A walking encyclopedia of weirdness

[Quebecgirl]

Hi everyone,

So apparently I commited another sneezy story. It's a bit longer so there's probably more mistakes, but I'm trying.

I can't believe I'm posting this.

A walking encyclopedia of weirdness

Sam’s been watching Dean sneeze for well… Most of his life, really. And if he wants to be honest, Dean’s far from being the only one who caught his attention.

Some people sneezes in the exact same way every single time. Take Jess, for example: she would have these soft, tiny sneezes that would always come in twos. They were cute. Sam was especially found of the way she would shake her head and laughs afterward.

Sam himself, even if he never sneezes in front of other people, has a pattern. He sneezes two times, then there’s a short pause, and then he sneezes one more time. The last sneeze has a built up, witch the first two doesn’t, and is always the strongest one.

And then there’s Dean. Sam has been carefully sorting out and analyzing his sneezes for some years now. He’s up to six different patterns and maybe there’s more, who knows? It’s amazing, really, how many different ways there is to Dean’s sneezing.

Sam thinks he’s a very lucky guy.

When they’re on a hunt, Dean’s sneezes are stiffed because yeah, it’s never a good idea to let the monster know that you’re hiding in the closet next to it. There’s always this little frowning on his eyebrows that says: Gosh. Not now. Really? Then, he raises his arm in front of his face and sneezes two or three times, after a short intake of breath. «H-pt! H-pt! H-pt!»

Sam likes the way his face reddens and his eyes shuts suddenly, the way his body stiffens to contain the force of the sneezes. Afterward, Dean will always sniffle for a while, nostrils pink and quivering, like he didn’t get any sort relief. And even if there’s a freaking Black Dog after them, all Sam wants to do is to press a kiss on his brother’s nose.

Dean hates to sneeze when he’s driving, like he’s scared he’s gonna crash them, or worse, get the inside of his precious car dirty. His sneezes are somewhat impatient, like he’s saying: okay, let’s get this over with. He’ll sneeze two or three times, sometimes more if the sun’s in his eyes (once, he sneezed seven times in a row, had to stop the car on the side of the road and ask Sam to drive.) He always keeps both hands on the wheel, like he has to hold on to something. His chest expands two or three times before he really gets to it, and he turns his head to the side (most of the time, towards Sam. Yeah.) mouth slack and eyebrows lifted, his nostrils expanding. He tries to do it as quickly as possible. «H-h-h-h-..AP-sh! PSHUUU! He…PSHUU! Dab it! »

Afterwards, blinking while getting his attention back to the road, he’ll ask Sam for a Kleenex and will softly blow his nose with one hand.

Sometimes Dean sneezes when he wakes up, more often if he’s been snoring through the night. If Sam is awake, he’ll watch closely, one hand resting on Dean’s back, and enjoy the show.

It always happens between the time Dean starts to stir and the moment he’s fully awake. Sometimes, he’ll say something to Sam, a gruff «’Morning. » or something sweeter like «Get off, morning breath. »

Then he’ll sniff. His eyes are never fully open and look glassy. They’re gonna close slowly as he’ll start to pant, and there will be this little crease between his eyebrows. Dean will lift his head a little and stand still while the sneeze begins to build.

The sleepy sneezes always come in ones. Rarely, if Sam is lucky, there’s gonna be a repeat one or two minutes afterwards.

There is always a slow, excruciating build-up before one of Dean’s morning sneeze. Once, Sam counted 19 seconds between the first breath intake and the actual sneeze. It’s like Dean is too sleepy to actually focus on the task. «Hhh…. Ha… He!…Hhhh… He…he…HA… AXSHOOO-hhh…»

More often than not, Dean will bury his head in the pillow at the end of the sneeze. Then, he’ll lift it again, eyes teary and nose pink, looking kind of sheepish, and excuse himself, which is strange because he never apologize while sneezing, except for the morning ones. His voice will be congested and scratchy, and Sam will fiercely kiss him, the Hell with his morning breath.

Rarely, the sleepy sneezes will happen when they’re cuddling and Dean is the little spoon. Now this… This is something else entirely, because if Sam can’t actually see the sneeze, he can feel it. The expand of Dean’s chest under his arms, then the fluttering of his stomach muscles, and then right before the sneeze, the way they bunch suddenly while his hips move back to press against Sam’s groin.

When this happens, all Sam can do is hold on to Dean for dear life and try to bless him without too much enthusiasm.

And then there’s the blessed times when Dean catches a cold, which doesn’t happen often –maybe twice a year- because apparently, Winchesters have a great immune system.

