Asexuality

[bloom]

good point. I've had this fetish since birth. Maybe it's the fact that all around me, other 13/14 year olds are getting their sex drives, and even though I'm an early bloomer, I'm not.

And after reading the few replies after mine, I have this to say:

Ha. lle. lu. jah. Hallelujah.

I never realized that other people felt the EXACT SAME way that I do! I feel like I did when I first found this forum. It feels so awesome to see that having absolutely no thoughts and/or interest in sex whatsoever isn't just some weird thing that only I have. I can have romantic feelings (I like to cuddle, too. And I wouldn't mind kissing a dude), but it usually stops there. I love that I'm not the only one. Makes me feel a whole lot better about this

I'm straight and I don't want to belittle anyone for having any unusual sexual desires (if I did I would be a hypocrite for being on this fetish forum)

When I was that age, I remember girls acting like sex and porn were disgusting, but nowadays my female friends seem a lot more horny. Your female friends who claim to have a sex drive are exaggerating, and you can't expect a 13/14 year old girl to know whether she wants to have sex. Also nearly everyone who claims to have sex at that age is lying and they certainly fooled me at the time. Don't worry too much about what your sexuality is now, you won't truly know for the next couple of years.

You know, I actually find this attitude really disrespectful. Plenty of people have sex drives at 13/14 and if someone at that age chooses to ID as asexual because they feel incapable of sexual attraction, then more power to them. When somebody says "you won't truly know until [whenever]" it really minimizes the experience of what a person is going through right now, even if they do end up IDing as something other than asexual later on in life.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

I agree, Junia. While many people don't fully understand their sexual identities until they're older, it's not uncommon to feel a certain way very strongly as early as pre-puberty, and even much earlier than that for romantic (as opposed to sexual) orientation. Even if it turns out that your feelings do change (as mine, or at least my understanding of them, did), that doesn't make them any less real or valid right now.

There's also the issue of how old is old enough. For years, even before I understood that I was a*sexual, I knew with 100% certainty that I did not want to have children. I had good reasons, both physical and emotional, for feeling that way, and yet--even into my mid-20s--I was told at every turn that I would change my mind, that I was too young to know what I wanted, even that every woman eventually wants kids. I have even had doctors refuse to consider possibly life-changing treatments because they might render me unable to have children.

Since coming out as a*sexual, I've had similar things happen: my GP told me I just hadn't met the right guy (funny how he assumed it would've been a guy), lab workers have told me I can't guarantee that I'm not pregnant (because obviously I must be having sex if I'm in my late 20s), and someone who I trusted to be okay with it (who, to be fair, quickly realized his mistake) told me I couldn't know who I was or wasn't attracted to, and how, until it happened.

So, yeah: I think we need to respect that people are ALWAYS entitled to their own sexual self-perceptions, whether or not we personally see those perceptions as what we feel is accurate.

[bloom]

There's also the issue of how old is old enough. For years, even before I understood that I was a*sexual, I knew with 100% certainty that I did not want to have children. I had good reasons, both physical and emotional, for feeling that way, and yet--even into my mid-20s--I was told at every turn that I would change my mind, that I was too young to know what I wanted, even that every woman eventually wants kids. I have even had doctors refuse to consider possibly life-changing treatments because they might render me unable to have children.

Mm, yes, this. This infuriates me on every level. No, I do not want children. No, I will not change my mind. Having children would devastate me both physically and emotionally and even if it wouldn't, I don't want them. But people refuse to accept this. I've been told everything you have and more, definitely.

But on the flip side here, and this definitely relates to sexuality: Nobody will ever question a 13 year old girl who says that she wants nothing more than to be a mother when she grows up, because it's the norm and because it's accepted. It's the same for various sexualities; everything other than "heterosexual" is side-eyed, sometimes even by accepting people. "Are you sure?" "But how do you know you only like [gender x]?" "You don't want to have any sexual relationships ever?" "Oh, you'll change your mind when you get older."

It's extremely frustrating.

[Kuchafya613]

There are people who are called asexual fetishists (of which I am one, though I don't call myself by that name). Basically, for these people, their fetish replaces their drive for sex. So they might not want to have sex, but their fetish is their substitute.

[AnnaTheConda]

Wow, I honestly did not expect to find a post about asexuality on here, but I'm glad you brought it up because I'm asexual as well! Always been this way, and even when I view something sneeze related, my body is sexually aroused but my mind isn't. I can't think about sex or else it's just a huge turn off. I have zero sexual desire and almost no desire to be touched, held, or cuddled. I haven't even kissed anyone or had a relationship it makes me that uncomfortable. But who knows, that could change in the future. Do people grow out of it with time? I still have the capability to love someone (I think), but I just don't like expressing it physically. Is this borderline aromantic?

