Illness by numbers

[SexualOddity]

Having a bit of a divvy moment and can't figure out how to use the tags, so hopefully this info is okay here instead. It's Supernatural (naturally!) and it's Dean and Cas, so male. There are spoilers for Season 5.

Some of you might know that I've been trying to wrap my head around a Castiel fic for Zane. I've finally come up with what I wanted to do, but I couldn't fit it neatly into a short story for my thread, so I thought I'd try to brave a multichapter.

I'm kind of playing with fire again by writing ahead of what I've actually seen in the series so there's always a chance that it'll come across as really incongruent because of something I don't yet know about. If so, I guess it'll have to be treated as AU, hopefully that doesn't irritate anyone too much.

So yeah... here is some sneezy!Dean and sneezy!Cas, hope you like it Zane. You are adorable with your nervous asking for requests

--

Dean gave a groan as he rolled over on his bed, groping in the dark for the tissue box on his nightstand. Pulling one free he curled up on his side and blew his nose, but it did little to relieve the tickle. He gave a shaky breath.

“Huuh-uh Huh Heh.HuhEUTCHoo! HuhUhtCHoo! HutUHTCHU!”

He sniffed and pawed at the objects on his nightstand once more, hoping to find another tissue, when his alarm began to ring, shrill and insistent. He groaned as he picked up his phone and rolled on to his back. So much for a good night’s sleep.

With what felt like more effort than it really ought to have taken, Dean hauled himself to a sitting position and reached for the light switch.

With a jolt of adrenaline, he registered a figure at the end of his bed, its image still unfocused as he blinked at the hard, artificial light.

“Jesus Cas!” Dean yelped, breathlessly, “You had be jumbpindg out of by skind.” He sniffed.

“An odd expression.” Castiel observed, sitting on the edge of Dean’s bed.

Dean rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand, exhausted. “Okay Cas,” he said with a sigh. “Whadt’s goindg ond?”

Cas frowned. “There is nothing happening particularly. I need your advice.”

Dean sat up a little straighter at this. “You ndeed by advice?”

“Yes,” Castiel answered.

“Okay,” Dean began uncertainly, “Whadt cand I do for you?” He sniffed.

“I have watched you, and you have been different since your brother left…”

Dean frowned, not understanding.

“Your body temperature is elevated, your respiratory system is compromised and you appear to be generating extraneous amounts of mucous. Despite all of this, though, you continue on as if nothing has happened.”

Dean gave a wheezy cough. “It’s called ridindg it out Cas. Andd just so you kndow, it’s ndot particularly aidedd by your crazy observationds.” He sniffed, only to find himself creasing his nose in discomfort as the determined itch that had troubled him for the last few hours returned with a vengeance. He turned from Cas, bringing a fist up to the bridge of his nose.

“I suspect that you have contracted a virus.”

“Heh-EHTCHA! HEHETCHA!” Dean curled over onto the bed with the force of the sneezes. “I have a cold Cas, is there a poindt to this?”

“I’m afraid so,” Cas didn’t meet Dean’s eye but studied the carpet ahead of him with a pensive frown. “It appears that, cut off from Heaven, my vessel is no longer subject to the Celestial protection my status would normally confer.”

Dean rubbed his temples with the heels of his hands.

“It seems my vessel is no longer entirely preserved.”

Dean stared at Cas, clearly not understanding.

“I believe I may have contracted your virus.”

Dean shuffled forward on the bed. “Are you sayindg you’re sick?” he asked with a cough.

“I believe so,” Castiel’s eye line didn’t rise from the carpet.

“Okay.” Dean frowned and reached for another tissue to blow his nose. “Whadt bakes you say that Cas?” He wrenched himself wearily from the covers and rounded the bed to look more clearly at Castiel.

Cas wrung his hands. “Well, I have pain in my head, pain and swelling in my throat, and sometimes my vessel erupts in what I can only liken to an explosion.”

“And explosiond?” Dean repeated.

“Yes,” Cas affirmed, “Your body has been behaving in the same way. Twice just now and several times before that.”

It took Dean a minute to understand. “Are you talkindg about sndeezindg?”

“If that is what you call it,” Cas answered with a frown. “I find it most troubling.”

Dean laughed, and leant back against the wall. It was a few minutes before he realised that Cas was still waiting for a response. “You wandt mby advice ond this?”

“Yes,” Castiel answered, looking up at Dean for the first time. “This has not happened to me before. I am not sure how to respond.”

