CANTerbury (Cabin Pressure, m)

[tma]

Author's Notes:

1) There is a reason that I emphasised the can't in the title (it is a lame pun )

2) This is the first time that I've *ever* written in this fandom... so I hope that I haven't completely mucked up the characters.

3) This is the very first time that I've ever written something sort of comedic that is a sf fic. So... yeah.... it was a different type of thing for me.

Anyway... I hope that you enjoy it. I had fun writing it. Any comments or suggestions are (as Arthur would say) "brilliant"!

**Canterbury**

“So, I see that you are working on your next animal impression,” quipped Douglas.

“What?”

“Well Martin, thus far you have down the tragic puppy dog eyes, and the nervous chipmunk voice when you are trying to being official and failing. Now it appears that you are expanding your range to include rabbits.”

“Rabbits?”

“Yes. Rabbits,” answered Douglas giving Martin a pointed look as the younger man was simultaneously sniffing and wrinkling his nose.

“Oh.” Martin flushed slightly. “Yes… well… it isn’t on purpose.” He turned to the side and tried to discreetly scrub at his nose with a knuckle and forefinger.

As the flight (and the necessary flight games) went on, Douglas noticed that Martin’s voice would waver, halt, and then after a little bit there would be a sniff and he’d resume as if there had been no interruption.

Finally he’d had enough. “Martin, that’s enough! Just sneeze for heaven’s sake!”

“What… I… but… “

Douglas just raised an eyebrow.

“Ummm… yes. Well… the thing is. The thing is that I can’t”

“Really Martin, one’s soul does not really leave one's body. You will manage to survive.”

Martin rolled his eyes. “No. I mean that I cah… huh… ugh… can’t.”

“I have heard worse things and I can promise you that I shan’t lose the respect that I hold for you at present.”

“Which is next to none. No, Douglas. It isn’t that I don’t want to. Although… well… I’d rather not. But that isn’t the point. The point is that I actually can’t.”

At this point Arthur came into the flight deck. “Can’t do what, Skip?”

“Many things,” murmured Douglas.

Martin shot Douglas a dirty look and responded, “Nothing. I’m… fine. Everything is f… iii… huh…ummm… fine.”

“Yes… clearly,” responded Douglas dryly. “Arthur, Martin is currently finding himself unable to sneeze.”

“That’s a shame. Sneezes are brilliant!”

Martin gave an annoyed look as he rubbed at his nose. “Really? Is there anything that you do not consider to be brilliant?”

Arthur pondered the question. “Yes…. Well… maybe… there is… there is… “

Douglas sighed, “There is your father. Now you can get on with your explanation of why this particular activity has been deemed to be brilliant.”

Arthur smiled. “Oh… well… that’s easy. Just the whole building up of that tickling feeling, where it feels like there are chicks in your nose; only, really there aren’t actually chicks in your nose, because that wouldn’t really work. Well.. unless someone had really large nostrils. Which I don’t think…”

Douglas and Martin said simultaneously, “We know you don’t.”

Douglas continued, “So is that your reasoning?”

Arthur shook his head. “Well… only part of it. It’s more the part afterwards, because then it feels *really* good to have the chick out… or whatever. It’s a bit like jumping into a pool on a hot summer’s day, isn’t it?”

Douglas looked over at a glassy-eyed, wriggly-nosed Martin and quipped, “Well I would rather hope that no one is going to be splashed today.”

Arthur’s eyes brightened, “I have an idea” and then raced out to the galley.

Once Arthur had left Martin said, “Oh God! You have to help me.”

“I am flattered by your opinion of me, but I haven’t quite reached Godhood.”

Martin scowled and made a sound that was a cross between a groan, whine, and growl. “That eiiii…. “ His eyelashes fluttered and his eyes started to tear up a bit, as his head tilted back. He stayed like that for a couple of seconds then sighed in frustration. “Just help.”

Douglas finally took pity on him. “Here.” He turned off the cabin lights.

“What is that..”

“Wait.” After a few minutes he said, “All right, look up” Martin obliged and after handing Martin a small stack of tissues he turned on the lights and there was a light directly over his head.

Martin immediately started panting as the prickling came back full force. His light blue eyes closed, and his trembling lips parted.

Huh.. g’chmpt… eiX…hmph… chmpt.”

