G'neezes (M)

[Hai]

Preface: I've always wondered how Abe would sneeze. For my assumed anatomy of Abe Sapien look at the end. Cause it's boring and probably not very interesting.

This is a one-shot because, well, let's face it, not many other people are going to wonder this. I doubt there's an audience for a continuation. But I decided to write this for my own satiation and maybe that one other person that eventually finds this in a few years.

Abe does not sneeze with his nose but with his gills. Ha! Take that...fetish that focuses on nose...I know...

This is a lovely amalgamation of GDT's Hellboy and comic Hellboy. Liz is a redheaded snarky sharp edged waif of a woman in this story. The rest of movie .

* * * (That means the story's starting now!)

Hellboy walked down the halls of the BPRD lazily looking at vase after vase of large yellow irises, stamens protruding in obsessed procreation. The flowers were from a client whose house had recently been cleared of poltergeists. They were a wealthy family who owned a flourishing garden of exotic flowers and plants, likes of which were rare beauties. The gigantic irises were no different.

He had to admit, Hellboy thought as he made his way to the library, they did add a little panache to the place. Made it look good. Made it a little cheerier.

The large ornate wooden doors were ajar and he saw a slim woman with thin red hair resting just inside leaning against the other side. Liz's eyes were larger that the demon had ever seen and her cigarette had been dangling a while from her long fingers as the ash was long enough to eventually fall of its own accord, not needing the occasional flick.

"Liz? What the--" Hellboy started but Liz looked at him, startled and pulled him inside with an amused expression.

"Shh! Shh! Just watch," Liz said pointing with her cigarette, the movement too much for the small cylinder of grey ash as it succumbed to gravity and fluttered down to the floor smashing against the wood grain.

Hellboy looked to the subject of her fascination and found he was watching Abe pace back and with a book settled comfortably between his thumb and palm as he flipped the pages quickly, almost nervously.

"Wha--" Liz wasn't going to let the man talk.

"Wait for it..." Liz simply replied.

"You know he knows we're here. He's got his head in our...heads and..." Hellboy started, fumbling with words because he never quite understood the exactness of Abe's abilities.

"Shh!" Liz warned again. "Just..." She pointed with the blunted head of her cigarette again.

Hellboy huffed and crossed his arms.

Suddenly an odd expression crossed his blue friend's face. This was saying a lot as expressions weren't exactly Abe's specialty. But this was definitely an expression. His eyes widened as he paused in his reading and looked up ambiguously in front of him. His head wavered slightly and his hand raised as if by instinct. His mouth opened and shuttered and all of his body tensed.

Milky vertical lids fluttered over his large blue eyes until they closed and his third lid followed tightly. With an intense jerk of his body his gills flared and brightened and a sound sort of like a soft CHOO! seemed to escape the gill flaps while, nearly simultaneously, Abe's highest falsetto exclaiming HOO!

Abe's hand flew to his chest with a annoyed huff, obviously his breath being taken away. He groaned, miserable.

Hellboy's eyes widened and he turned to Liz.

"I know!" Liz agreed.

"What--?"

"I don't know!"

"Is he--"

"Seems fine after that. Five times now," Liz said finally taking a drag from her cigarette, excitement gone for now.

"Huh..."

Abe was now sitting down and a rumble hit his throat. An unexpectedly congested voice came out of their normal eloquent partner.

"Would you both please come through the threshold and sit down at least? I had my fair share of being ogled at my first few weeks at the BPRD, thank you," he said cupping his hand over his mouth in a raspy cough.

A bit sheepishly the pair made their way to the chairs across from the Icthyo Sapien. Both sat in their chairs a little nervously as if in anticipation for the next, whatever it was. Liz casually put out her cigarette on Hellboy's Hand of Doom. He spared a slightly offended look at that but didn't say anything.

"So. Abe. Buddy. You-uh-doin' alright?" Hellboy asked.

"I've had better days," Abe said, his voice clogged in a whisper for the last word. He cleared throat. "Sorry." He took a breath. "It's been like this all day," he said, cutting to the chase. "And before you ask, I have my suspicions as to what they are. These...attacks...uh..."

