Messy

[Spoo]

This was originally written (but not posted) for a prompt on the First Class kink meme that can be found on LiveJournal. The requester wanted: "Erik has a really messy cold, with lots of sneezing and coughing and a stuffy/runny nose, etc." The link for that prompt (and its additional comments/FILL) can be found here!

And so, as you can see, I did my best to accommodate that "messy" aspect. BE WARNED, THOUGH. I went to infinity and beyond to give Erik the messiest, drippiest, most OOEY-GOOEY cold in history. So if that doesn't tickle your pickle, you might not want to read. It's…really gross. Also, Charles and Erik are friends here. Nothing more.

Warning: You will get wet. Exit the ride now if you have no desire to be sneezed on.

~*~

Messy

By Spoo

He didn't have a "cold". Oh, no. That was putting it mildly.

What Erik Lehnsherr currently suffered from exceeded a mere rhinovirus (if the unending stream of greenish-yellowish mucus from his nose indicated anything). Something ugly had apparently died in his sinuses; the unseen corpse was rotting away in his nasal passages, rendering him incapable of breathing properly. Perhaps that wouldn't have been so bad, if he could go five damn minutes without sneezing all over himself.

Already a fairly loud and violent sneezer without being ill, Erik could wake the dead with the strength and volume of his sneezes when under the weather. Or at least everyone in the household, who felt inclined to shout an impressive "BLESS YOU!" from wherever they were, outside or inside. Of course, being a metal-bender didn't necessarily help either.

Charles almost had a heart attack when the piping in his walls nearly ripped themselves out in sync with a thunderous sneeze.

And so, Erik was quarantined - which was a polite way of keeping him in his room to avoid further damage to the old manor. Not that he cared much, really. He preferred to be alone when he was sick, not so much for himself, but to avoid any and all conflict with others. Erik was belligerent enough when he was healthy, but when sick?

Only God himself would have mercy on those that experienced Erik's terrifying [and grumpy] wrath.

Shirtless, and buried in the blankets of his given bed, he was trying to sleep. He hadn't gotten much rest the night before, due to the fact that he'd been awake practically all night, coughing; he had been ready to rip his own two lungs out if it meant getting a moment's reprieve. Even now, lying on his stomach, he was having trouble breathing (mostly because his nose was clogged worse than a stubborn drain). He inhaled and exhaled through his mouth, which was halfway open to accommodate his stuffy snores.

It soon became apparent to him that sleep, like peace, wasn't an option. His body wouldn't allow it. Biting back a groan of pure frustration, Erik slowly blinked his eyes open. The pillow was warm and damp beneath his cheek, coaxing him to wonder if he'd drooled or snotted on it. Experimentally, he touched his nose to see if it was running. Needless to say, that was a bad idea when the simple contact roused a deep tickle, uring his damp nostrils to scrunch and then flare as he sneezed rather messily.

"EDSCHUHHhuihh!"

Erik wasn't disgusted by his own condition as he was how weak it made him feel. Sitting, he reached for one of many used tissue balls and swiped up the gloppy green mess that had dribbled down onto his upper lip. Wonderful.

Why his immune system chose now to fail him, he couldn't be sure. He'd been eating right (sort of), and getting decent rest (not really), and he always made an effort to dry his hair after a shower when going out for a brisk morning jog in the cool fall weather (never). Nonetheless, he could only hope that he would get well fairly quickly, because being confined to a bed for a prolonged period of time would no doubt begin to drive him mad.

He was already beginning to feel a little stir-crazy.

Earlier that afternoon Charles had offered to bring him up some tea. Erik, unsurprisingly, had declined. He wasn't so much an invalid that he needed to be looked after like a child. He was fully capable of seeing to his own needs just fine, thankyoukindly.

An unpleasant 'snhrrkkkkk!' resounded from his throat as he snorted back a wall of congestion that had refused to be blown out. Naturally, the gesture made him cough - the thick and phlegmy sound equally displeasing. Erik had endured worse, surely, but this cold was starting to grate on his nerves more than he cared to admit.