“God Martin, you sound like a engine that won’t turn over.”

Martin shot Douglas a dirty look, before stifling another trio of sneezes.

“You do know that that won’t work?”

“What won’t work?” Martin said thickly, and then turned and tried to blow his nose as quietly and inconspicuously as possible.

“Pinching them off like that. It doesn’t get rid of it.”

‘ “Oh… and you are some k.. kind of an eh… expert? g’chmpt”

“Bless. Well… have you ever heard me sneeze more than twice?”

Martin paused, “No.. but… I don’t want to sound like a…a… loud blasting thing.”

“Oh… you’d rather be a sputtering motor for a much longer time.” Douglas shrugged. “Well.. it’s up to you.”

After pinching off another trio of sneezes, Martin rubbed at his sore nose, and then sighed once more. “All right. Fine.”

Douglas just raised an eyebrow.

“I might as well.. tr… triiieh.. ehChuh… hehEiTchuh Ouch!” Two forceful sneezes burst out of Martin, and as he twisted quickly to the side, he managed to bang his head on the window.

Douglas bit back a smile. Only Martin. “God bless you, sir”, he said smoothly.

Martin nodded, rubbed at his head and then chuckled. “I thought that you said that this would make me feel better?”

“Apparently I forgot to remind you of the dangers of a forward thrusting head in an enclosed space. My apologies.”

They chuckled. Then suddenly Arthur burst in. “I’ve got it!”

Mutual groans met that announcement.

**The End**

[VoOs]

I love you.

That is all. :wub:

“Oh God! You have to help me.”

“I am flattered by your opinion of me, but I haven’t quite reached Godhood.”

^In-character perfection.

*floats away on happy cloud*

[kestrel]

Well, this was the best thing to wake up to in the history of everything ever!

Brb, dying from Martin-y adorableness!

[hails]

Omigod.

Love!!!! Gosh, it's just so amazing~

[Vetinari]

Oh... I have no idea of the fandom, but I do love the way you write. That was lovely thanks!

[a red nine]

I am also unfamiliar with the fandom, but this story is simply darling! I just can't get over how cute it is. Everything is, but a few points stand out as just being particularly aruawrj;awr:

“Well Martin, thus far you have down the tragic puppy dog eyes, and the nervous chipmunk voice when you are trying to being official and failing. Now it appears that you are expanding your range to include rabbits.”

“Rabbits?”

“Yes. Rabbits,” answered Douglas giving Martin a pointed look as the younger man was simultaneously sniffing and wrinkling his nose.

“Oh.” Martin flushed slightly. “Yes… well… it isn’t on purpose.” He turned to the side and tried to discreetly scrub at his nose with a knuckle and forefinger.

As the flight (and the necessary flight games) went on, Douglas noticed that Martin’s voice would waver, halt, and then after a little bit there would be a sniff and he’d resume as if there had been no interruption.

Finally he’d had enough. “Martin, that’s enough! Just sneeze for heaven’s sake!”

“What… I… but… “

Douglas just raised an eyebrow.

“Ummm… yes. Well… the thing is. The thing is that I can’t”

These kinds of conversations always get me. Really great, thanks for posting!

[Jorm]

Hee! XD I keep forgetting how much I love Cabin Pressure and the ridiculous interactions between Douglas and Martin especially. And you've got Martin's sort of adorable hopelessness down perfectly.

I can only imagine what Arthur's "solution" was going to be

[Always]

Ahhhh, tma, this was lovely! The whole situation flowed brilliantly, and their little banter was spot on and just, guuh well done!

[Heathcliff]

I'm so glad you did decide to write this! This was brilliant- you really captured the feel of the show (especially Douglas' quips, I could just imagine them in Roger Allam's voice ).

Also, the sneezing didn't really feel out of place- I felt like this could have been a real script. Maybe I have made a mistake by neglecting fan fiction for so long...

[SpookyScarySkeleton]

It's so interesting mon dieu

[AngelEyes]

Recently "discovered" i.e. finally got around to listening to Cabin Pressure and am totally hooked! Even captured the attention of my 11 year old road trip companion's attention long enough to not drive me completely batty! This fix is Brilliant! LOL. Perfect characters!

[stargazer]

I'm absolutely in love with this.

Oh how I wish Martin sneezes in the final episode, whenever it will be released.