Church (SPN fic)

[SexualOddity]

I finally have meme fic! It always seems to take me a while to get going with my first fic, but I'm aiming for prolific from here on in. This was from an AWESOME prompt from our own senberet, which I'll share at the end.

--

Say what you like about him, John Winchester prepared his boys well for hunting. And it wasn’t just your blanket military training, either. He gave them what they needed. He taught Sam how to continue to be light on his feet, even after a ridiculous growth spurt took him up about three shoe sizes in as many months. He taught Dean how to keep his mind on the job, even when teenage hormones started to kick in, and Sam would testify that Dean does at least know how to, even if he doesn’t choose to use the knowledge all that often. Perhaps the most impressive of all, he taught Sam how to manage his whole set of stubbornly persistent allergies, how to hold back sneezing fits when he’s trying to be inconspicuous, or even to use them to his advantage when they need a quick distraction.

Sam would like to bet, however, that even John would have a hard time coaching him through this particular Church service.

They saw the signs outside the Church just minutes before the liturgy was due to start, which a good thing probably, because the massive arrangements of lilies at each side of every set of pews might have been enough to have Sam backing out of the door. But this is exactly where they need to be. They’d been in town for all of ten minutes and this was billed as a memorial service for the victims of what was reported as a bear attack, followed immediately by a town meeting to allow the grieving community to ask questions of the relevant authorities. They couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity to gather intel quickly.

They’re about half an hour into the service and Sam is struggling, honestly. As much as they are still a regular annoyance he’s been managing his allergies for such a long time that he’d thought he had a handle on them. They’re not long out of allergy season, though, and the scent of the lilies is hanging so heavily in the air that Sam is amazed that he’s the only one in a room of about eighty who is ostensibly suffering. Worse than that, the priest had been followed in by a tall guy in robes with one of those Church incense holders that Sam is pretty sure has a specific name. Thank goodness, he hasn’t used it since the very start of the ceremony, but Sam is keeping a wary eye on him.

“There will follow a time of silent prayer for the deceased.”

Sam groans inwardly. A distraction would be really Goddamn welcome right now. Prayer, liturgy, someone talking about their lost loved ones… whatever. Just about anything that would draw his mind away from the storm of irritation he has penned between his finger and thumb. He draws the fingers of his free hand forcefully across his cheekbone, trying to squash away some of the deepest tickling, but only really succeeding in squeezing and concentrating it into the remaining space. It’s so damn tempting to blow his nose, or at least to have a decent sniffle, but as he looks around the room it’s all heads bowed and contemplative prayer, so he pushes Dean’s bandana hard up under his running nose and hopes that that will soak up some of the moisture at least.

He’s just about seen out the silence with plugging his nose and holding his breath, when Dean elbows him in the arm. When he looks across to meet Dean’s eyeline he sees to his horror that the tallest altar server is standing up again with his incense.

“Oh…dno dno dno dno dno…” Sam mutters under his breath.

The guy holds up the golden container in front of him and clinks it against the chain that holds it. Once. Twice. Three times. Tears leak out of the corners of his eyes.

“HuhhEHH’HHHMMMPPTTCH!”

And oh God, he’s never thought about how loud he sneezes until he hears it echoing off the stone walls of a Church during a religious memorial service. He screws up his face, as much in embarrassment as in desperation, but it doesn’t shift the sickening knowledge that he’s not finished. That he’s sat, having an allergy attack during what’s basically a mass funeral, and that he’s not sure he’s going to be able to stop.

“HAH’ESHHhh! ESHHH! NhhhUhh’PPPT’chyew! KhhhUSHHah! NNnnNNT’CHAH! KssHUHH’CHAH! HUH’MmmPSHHHyew! HEHK’TCHYEW!”

Sam grasps his nose between his fingers and the heel of his hand and forces his shuddering breathing to slow, shuffles in his seat and stares and his feet and dares not look up at the congregation, much less take another breath of the pollen-and-incense heavy air. He feels Dean lay a consoling hand against the small of his back and wishes his brother would just whisk them both out of there.

The rest of the ceremony passes with itching and with choked back sneezes that threaten to set him off into fits of coughing. Finally, the congregation reaches it’s loudest as it sings what sounds like an old memorial hymn. Hoping to God it’s loud enough to mask him, Sam pulls the bandana back from his face and for the first time really lets himself sneeze.