"EGH'SHHKkkhuh!"

Way more than he cared to admit.

Preparing to stand up, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. The steel water pitcher on his nightstand was empty, which was all the reason and more to venture downstairs. Although he 'wasn't allowed' to leave his room (did Charles really think he'd listen?) Erik deemed his reason worthy of breaking the rules.

He slid into a black bathrobe he had been given by Charles; he hardly used it and figured that now would be an optimal time. Of course, it looked rather ridiculous with his dark tan slacks, but Erik could have cared less about matching at the moment.

That also went for his appearance.

His normally neat and styled hair was tousled and flat against his forehead, his face was paler than a marshmallow, but what really drew attention to him was the swollen and angrily red state of his nose.

He descended the stairs with little to no trouble, even though each step made his head pulse. The kitchen was thankfully empty, allowing Erik to enter and head straight for the refrigerator. He wasn't surprised to hear a voice behind him not seven seconds later, just as the owner of said voice was probably unsurprised to 'hear' him.

"I would have gladly brought something up to your room, Erik."

"And I would have gladly explained that I could have gotten something myself."

"I'm intrigued that you even made it downstairs in your condition," Charles sighed, walking into the kitchen. Genuine concern reflected in his kind, patient face as he stopped just short of reaching Erik. "You'll never get well if you keep testing your limits, my friend."

"I wasn't aware that getting a drink was considered a strenuous activity. I'll try not to overexert myself pouring orange juice into a glass," Erik deadpanned, ever the sourpuss.

Immune to the man's sharp tongue, Charles merely chuckled. "You're as amicable as ever."

Erik leaned back against the counter, sipping the citrusy drink he couldn't really taste. He set the glass down once he was finished and then returned the carton of juice to the fridge. Mission accomplished.

"Raven made some soup," Charles mused, shrugging. "If you're interested in that."

"I'm not hungry," Erik replied.

The ill mutant was ready to return upstairs, but he found himself distracted when his nose decided to misbehave again. Erik was snarky, but he was not impolite. He turned away from Charles and buried the lower portion of his face into his shoulder, his arm slightly raising.

"EHKSSShhuihhh! Hihh..hh…EHSKTCHHhhuhh!...EDKSSTHchhh!"

It couldn't be just one in front of Charles. God forbid. No, it had to be three: Three loud, wet, vicious sneezes that had the silverware rattling in their drawer.

Erik pressed the back of the robe sleeve to his nose. While he had no inhibitions about sneezing in front of Charles - or anyone, really - he didn't necessarily want to showcase the slimy byproducts of the action itself. It was becoming annoying that he couldn't sneeze without expelling something from his nose.

"Bless you," his companion said, surprised that Erik hadn't blown out his eardrums in the process. He reached into his back pocket and withdrew a clean, folded handkerchief. "Here. You need it more than I do at the moment."

Erik didn't take the handkerchief because he genuinely appreciated Charles' concern. He took it because he didn't enjoy standing around with a messy nose. The cloth was soft and smelled of clean laundry (at least as far as his dulled sense of smell could detect). It was also lavender and borderline feminine, but Erik wouldn't get into that.

"That's a rather impressive cold you have," Charles commented.

"Stand a little closer and it'll be yours," Erik muttered, but there was the smallest of smirks on his lips.

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline that generous offer," Charles laughed, desiring not to catch Erik's illness. One of them had to be in good health if they were to continue their training sessions with the others. "Now, do get back up to bed. You made a very good point by implying that you are, in fact, quite contagious."

Erik lowered the handkerchief from his nose and gripped it in his hand. "All the more reason for you to keep your distance," he said.

"I suppose that's an indirect way of saying you do not wish to be brought dinner this evening?"

"You read my mind."

"Without even doing so."

