Sickie Pies (M)

[Lady Blessington]

Please forgive the total lack of plot.

The first two are about Dean, and the third is about Jeff from Community, who's leaderly like Dean and vain like Dean and has the cutest noooooose.

Thing One

"Hh-XXSH! Hh-HRSHSH! Hh-hh-hh-HDTSHSH-uh!"

"Wow," Sam says, watching Dean bury his pink nose in a handful of napkins. "For a healthy guy, you really know how to sneeze."

"I hate you," Dean mumbles into his tissues. He screws up his face, panting, and lets off another string of detonations.

Sam shakes his head. "Ouch." He scans the diner and snatches a new napkin holder off of a neighboring table.

"Thagks." Dean tugs four of them free and mashes his face into them, letting loose a thick, wet crackle. He drops those on his placemat and runs a finger back and forth under his red nostrils, then drags more white paper out of its box and pushes it up under his billowing nose. "Hh-oh boy. Hh-hh-okay. Okay."

"Seriously, are you all right?"

"Hh-HAH-hhhhh-HDGHSHSHSH!"

"If you're trying to blow away our placemats, it's almost working."

Dean's flushed from sneezing, his face glistening with the exertion. "Friggigg... stuff."

"Stuff?" Sam looks around for their waitress. "What are you talking about?"

Dean shrugs, his nose wrapped in napkins. He blows in noisy spurts.

"Okay, scratch the library. Let's just... get you quarantined."

Dean takes a shaky breath, his eyes crossing. "HRRRSHSH!"

"Yeah."

Thing Two

"Hih-XXTSH! Hh-DSH! Hh-hh-hh-HEH-KHXISHSH-uh! Uhhh." Dean pulls a rag out of his pocket and pushes it to his nose, wrinkles up his face and blasts his pipes clear. "Dabbit," he sniffles, pinching his nostrils together to dry them with his cloth. His nose is a rosy red, the skin under it bright and raw. He's pale apart from that.

"Hey," Sam says, sneaking quick fingers along his brother's hairline. "Take it easy."

"I cah... hh-cahhh..." Dean palms his nose and pants through ruby lips. "Hh-hrrr... hh-hh-HRSHSH-ix!"

"Wow." Sam dips into his duffel, pokes around for a fresh handkerchief. "Nobody catches cold like you."

Dean gurgles pitifully into his rag, finishing with a squeak. He lowers it, breathing heavily from his mouth. "Screw colds. A pox on colds."

"Hey, you said an n!"

Dean smiles wanly at Sam's praise and drags air through his nose in a thick snuffle. "You doe it."

Both their faces fall.

"Look, checkout's at ten, and it's already..." Sam raises his brows at his wrist watch, "way past our bedtime."

"I'b dever gudda sleep," Dean groans in a thready voice.

Sam tosses him a bottle of painkillers and the fresh rag he's found. "Here. Get in bed. I downloaded Terminator."

"I'd like to terbidate gerbs." Dean twitches with a full-body sneeze and fumbles for Sam's hanky with a sigh. "Seriously, how cubb you're dot sick?"

Sam goes to Dean and folds the comforter up over his feet. "Because I sleep at night."

Dean crackles into the rag. He wriggles his pink nose. "Fair eduff."

Thing Three

There are leaves all over the table when Jeff walks in.

"Huh," he says, taking them in. He teeters in place, then drops into his chair. "Looks like nature threw up in the study room."

Britta frowns at the sheen on his face, his eggshell pallor. She trades glances with Annie. "Uh, hey. Shirley and Annie are making an autumn scrapbook. Are you okay?"

"What?" He grins a pasty-lipped grin and scans the gathered faces. "'Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just look a little..." She sees panic in Jeff's face and changes tacks. "Handsome. You look handsome, because you always look so handsome. Hey, I've got an idea. Let's go see the school nurse. We can show her how beautiful you look. In a manly way."

"And people ask me why I never donate to charity," Jeff leers. "What greater gift?"

Britta rolls her eyes and tugs him up by the shoulder.

:::

"For a hotel on the moon, this place is not that impressive."

"True," Abed nods, while Annie strokes back Jeff's hair.

"The moon?" How high is his fever?"

"High enough to be contagious," Britta announces, stepping in with a clipboard.

Everyone scoots back from the bed. "What?"

"Oh yes," Britta says. "The nurse just told me that this is a very infectious case of... infection. So only true friends will--"

The room is clear.

She sits on the stool beside the bed and rubs Jeff's stubbly cheek.

:::

"Got some grub for you, cowboy."

"Mm," Jeff groans, then sneezes into his pillow.

"I know I warmed this soup up myself but I gotta say, it's pretty yummy."

"Britta?"

She holds the bowl to her chest, watches Jeff feel along his bedside table for a tissue. His nose is bright red, his eyes watery. "Yeah?"

"Would you make a diorama about this with me?"

She cups his forehead as he gurgles into a Kleenex. "Maybe we should show the hospital how handsome you are."

"I'm messing with you." He pulls her down beside him, mindful of the soup.

"Oh." Britta hands him the bowl and snuggles closer. "Jerk." She kisses his warm temple and drapes an arm over his chest, watching him work the spoon.

He sniffles and flashes her a weary smile. "Hottest nurse ever."

[SomethingClever]

hoooooo my god that first one. Im too tired to bother finding the explodey guy emoticon, but that's the one I am right now. Amazing, these here things are.

[stephab13]

Nawwwww. I've only ever seen like 2 eps of Community ever... but I'm just getting into Supernatural (well, just finished season 4...) and yeah. Dean is amazing. You capture their relationship really well here! Is there more???

[ohlala8]

Wow, I've never really looked for Community sickfics before, but Jeff is a great candidate for the tough guy I'm-not-sick plotline. Good times.

[Lady Blessington]

hoooooo my god that first one. Im too tired to bother finding the explodey guy emoticon, but that's the one I am right now. Amazing, these here things are.

Mission accomplished!! Thank you so much!

Nawwwww. I've only ever seen like 2 eps of Community ever... but I'm just getting into Supernatural (well, just finished season 4...) and yeah. Dean is amazing. You capture their relationship really well here! Is there more???

Thank you! I know, they don't really feel finished, eek. They're probably done though. Thank you so much for reading!

Wow, I've never really looked for Community sickfics before, but Jeff is a great candidate for the tough guy I'm-not-sick plotline. Good times.

Spoiler alert! I was fine until the first paintball episode, with the tending of the wounds, and then the seed was planted, and THEN I was even still pretty okay until the multiple-timeline episode where he KEPT BUMPING HIS HEAD and then Annie started loving on his wouuund, and then I was like, damn it, I now hope for every episode to be a sick episode.

Anyway, thank you!

[swann_ee_song]

You know what this forum needs?? More Community fics, especially ones about !hot! Jeff Winger. The end. ;

That was awesome, by the way. Also the Supernatural ones, OF COURSE.

[Coffee Mug]

The sneeze SPELLINGS!!!!