Hellboy raised a brow at Abe's pause. "And?"

"Plea..." Abe said weakly, holding up a webbed finger. His eyes closed again and he cocked his head almost in curiosity until a sharp intake of air caught him and he covered his mouth completely with his hand. A more strained look this time as instead of air escaping his flared gills came a thump as if something caught in his throat and a NXT! from behind his hand.

"Oh dear," Abe said. "That wasn't pleasant." His hand went up to his cheek and rubbed the offended area. Ouch. Pressure.

Liz's eyes widened again and after exchanging a glance with her counterpart who shrugged she slouched a little more in the chair and asked, "You alright?"

"Mm. Yes. Stifling them is--not preferable I'm afraid," he said, swallowing hard as if fighting with mucus.

"So, what are they? Some kind of seizures?" she asked.

"No. Well--no," Abe said clearing his throat uselessly. "I believe I might be allergic to our...gift of flowers from the Petersons. I think I'm sneezing."

Hellboy chuckled putting his hand over his mouth.

"Oh man. That's great!" Hellboy said.

"I'm glad you're getting so much joy from my misery!" Abe exclaimed trying to ignore Liz's snickering and letting out a crackly cough.

"I'm sorry, buddy. It's funny, though. I didn't know you could sneeze. Ha!" he nudged Liz's shoulder watching her smirk.

"Neither did I," Abe said slouching. "You would think if one didn't have the ability to breath through a nose one wouldn't have to worry about this. My gills obviously have similar reactions to abrasive environ--" He shuddered with an unexpected sneeze, his eyes flapping shut, his hands balling, and his head shaking in a disharmony of choo! and gntoo!

"Hey, just figured out what to call them," Liz said between chuckles. "G'neezes! Gilly sneeze!

Hellboy guffawed much to the miserableness of Abe who moaned from his new position of his head literally in the pages of his book.

***

Alright. Abe's upper respiratory system is much different than ours. His nose can detect smell, like a fish, but like a fish it doesn't intake any air. No sinuses in the forehead. Instead when he breaths air he does so through his mouth, cilia catching unwanted things in his throat. As for his gills becoming involved, I imagine that some pollen got on his gills causing an allergic reaction and them to react in the same way nostrils do, by trying to forcefully pushing out the intruders.

Now poor Abe has air escaping through his gills presuming there is a resource for carbon dioxide build up as his gills aren't connected to his lungs. And, additionally, the cilia in his throat react the same way simultaneously bringing in and out air to clear what's in his throat!

So there's my story! Hope you liked it!

[pinknose]

WOW

Okay, did not expect to see this in fic form today, but I gotta say I really like this.

I'm a total Hellboy fangirl so I'll probably end up reading this over and over and over.

I think it's really cool how much thought you put into this, the mechanics of Abe's sneezing and everything. I feel like I've just been science'd.

I wouldn't mind seeing more fics similar to this... *hint hint*

[Hai]

Hee! I'm glad you liked it! I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while now. And knowing that no one was going to write it, I took it on after much research.

I finally figured the reason why his gills were releasing air could be that there's a semipermeable membrane between his throat and his gills that only lets air out but not in. I mean, normally I assume that water comes in through the filters in his cheeks then the waste CO(2) comes out in bubbles. If he's sneezing I assume air goes out any which way it can get out.

At any rate. Obviously I've thought about this too much. Thank you so much for reading and replying!

[NameTaken]

Wow. You certainly have thought about this I love it! I've never read/watched any of the Hellboy franchise, but I really should.

This was super interesting. Your writing style is gorgeous, and I'm with pinknose- if you ever feel the need to, y'know, experiment further, I wouldn't object to any more fics.

[*Dark_Side*]

Abe has always been my favorite character in the Hellboy/B.P.R.D comics. I'm so happy someone has finally written a story about him.

[iety]

Oh my gosh, I love all of this from the style to the content right down to the dialog. This kind of just made my day