“HurrEHTCH’TCHYEW! TSHH’SHYEW! TCHhHYEW! KUH’HISHHhYEW! ISHH’YUH! ISHH’YUH! ISHH’YUHhh! HuhHISHH’YUH! Ahhh… Hahh…HuUHH’ASHHH’YEW!”

Sam takes his time wiping back the tears from his eyes, winded, and not even remotely keen to see the reaction of the congregation to his outburst. He’s not at all surprised to see the eyes of the room on him, but frankly, a little taken aback as packs and packs of Kleenex are thrust into his lap.

“Uh… umb… thandkyou” he mutters.

“What’s wrong with you?” pipes up a kid from the row in front.

“Jusdt allergies… the flowers andd indcense andd stuff.”

“What you here for, gents?” The voice comes from the opposite side of the room, and Sam notices the glint of a medal on the breast pocket of the speaker. He hopes to God that it’s not the mayor.

Sam’s mind swims. They’ve not had time to come up with a decent alibi, and usually he’s the one to step up if they’re put on the spot. But Jesus Christ that building itch is getting to the point of being agonising again, and as much as he clenches his teeth and presses the heel of his hand against his nose, he’s afraid that he’s very quickly going to start up with an allergy attack, with the attention of the whole room on him.

“We’re here to…” Sam starts, hoping the words will come to him as he speaks. “Hopindg to… uhhh…”

“We’re looking to buy some property for our Mom…”

“HahhESHHH’SHYEW!” The sneeze tears out of Sam the second he realises Dean is covering for them, like he hadn’t realised how pent up it had been… “Hih…Hehh…Huhh…Uhhh… HEHH… UHHH… EHH… HhhHHT’TCHYEW! KHHH’TCHYEW! UHTSHHHYEW! KHHTSHHYEW! Tuhh’UHHHSHYEW! TUSSHHYEW! Tuh’USHHHYEW! HuhhhISHHHYEW!”

Sam takes the fresh bandana that his brother holds out for him. And it’s only after he’s blown his nose, wiped his eyes and looked out across the Church that he realises that the priest has taken up a seat on one of the front pews and is looking at him expectantly.

“Uhh… Excuse mbe, I’bm sorry. Whadt did you say?”

“You would sit through a service that made you, well, more than uncomfortable, to fix up a nice, safe place for your ma.”

Sam sniffs. “Uh… Yes. Yes I would.”

The priest nods, sagely. “We have a few things to sort out boys, but afterwards we’ll try to tell you what you need to know.”

Sam takes a fresh tissue from one of the donated packets and leans in closer to Dean.

“Good talk” he offers.

Dean claps him on the back.

“Impressive allergy attack.”

--

PROMPT: There is a case at a church and they have to sit through a service (one with several silences to allow for prayer). Lots of incense burning and fresh flowers. Guess who is allergic?

(bonus points if they have to interview someone directly afterwards. In the same building)

[ID2006]

Yay, so glad you took this.

[stephab13]

Amazing prompt, amazing response. Looking forward to the continuation? Please :-)

[SomethingClever]

beautiful. I mean like really, really stunning.

thanks.

[Sawyer]

I know that I already left you a really long comment at the meme but gooooddddddd I just wanted to say AGAIN how much I enjoyed this...

[BlueRandom]

Great prompt, great fic! The bandana mention is super cute, and I love awkward/embarassed Sam. And the way Dean's still looking out for him. Thank you!

[Zebra]

Holy hell...sneezy Sam in church...this is wonderful!! I can't even articulate how much I enjoyed this! Thank yyooouuu!!

Dean claps him on the back.

“Impressive allergy attack.”

^^^^ aahhh

[Zwee]

Can I just say... I love the way you write. I love how you nearly always open up your little stories with tidbits of insight into the boys' lives, and it's always thoroughly entertaining, because I'm just sitting there, SO excited for whatever it is this first paragraph is leading up to... and it's always astoundingly wonderful. Like... way better than I even imagine.

That being said... THIS STORY WAS TOO HOT STOP BEING SO GOOD I CAN'T HANDLE IT--but seriously NEVER stop, it's so good. I never thought about how many things in a church could wreak havoc on someone's (Sam's, let's be honest, it's always Sam's) allergies. And I love it.

Thank you!

[SpookyScarySkeleton]

I love this c: continue update anything

[shingetsu]

Oh wow wow wow, this was nice! :DDD