There are three different kinds of sneezes when Dean is sick. It’s like a progression. On the first day, the sneezes will be in fact the only symptom that Dean is coming up with something –witch he’ll fiercely deny, of course. He’ll sneeze many times on this first day (once, Sam counted thirty-three of them) and will be really irritated by it.

The pre-cold sneezes, as Sam as named them, are dry and harsh and always, always come in threes. Most of the time, there will be no built-up at all and they will take Dean by surprise, shaking his body hard and leaving him lightly stunned. They’re not rapid fire, not really, because Sam can count two or three seconds between each one. It goes approximately like this. «…DSHHH!...Hu…Eee-shew! Aaa-pshu!» And afterward, if you listen very carefully, you can hear a soft moan while Dean is rubbing his nose until it’s pink.

But it’s nothing, really, compared to the actual cold sneezes. They’re forceful and wet, varies in intensity and numbers. Some of them have incredible built-ups, most of them leaves Dean panting, nostrils quivering and tears running down his cheeks. This is the only time Dean will actually use tissues, and Sam loves the way he’ll raise the Kleenex in front of his face, blinking and waiting for the sneeze to come, then bent forward with both of his hands pressing the tissue on his nose and mouth. This is also the only time Dean will actually talk about sneezing, because at this point, he can’t deny anymore that he’s sick. He’ll have this sweet nasal, congested voice. «Godda sdeeze. » or even better, will talk while sneezing «Wait Sab… I… Hhhh… I think the body is…eeH…buried id…dab it… Hhhh..EXshooo!… God…»

So. Yeah. Cold sneezes. These are almost Sam’s favorite kind.

Almost. Because there’s this last category of sneezes that also happens when Dean’s got a cold. It has to be a nasty one, that’ll give Dean a fever and reduce him to a shivering, miserable mess. When that happens, all of Dean’s defenses are down. Lying in bed under an impressive pile of sheets and comforters, wearing wool socks and one of Sam’s hoodies , he’ll let his brother take care of him and will even sometimes initiate the cuddling, pressing his body against Sam’s until he’s not shivering anymore.

Sam is an awesome caretaker and he’ll enjoy every minutes of it because it happens so rarely. Dean will let him rub some Vick’s ointment on his chest and under his nose, put a cold towel on his forehead and slowly rubs his back to put him to sleep.

To that point, Dean’s sneezes are somewhat softer, quieter, as if he can’t gather the energy to really get to it. Sometimes his head will be lying on Sam’s shoulder’s and he’ll moan, full force, before sneezing softly, in a Kleenex if there’s one near him, freely if there aren’t. «heee-shoo!» Then he’ll moan again and sniff, and complain like a five year old. When he’s having a fit of three or four sneezes in this state, the last one will always be in a high-pitched voice. Sometimes Sam thinks he’ll die from the hotness.

Yeah, Sam is a very lucky guy. Sometimes he thinks about telling Dean all about it and can imagine his brother’s reaction. «You know that’s a bit creepy, right, Sammy? »

But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, because, as Dean once said, Sam is a walking encyclopedia of weirdness, and his brother loves him that way.

Fin

[Ciuty80]

GUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!

INCREDIBLE!!!

*faints*

this was a REALLY brilliant way of letting sam observe deans sneezes!!!

[LovelyLinda]

Good lord o.O

I'm not coherent enough to reply properly.

I just say I love you for now, okay?

I freaking ADORE Dean's cold sneezes when his hot nose gets all twitchy and pink <3

[Quebecgirl]

Ciuty80: Thanks!

You know I figured... As Sam always has to know everything on every subject and even has an OCD, of course, if he was into i,t he would have gave lots of thoughts about the way Dean sneezes.

Lovelylinda: I love you too, for stroking my ego that way.

Glad you guys liked it!

QG

[ID2006]

Totally love you right now.

[Quebecgirl]

Thanks!

[telltale]

This is basically the hottest thing ever.

I love that Sam catelogues Dean's sneezes, (of course he does!) and the image of little spoon Dean, and ESPECIALLY the image of feverish, cuddly Dean with his softer sneezes and his sad little faaaace. Oh, man.

[Quebecgirl]

Thank you for the feedback.

I'm with you there, little spoon Dean is hot. Little spoon feverish Dean... even better.

I'm glad you thought Sam with a sneeze kink would react that way (he totally would, right?)

Thanks again!

[Lady Blessington]

Sooooo gooooood.

I read this so slowly, imagining all of the different sounds and visuals. COMPLETEMENT DELICIEUX. TOUS.

I sent a copy to my Kindle so that it'll allllways be there.

Edited March 26, 2012 by mads3rv3r

[Quebecgirl]

Thanks!

I'm really glad you liked it.

[obsessed]

Oh your writing is marvelous!

[Quebecgirl]

Thank you very much!