Dean laughed again and reached for some aspirin from his drawer, pausing only to catch another two sneezes in the sleeve of his shirt. “Well, if its ady condsolationd Cas, if you’ve got what I have, idt’s not gondda kill you,” he gestured to Cas to hold out a hand and popped a circular, white tablet onto it. “Kindd of a ndovelty for us in thad respect.”

Dean passed Cas to enter the bathroom, and Cas heard the sound of running water. Moments later Dean appeared in the bathroom doorway, a plastic cup of water in his hand. “Take thadt tablet,” Dean instructed. “It’ll help with the pain.”

Castiel put the tablet into his mouth and swallowed it down with the water that Dean extended, but no sooner than he had done so, he was burying his face into the crook of his arm.

“Huh. HarUHTchoo! HuHUHTchoo!” Castiel gave a harsh sniff, suddenly springing to his feet. “I dislike this.”

Dean straightened up, perceiving something different in Cas for the first time. He held up both hands in an attempt to pacify him. “Hey Cas,” Dean tried to meet his eyes. “Its okay. There’s dnothindg to worry about ind this.” He sniffed.

“Of course there is,” Castiel protested, spinning away from Dean. “I am torn out of heaven.” He pronounced the word as if it tore to his very being. “I have felt pain before, but never such rebellion from my vessel.”

“Hey.” Dean stood squarely on to Cas, his tone adamant now. “This isn’t Jimbby rebellindg, andd you kndow thadt.” Frustrated by the reappearance of the tingling in his nose, Dean sighed and once more pushed hard on the bridge with his fist, tilting his face away from Cas as his lungs began to take long and irritated breaths. “Huuh hu-ah heh HuATchoo! HATCHOO!” Dean used the back of his hand to wipe away a few stray tears that had sprung into his eyes, and blinked, trying to focus once more on Castiel. The angel was facing away from him, silent and unmoving.

“You’ve beend through a hell of a lot worse thand this Cas.”

Cas walked away from Dean towards the motel room window. His tone was quiet and measured once more, but there was an edge to it that made Dean a little uncomfortable. It gave him the impression that this apparent calm was about Saran-wrap-thin and threatening to burst with a hurricane of emotions that, to Cas, were still unfamiliar and alarming.

“No Dean, I don’t agree. I am erased from Heaven, and only on the Earth by virtue of this body. Exiled as I am I cannot heal myself, cannot change vessels and I lack the knowledge to deal with this infected one.” He paused, his voice strained and hollow when he began to speak again. “I belong nowhere.”

Dean placed a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Hey, combe ond, lets sidt downd.” He led Cas back to his bed, coughing roughly into his elbow. “How’s this,” Dean suggested, massaging his forehead. “I’ll ask themb to mbove us to a twind, andd we’ll be sick together. I’ll show you how.”

Cas looked up at Dean with uncertainty, “You would do that for me?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. I guess I kindd of owe you if I bade you sick. Besides I could do with the rest byself.” He sniffed and rubbed his nose.

“Okay,” Castiel answered slowly, still studying Dean. “Thank you.”

[Foxfire]

Dean placed a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Hey, combe ond, lets sidt downd.” He led Cas back to his bed, coughing roughly into his elbow. “How’s this,” Dean suggested, massaging his forehead. “I’ll ask themb to mbove us to a twind, andd we’ll be sick together. I’ll show you how.”

Aww, a nice caring Dean! Lokking forward to Dean showing Cas how to be sick.

Great idea of Cas being sick - I always find it kind of difficult to make Cas sneeze...

[Rika]

ADORABLE.

I love stuffy Dean talk.

Delicious.

Edited October 16, 2011 by Rika

[VividBubbles!]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Nuff said.

BYE!

[BlueGirl]

Lol. 'rebellion' from his vessel. Love it. Can't wait for updates!

[SexualOddity]

Thank you all for your comments. You rock And Foxfire, I totally have the same thing with Cas. It took me forever to come up with a sneezy scenario for him that I liked. He's just so aloof and untouchable. Ah well, all the more fun in slowly but surely breaking him down (and while we wait... why not also break down Dean in the meantime )

--

Cas scanned the shelves, overwhelmed at the sheer number of colourful boxes and bottles offsetting walls; cupboards; counters, all painted in the same clinical and unforgiving white.

“Okay,” Dean began, taking a basket from the stack by the door. “Do you actually kndow what you’re lookindg at here?”

Castiel shook his head.

