Riddle Me This

[Prongs]

Why, hello there! Um, yeah, I actually wrote a story for once! It's my first sneezefic so I'm a bit nervous about posting it, but hey, this is what the place is for, so why not? I wrote this in a weak attempt to cure my writer's block. It's a one-shot, but...here ya go! Excuse my spelling errors, it's kind of...1:31 am.

Takes place in Chamber of Secrets. Yes, it includes a sneezy Tom Riddle. Yes, I am weird. This idea has been in my head since I read the dang book, it's nice to get it out! Now there's room for other stuff!

Oh, and I don't own any lines directly from the book or movie.

Riddle Me This

Tom Riddle laid the girl down at the end of the Chamber, diary in her arms, and absentmindedly rubbed a finger under his nose. He took note of the aggravating tickle plaguging his sinuses and scrubbed a little harder. "Damn," he muttered to himself. He had forgotten over the years how much he hated being down in the damp, dusty Chamber, due to his allergies. What was taking Potter so long?

He lurked off into the shadows, waiting for Ginny to fully strengthen him.

Harry cautiously entered the Chamber and looked around. If there were any sign of movement, he knew to close his eyes…- There was Ginny!

"Ginny!" He exclaimed, as his eyes lit up. He sprinted to the end of the Chamber where she lay, unconscious. "Ginny, please don’t be dead…wake up, wake up!" He fell to his knees and pleaded.

Hearing Potter’s arrival, Tom walked slowly out of the darkness and saw the boy, begging the motionless girl to live. He approached the scene, still unnoticed by Harry. His nose was beginning to act up, but he did not quite want to reveal himself just yet; he pinched his nose closed as he drew nearer, but it was a futile attempt…

"Eh...eh'chuh! Ih'shishh! Hn...chishh!" Tom turned to the side with three breathless sneezes into the crook of his arm. Sniffling, he and said, "She won’t wake."

Harry nearly jumped 10 feet at the noise, and closed his eyes until he heard a human’s voice. He quickly whirled around to face him, and recognized the him immediately as the boy from the diary. The one who wrongly accused Hagrid of opening the Chamber of Secrets.

He regained his composure quickly and, not seeing him as a threat, said, "Tom. Tom Riddle…bless you. What do you mean, she won’t wake? She’s not-"

"She’s still alive, but only j…just-Eshoo!!" Tom’s voice raised in pitch at the end of his sentence, and turned away with a sneeze once more, despite his best efforts. Harry sank to the ground once more and set his wand aside, trying to help revive Ginny. Tom silently grabbed Harry’s wand and stowed it in the pocket of his robes, then brought a hand to his face again. "Huh'tchh! Heh...heh'kshoo! 'Ktchh! H'ngxt!"

Harry worriedly turned around again. "Bless you, Tom. Are you all right?"

"Thank you, Harry. I’m fine." He replied calmly. He did not want, nor did he need, sympathy and concern from the only person he had ever failed to murder. In truth, he was frustrated with himself. The situation he had imagined did not include himself sneezing his head off. But he could not help it, the irritants in the Chamber air were just too much for his sensitive nose.

"Are you a ghost?" Harry asked. Tom’s figure was not transparent, but it was not solid either.

"A memory. Preserved in a diary for 50 years." He sniffed.

"You’ve got to help me Tom, there’s a basilisk…"

"It won’t come until it’s called."

Harry paused for a minute while Tom struggled with another sneeze. "Hn, heh...heh? H'ktsh!" The transluscent wizard sighed wearily, half with relief and half with annoyance at his own weakness.

"I've got a handkerchief if you'd like?" Harry offered politely. Tom just smiled wryly and repeated, "I'm fine."

Harry turned back to Ginny helplessly. He had no idea what he could do. Maybe there was a spell or something, anything...He reached for his wand, but noticed it was not at his side anymore.

"Give me my wand, Tom." Harry ordered timidly, noticing the older boy twirling it in between his fingers now.

"You won’t be needing it."

"What d'you mean, I won't be-?"

"I've waited a long time for this, Harry Potter," said Riddle with a look of power overtaking his expression. It would've been utterly terrifying...except for one thing.

"Hm'ptshh! At'choo!" He managed to cover the sneezes just in time.

Though he let go and sneezed, a light tickle in his nose remained and he could feel himself becoming rapidly congested. He was beginning to regret not taking the handkerchief while he had the chance; the boy would be dead in mere moments anyway, nothing left to ridicule him as he sneezed to his heart's content.

With Harry's wand, Riddle spelled his name in midair. In another second, the letters had rearranged themselves to spell 'I AM LORD VOLDEMORT".

"You!!! You-..." Harry cried, looking square in the eyes of his parent's murderer.

"Yes, Harry. I amb Lord Voldembort." Riddle sniffed to clear some of the thick congestion, but it worked only temporarily.

Once he released the basilisk, things got easier for him. It seemed like he only needed to sneeze when talking, and since Harry was a bit...preoccupied, at the moment...he was fine. Unless he breathed through his nose, then; "T'chuh! K'hishoo! Heh'tgxt! Hn...k'choo!" He sneezed softly yet again into the crook of his arm, the sound muffled by the robes but powerful. He was beginning to feel drained of energy, not having been used to having allergies from 50 years ago. Was this even going to work? He thought as he stood sniffling, watching, waiting.

In a blur, or so it seemed to Riddle, his basilisk was blinded, Harry was injured by the beast, and the beast was dead from a wound inflicted upon it by Harry, who aquired the sword from that stupid hat of his.

"You're dead, Harry Potter," he managed before he brought a hand to his face and waited. He didn't care if Harry saw him now, the boy was practically dead already, lying pathetically next to the girl. His eyes fluttered shut and he let loose a wet, tickly, miserable double that bent him over at the waist.

"Hh'atchhh! Eh'tchishh!"

When he recovered, rubbing his itchy red eyes and nose, he found the boy sitting up, perfectly fine. The phoenix tears. Why hadn't he thought of that?!

In the next instant, Harry had the basilisk fang through the diary, destroying the living memory of Tom Riddle. He tried to protest, but couldn't do so, as more and more power drained from him with each sneeze.

"STOP, NO!!!!!!!!! Huh'tchuh! Hih'ptshh! H...heh-...huh'ktshuh!"

Amazingly, even in the last moments of his life, he was still trying to be polite about covering his sneezes. Bent and the waist, tortured allergic expression, yet still making an effort to contain them.

He was exploding into millions of particles of light, memories long forgotten. One final sneeze marked the end of the diary's life; "HAH'NGKXT!!!!"

Once Harry, Ginny, Ron and Lockhart made it back from the Chamber safely, Ginny and Lockhart made their ways to the Hospital Wing. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were beyond thankful for Harry's extreme bravery. Ron went to the Owlery to send Hagrid's release forms so Hogwarts would have their gamekeeper back. And Harry...he never mentioned Tom Riddle's allergies. It just goes to show that even the greatest have one weakness or another.

Edited January 21, 2012 by ParrotGirl

[DogLover]

Wow, this was so funny! I laughed my head off.

I love this idea...now whenever I watch the movie I'll see this in my head.

[Emily]

call me weird but I found this hilarious. /dying LOOOL

I won't be able to watch the second movie without seeing this in my head