another sweet avengers fic for so long

and now i´m thrilled this was so extremly awesome...adorable...CUTE!!!!!!

thank you SOOO SOOO much for writing this!!!

i LOVE it!!

[Parksborn]

Christ, that was adorable~

Great job!

[SpookyScarySkeleton]

Luve it. ^.^

[hails]

Omggggg this is so cute! So welll written; thank you!!!

[Dye]

Gaaaahhhh, so cute! I can't stand it!! <3333

[ID2006]

Yay, dream scenario right there!

[Meala]

My feels for this cannot be expressed through words. <3 you are amazing. and i love you <3 and i love STONY! DAMMIT <3