Dean sniffed and wiped his nose, looking around the shop. Catching the eye of the girl at the counter, he moved in closer to Cas and lowered his voice, suddenly uncomfortably aware that this was a strange conversation for two grown men to be having. “Okay,” he reached for a box of tissues from one of the shelves. “Tissues. You kndow these.” He took a wad of folded tissue from his own pocket to show to Cas before dropping the box into the basket, blowing his nose before returning his own, crumpled tissue to his pocket.

“Asprind,” Dean stated, lifting another box from the shelf. “This is whadt you took this mbordindg. I have somb at the botel budt I’mb runddindg… uh! low HuUSHOO!” Dean groaned and rubbed his forehead and eyes.

“You feel unwell.” Cas stated.

Dean waved his words away, “I’bm finde. Let’s just heh…” Dean huffed in a weary but aggravated sigh. “Handg ond.” He turned away from Cas, tilting his head to the ceiling and pressing down on the bridge of his nose with a fist. His face, which had been scrunched in irritation, began to slacken as he drew in fast, shaky breaths. “Huh-hu-eh Huh-ehtCHOO!” Dean groaned and blew his nose, feeling suddenly shivery. “Where were we?”

“We have asprin,” Cas replied.

“Umb, okay.” He sniffed, the very action making his sinuses ache, before reaching for a bottle. “This is for your throat,” he told Cas.

He lifted a thermometer from a basket by the shelves, suddenly anxious to finish and get out of the shop “Err, I’ll show you how to use this whend we get back.” He scrunched up his nose, rubbing hard across the bridge, before reaching hastily for a pack of decongestant tablets and some cough syrup.

“And what are those?” Cas asked.

“HuhUhEHT-choo! Hu-UHTCHOO!” Dropping the final two items into their basket, Dean lifted the crook of his arm just in time to catch two violent sneezes, It took a moment of blinking, sniffing and rubbing his nose for him to register the question Cas had asked. “Umb, they’re for be right ndow,” he began at last, “but they’ll probably… oh Godd…”HuUISHu! HuhIESSSHU! Heh-UHTCH-YEW! UEISSHU!” He gave a pained groan. “They’ll probably comb ind for you too over the dnext few days,” he finished, breathlessly, and with more than a little determination.

“Dean…” Cas began.

“Ibm finde,” Dean answered, pre-empting his friend’s question. “I just…” he set his jaw irritated, as his breath began to hitch yet again. “I gotta stobp sdneezindg… Heh! Heh! UHH-HISHYEW! HIDTJCHoo! IDJTCHoo! ASHYU! Huh-HUH-HuhHRATCHU!”

“I sympathise,” Cas offered.

Dean gave a stuffy laugh, “Thandks.” He sniffed warily, before blowing his nose on the last of the tissue from his pocket and hoisting their basket on to the counter. When the checkout girl wished him a speedy recovery he fleetingly considered trying for a phone number, but something about the combination of being so congested and the pain in his sinuses was making him oddly light-headed, and besides, he reasoned, snotty and pathetic wasn’t really the best look for snaring women.

When they finally made it to the Impala Dean flopped back, exhausted, against the headrest, and sighed with relief. “I tell you whadt Cas,” Dean began, his voice starting to sound strained, “I’ll be gladd to gedt bacgk to the mbotel.” He tore open the box of tissues they had just bought and blew his nose. It made little difference. “How you feelindg by the way?”

Castiel kept his eyes fixed on the busy street ahead of them. “I seemb to heh! be hu-huh! losing heh! control of by heh! breathindg!”

Dean spluttered with gruff laughter. “Thindk you bight dneed to sndeeze there Cas.”

Cas frowned. “I was a-huh-fraid of that. Uh! I Huh! dond’t like it.”

Dean grinned, amused and handed some tissues to Cas in the passenger seat. “Sorry, I thindk you’re gondda havta gedt used to idt.” He rolled his eyes when Cas took them, uncomprehending, his breath still hitching helplessly. “Judst pudt idt over your dnose andd bouth.”

Cas complied, but nothing happened beyond the slight muffling of his irregular breathing.

“Andd ndow stobp holdidngg idt ind for Chrissakes before you pobp a friggindg blood vessel!”

Cas studied Dean apprehensively, but at last began to shut his eyes and tilt his head back against his seat. “Huh… uh UHtchoo! HuHUTCHoo!” Cas scrunched up his face, unimpressed, wiping the tissue under his nose.

“Was thadt really so hard?”

“Yes,” Castiel grunting, “It is intolerable this…”

“Sdneezindg,” Dean obliged.

“Sdee-zig,” Cas repeated. “I don’t know how you abide it.”