[Orionbob]

Thanks, AnnaTheConda, for reviving this thread! My sexuality still really confuses me, but I currently identify as grey-a. Great to know there are so many other asexuals here!

[HoneyBunny]

There are people who are called asexual fetishists (of which I am one, though I don't call myself by that name). Basically, for these people, their fetish replaces their drive for sex. So they might not want to have sex, but their fetish is their substitute.

That's exactly the definition I've been looking for my entire life! Maybe I'm still going to develop a "conventional" sex drive, because I'm only sixteen and you probably shouldn't label yourself too early on, but as of now "asexual fetishist" is the most accurate description for my sexuality. Glad to hear there's others like me out there!

[Kuchafya613]

There are people who are called asexual fetishists (of which I am one, though I don't call myself by that name). Basically, for these people, their fetish replaces their drive for sex. So they might not want to have sex, but their fetish is their substitute.

That's exactly the definition I've been looking for my entire life! Maybe I'm still going to develop a "conventional" sex drive, because I'm only sixteen and you probably shouldn't label yourself too early on, but as of now "asexual fetishist" is the most accurate description for my sexuality. Glad to hear there's others like me out there!

Glad to hear it, too!

And yeah, I agree with not labeling yourself. I'm 17, and every time I try to put a label on myself, it just feels wrong to me for one reason or another.

[DragonDust]

Homoromantic asexual with a boyfriend. Still have fun with sneezes and a few other things~ I'm very interested in sex though, just not attracted to the idea at all

[ZoL]

I have a low sex drive, but I am still attracted to the opposite sex. Just not in a "omg you're so hot I want to bone you" kind of way. My interests are which I don't consider fetishes, I don't like the word or it connotation. I don't get much sexual pleasure out of anything that I am interested in, just a feeling of comfort or excitement that doesn't really go anywhere.

[YiffySneeze]

I may be an asexual fetishist. This means that I have no interest in sexual activities with people. I also lack the drive to have sex...Just not my thing. I have tried sex, and I hated it. In the past, my partners have complained that I only wanted to be sneezed on while I masturbated on furniture, and didn't want to do anything with them specifically. I only feel turned on by sneezes, and I actually do have a moderate to high libido. I otherwise have no sexual attractions to people. I notice that a lot of sneeze fetishists here differentiate between genders in terms of sneeze preference, and sexual attraction comtributes. That is to say, many here seem to be turned on when an attractive girl sneezes, for example, and less turned on (or even turned off) if someone they are not attracted to sneezes. I could care less who is sneezing, and the gender doesn't matter to me. I used to describe myself as "completely sneeze sexual"...I think that may constitute as a reason for me using the label of "asexual fetishist".

As a side note, I'm currently single, and somewhat glad for now. I'm actually half-tempted to consider myself aromantic as well, due to a significant lack of romantic love for people...although this is a bit more iffy, and I still need to sort through this part more.

[youkaineko]

After a nice, intereting conversation with my bf about how this would play out in the future (we've never come close to anything and i have no desire to) i read up on the Asexuality spectrum and concluded that the simplest was to describe how i am is heteroromantic demisexual. I think. But the only reason for even picking a lable was for the simplcity in explaining to him where i was sexually. Asexuals can have and enjoy sex, some only do it to please a romantic partner. As i've never done it i don't know if i would end up liking it or not, but i currently could not care less. And honestly i've never even explored it, if that isn't taking it too far, on my own. Never really cared to. I get the feelings of arousal from fevers/sickness/etc., and then i'm good.

(Also, i know i'm commenting late, but thank you for starting this thread. Sometimes i get so mixed up with myself and these conversations help me organise my mind about this subject. And its not like i can just chat with anyone about it xp)

[Smokey]

I often wonder if I could be Asexual, or if it's just the Aspergers/Autism in me.

[sneezyanimeboyfriends]

WOW I'm so happy I found this topic!! I felt like I was alone for a very long time, but yes I am asexual, and the only thing that turns me on is sneezing, and even then I'm not interested in having sex nor am I sexually attracted to people actually sneezing, just the sneezing itself.

[Jorm]

I find it really interesting that there are so many people here who fall somewhere on the ace spectrum. I wonder if fetishes are more common among ace folks.