Charles smiled as Erik walked past him, heading out of the kitchen to go back upstairs. Before he completely disappeared, the telepath called out to him.

"Oh, and Erik? Feel free to keep that hanky. The color suits you."

Charles had to wonder if the following sneeze was sarcastically fake, but he deemed it real when two more joined it, each muffled into the handkerchief that no longer belonged to him.

END.

[Jorm]

Is it bad that the grumpier Erik is, the more I love him? But now as much as I love you for writing this I only wish there was more of this wonderfully messy cold Erik has caught himself. And which he totally should manage to pass on to Charles.

[Sitruuna]

I-i-i-i... You, you, you... *jumping and rolling around* I never imagined someone would write this. Or post something as nice and messy. Describe the mess so nicely...

Can I hug you, can I, can I, can I? Awwmmmmmmmmmmm...

*hugs her pillow and goes re-read, read, read...*

[GiovannaMagnetoCMPunkgirl]

*Covers mouth* I think I'm in love with your writing! <3 My goodness. You are an amazing writer! I love the story, too. But your writing skills... *jealous*

This is just.. super amazing. The messier the better!!

[Dusty15]

"It soon became apparent to him that sleep, like peace, wasn't an option."

*dies laughing* Now, Spoo, that was just gratuitous AND I LOVED IT

So delicious <3

[Mercury]

I'm so glad you posted this because it was much better than I expected since it was written for a non-forum request, but it was just as fetishy and wonderful as ever

And poor Erik, he never does anything by half does he? I think I've fallen in love with mess. That, or you writing mess. Either way this story is perfection. Thank you for posting it

[DaylightStarr]

Oh my God! You do not have ANY clue how much you just made my day! That was just... God, to think that I came so VERY close to not reading this because I dislike mess! I think I make an exception for messy, grumpy German mutants!

Wonderful job, Spoo! I am so glad you chose to finish this fic!

Okay, done with the overuse of exclamation points now...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, now...

Edited September 27, 2011 by DaylightStarr

[queenie]

Gluh.

[Spoo]

Ouroboros: Not bad at all! I love a grumpy!Erik so much. You have nooooo idea, haha. I'm pretty sure he'll give it to Charles no matter what.

Sitruuna: I was actually pretty nervous to post this, BECAUSE it was so messy. It's not my area of expertise, and I generally stray away from it. I'm glad you appreciated the messiness, though! It gives me some major confidence. And OF COURSE you can hug me! I love hugs.

GiovannaMagnetoCMPunkgirl: I'm so incredibly flattered! Thank you so much. I take pride in my writing, and when I get a compliment like that I beam! Thanks again!

Dusty15: HAH! I'm glad someone got a kick out of that. I really couldn't help it, Dusty. It was too perfect! Glad you liked.

Mercury: Coming from you, my dear, that means a lot. I'm happy that you found it to your liking. Yay!

DaylightStarr: Ohjeez! I'm glad I didn't scare you off. My biggest fear was ruining Erik for people who find him irresistibly attractive. I didn't want: "OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! HE'S SO NOT HAWT ANYMORE!" Fortunately, I think I managed to avoid this.

queenie: . . . Gluh? I'm hoping that's a good thing!

[swann_ee_song]

Um, is there more????

Either way, this was sooooooo delicious. And usually overly messy is not my bag, baby. But this? THIS?? YESYESYES.

I've already read it twice, and I'm sure more re-reads will follow.

"That's a rather impressive cold you have," Charles commented.

"Stand a little closer and it'll be yours," Erik muttered, but there was the smallest of smirks on his lips.

Best. Line. Ever.

And the whole "You read my mind." "Without even doing so." was just fantastically funny and fitting.

Why don't you write more things ever??? You should be one of those regularly weekly or even daily fic-writers. =P

[queenie]

queenie: . . . Gluh? I'm hoping that's a good thing!

It's a "you've turned me speechless into nonsense syllables" thing.