Dean laughed. “Do. Ndot sdee-zig! Sndeez..” he was halfway through a second attempt before realising it was hopeless. “Forgedt idt,” he chuckled, “mbaybe after sombe decondgestandt.”

[Coffee Chicken Barista]

This is awesome! I'm really loving it. Normally I'm not a huge fan of the Cas sneezing but this may have changed my mind.

[VividBubbles!]

AAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!!! This is so adorable! And LOL! You make me laugh SO hard! I love the way you spell your sneezes! And this is totally in character! Cas is AWESOME! Dude, I totally hope he's not dead from the Leviathans. I want to channel Kripke too!*goes off to find spell book*

BYE!

P.S. Don't read the crossed out section unless you've seen the first episode of Season 7!

BYE! Again.

[SexualOddity]

Hey guys, first off, I don't have an update for you right now, so apologies for that. Secondly, I wanted to ask if anyone would have any major objections to me putting this story on a temporary hiatus. I'm only asking because the timing massively sucks, because JUST after starting it, I was introduced to Mads3rv3r's meme "Again but with more colds". (Actually, I don't really know what the word 'meme' means, but the way it plays out in practice is pretty awesome).

Anyway, I'd really like to take part, because there are such a wealth of SPN fanfic writers all creating sneezy!/sick! stories and being new to the fandom and sneeze fic in general, I'd really like to experience it and share some stuff with the people on there, but having looked around there's so much activity I think it's gonna be a bit life-absorbing for anyone who wants to fill the prompts on there (which I do). So yeah, if there's no objections I'm going to join in with the meme and come back to this later.

If any of you have the time it'd be great if you came across and joined in too. You can prompt for fics you'd like to see, fill the prompts, or just sit back and enjoy reading the growing number of sneezy Supernatural stories. I plan to do all three

[SexualOddity]

Sorry! Link would have been good and not sure how to edit posts with the new forum :S

http://mad-server.li....com/56533.html

[VividBubbles!]

No, no, no!!!......... Okay, I may have over reacted a little bit. It's totally fine for this story to go on hiatus. I totally get why you want to go over to mad_server's meme. Hey, what's you LJ name? I'm only asking because some people don't have the same name as the do on SFF on LJ. I'm imissellenandjo. You should totally friend me! Continue this story soon though!

BYE!

[LovelyLinda]

Guhhhhhhhhhh *_*

*tries to bring thoughts in order*

You. Killed. Me.

More. more. more. more. Pretty please?

[NorthernLady]

Hey SexualOddity! How is that that everytime I search for any Supernatural Fiction I found a new one that you have written and that I haven't read yet (and with sneezy Cas no less * melt *)

Is there any chance you'll continue this story sometime? That would make me really really happy!

[SexualOddity]

Aw NorthernLady, it's really nice to see this come back to life, thank you. Yeah. I left it because after the meme it felt as though no one had really missed it, and there was a ton of stuff happening on LJ so I kind of let it drop, but it'd be great to try to carry it on. I have a few things on, the pestilence thing and I promised to fill a SPN prompt if no one else snatched it up, but I really like the idea of coming back to this so... maybe? Either way, it's lovely to get feedback after all this time

[NorthernLady]

it felt as though no one had really missed it

Oh I would have if I had been that much of a Supernatural Addict at that time! Now I can't seem to find fictions i like fast enough That said, I really dig your other ongoing stories so whatever you write, i'll be happy:)

there was a ton of stuff happening on LJ

Oh thank you, I definitely have to check you LJ for my daily fix of Winchesters

[Skyler]

I've only just found it, but I'm already missing it! I'd love for you to continue!

[Foxfire]

aww, poor cas all stuffed up and clueless - so yummy!

[SterlingSilver]

*cries tears of joy* Uwaaa~ I've been on such a Castiel kick lately, and this is just a lovely piece of writing here~

So much of it is just perfect <3. Like how flustered Castiel is, and how Dean is attempting to be helpful but he's also sick, so it's a lot of effort~~

And guhh! I was so sad when I went for the next part and saw it was on hiatus!

I know hard it is to get motivation for things, but I would love to see this continued if you ever get the chance <3

It's just wonderful~ Definitely one of my favorites~

[SexualOddity]

I will definitely come back to it. Got distracted at the time, and wasn't sure that anyone was really bothered about this one, but I think there's been a surge in Cas-appreciation of late and it was a fun one to write. Challenging though - I find Cas pretty hard!

I've got a few things ongoing that I've agreed to write but I will finish this one off eventually, I promise! Glad you've enjoyed what's there so far!