[SterlingSilver]

"That's a rather impressive cold you have," Charles commented.

"Stand a little closer and it'll be yours," Erik muttered, but there was the smallest of smirks on his lips.

END.

BEST.. LINE.. EVER.. XDDDDD. It communicates so much character in such a short phrase. THe whole thing was amazing, of course. The sneezes were just perfect Spoo, you've done it again!

[Guest]

Deliciously lovely. I think that Charles should start sneezing next - and I don't see Erik as being the nurturing type... but maybe a student... or a Beast?

[Spoo]

swann_ee_song: You said so many flattering thiiiiings! Thank you, dear. I really appreciate it. To be honest, that was my favorite line in the whole fic. I'll try to write more soon!

queenie: Good to know! Haha.

BlackScatter: Hearing that from you makes me sooo happy, considering you're a fantastic writer yourself. Thanks, sweetie!

unicornpearlz: Thank you very much! I actually wrote a Charles story already, but...it's in the 18+ section. It actually did involve care-taking from Erik, but it wasn't overdone (at least I hope it wasn't...). Anyway, I'm happy you enjoyed this story.

[Purple]

Spoo..you..just..how..I..don't...you just made me speechless (Again).

I am....wordless.

Yup.

Just...

I speak for all of us when I say, "NEVER STOP WRITING!"

[shingetsu]

Charles was so Charles sounding and Erik was, you know, Erik. ...That doesn't make any sense, does it?

But it was yummy! KUDOS to you!

[Nicolias312]

That completely "tickles my pickle"!!!

lol

Please more....please? Have you written any other stories???

[doggo]

Not familiar with the fandom, but hot damn! That is one sexy cold. Yum.

[Kshu]

Haha very nice. Also, your intro before the story, it is beautiful lol.

[sneasons greetings]

Oh, Spoo. You never fail to please, do you?

This was fantastic.

[Anonymouse]

I really need to stop obsessively Googling various combination of "Michael Fassbender" and "sneeze," etc, but then I always stumble upon something incredibly rewarding (like that nose picture ) and the reward just reinforces my perverted behavior.

Whatever, I'm glad I found this! I don't know how I missed it, and I'm glad it's still open to comments because I gotta lot of love to share.

I love the idea of Erik being "a fairly loud and violent sneezer" even when he's perfectly healthy. Mmm.

He'd been eating right (sort of), and getting decent rest (not really), and he always made an effort to dry his hair after a shower when going out for a brisk morning jog in the cool fall weather (never).

So basically he's been taking terrible care of himself. Why do I love the idea of him going out for a jog with a wet head so much?

"EGH'SHHKkkhuh!"

Can I just say your sneeze spellings are absolutely perfect for him.

"I would have gladly brought something up to your room, Erik."

"And I would have gladly explained that I could have gotten something myself."

Oh, Erik, you stubborn son of a bitch.

It couldn't be just one in front of Charles. God forbid. No, it had to be three: Three loud, wet, vicious sneezes that had the silverware rattling in their drawer.

*giggles and kicks her legs like a five-year-old*

It was also lavender and borderline feminine, but Erik wouldn't get into that.

I don't know why but I found this really funny.

Also, LOVE LOVE LOVE those three sneezes at the end. The cherry on top of the sundae. Triples are my favorite, and the fact that he can't seem to help but sneeze in multiples around Charles makes me happy.

Thank you for writing this.

[Spoo]

Thank you for writing this.

Click for a response!

[Anonymouse]

LOL you are so cute. "unbearably atttactive" how right you are. Also that cough of his you sent me... gurhhhhhh It's almost painfulhow attractive that bastard is.

[FreeFluShots]

Not familiar with the fandom, but GOD did I love the messiness. SO lovely and delicious. <3 I also loved this line: "Stand a little closer and it'll be yours" I will have to use that when the opportunity presents itself IRL...

Edited August 25, 2013 by FreeFluShots