Can Jedi Sneeze?

[SapphireSong]

Title: Can Jedi Sneeze?

Fandom: Star Wars

Disclaimer: There is no way that I own/invented/make money off of this franchise WHAT SO EVER. I just love it (and Anakin XD) Thank you Mr. Lucas!

Summary: Anakin is in an off-mood, so his wife Padme comes up with a way to get his mind off his troubles...

Author's Notes: This story takes place between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, during the Clone War. I am partial to the Anakin from the new-ish Clone Wars series (voiced by Matt Lanter! *eeeee ^^), but if you prefer Hayden Christensen, that's perfectly fine with me - whatever floats your boat. XD

So... this is my very very first sneezefic I've EVER posted!!! I reaaaallly hope you like it, I had a blast writing it

If you like it, I shall continue lol; otherwise, here it is!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Padme Amidala entered her apartment with a smile on her face. It wasn’t terribly often that she came home from a senate meeting in a good mood... and when she did, it was for one of two reasons: either the meeting had gone unbelievably well, or... her husband was home.

Anakin Skywalker, the man of her dreams, was quite possibly the most talented Jedi knight the Republic had ever seen; this meant he was heavily involved in the Clone War, and she seldom saw him.

Today, however, happened to be one of the rare times when he was off assignment, which meant he could do as he pleased until he was called back again. If the Council members ever wondered where he managed to conveniently disappear to on these occasions, well... she certainly would never tell.

There was no sign of Anakin anywhere in the open living space; Padme frowned, but made her way to the bedchamber. She knew that sometimes he liked to be in there, to meditate or just plain think.

Sure enough, Anakin was seated on their bed, staring out the panel window at the Coruscant bustle of traffic. He looked tired, painfully so, and from his posture and the hard lines of his face, she could tell that he was in one of his darker moods. Padme hated it when he was upset; she was not around him enough these days to soothe him for very long, but she would always take it upon herself to help him feel better when she was.

She studied him from the doorframe, heart aching for him. She had gotten so good at reading him that sometimes she wondered if his Jedi senses were somehow contagious. Today, for example, she could distinctly tell that he was pensive, burdened about the endless war and his role in it. She decided that what he needed was some fun, which she could certainly provide... she just had to figure out how.

“Ani!” she exclaimed happily, sweeping into the room.

Anakin rose with a tired smile and enveloped her in his strong embrace. “Padme!” he replied. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve only been gone a few hours,” she teased him, playfully touching his nose. As she did so, a thought occurred to her – a way to both help him lighten up and to satisfy her deep curiosity.

“So, how was the meeting?” inquired Anakin, looking into her eyes.

“Nothing but a string of endless procedures, as always,” she responded with a look of distaste. “I cannot comprehend why we spend all our time debating in committees when, if we really tried, we might be able to put a stop to this horrible war.” She sighed. “But enough about that,” she finalized, running her hand down his shoulder and arm. “I have an extremely important question for you!” Her eyes sparkled.

“Oh?” he responded, stroking her hair.

“Yes.” She tilted her head and spoke in her best mock-serious voice. “Can Jedi sneeze?”

He raised an eyebrow. “What?” He responded, almost laughing.

“Can Jedi sneeze?” she repeated. “Or, those of humanoid species, anyway.” She smiled up at him. “Like you! You are fully human, and yet I have never once seen you sneeze.” She shook her head. “You may find the question odd, but I am curious. Is it against the Jedi code?”

Anakin gazed at her, mildly amused, but obviously wondering what she was trying to get at. “It’s not against the code,” he answered, “but we Jedi are committed to remaining in control under all circumstances. Distractions such as pain, emotion, and disease are treated if necessary, but never indulged.” He crossed his arms. “You know that as well as I do, I would think.” He half-smiled.

Padme paused. “Yes...” she acquiesced after a moment. “But sneezing is a reflex, not a disease.”

Anakin chuckled. “Maybe... but reflexes like that are a nuisance in battle; that’s why Jedi are trained to suppress them.”

“A-ha, so you ARE trained not to sneeze!” Padme commented. “I knew it.”

Anakin gave her a strange look. “We’re trained to suppress unnecessary reflexes, yes,” he corrected. “Exactly what are you trying to say, Padme?”

Padme pouted at him with mock-petulance. “All I’m saying,” she stated, “is that I’m your WIFE and I have never seen you do something that every single normal human does.”

“Well I’m not a normal human, you know,” he pointed out dryly. “Besides, I don’t think I’ve sneezed for maybe... oh, I don’t know... eleven years? So it’s not just you.”

Padme’s eyes flashed mischievously. “I bet I could change that.”

Anakin groaned. “This is one of your games, isn’t it,” he remarked. “Padme... I just got back from a mission on Felucia... I’m trying to relax here.” Despite his complaining, however, Padme could tell his mood had already lightened considerably. Therefore, she egged him on.

“I know I could,” she amended, smiling coyly.

Anakin’s trademark self-confident grin came out for the first time that day. “Oh?” he teased, touching her cheek lovingly. “One beautiful woman against twelve years of concentrated Jedi training?”

“No contest,” she replied breezily. “Just you watch.”

Anakin sighed. “I suppose, if you must...Go ahead and give it your best shot.” He smirked at her. “Don’t get upset when it doesn’t work.”

She giggled. “I won’t,” she promised. “But it will, Ani. You’ve never been able to resist me before.”

She reached up into her ornate headdress, which was adorned with exotic violet feathers. She drew one out and stroked it with her finger – it was long, delicate, and soft. “This ought to be perfect,” she stated, tracing its tip down the bridge of Anakin’s nose.

Anakin gave her a resigned look. “This is never gonna work,” he commented.

She smiled and ruffled the feather under his nose. He shook his head and raised a hand to rub it.

“Ah-ah-ah,” she reprimanded him. “A Jedi takes pride in his sheer willpower, correct?” she queried.

Anakin blinked. “Well –”

“Then let’s be fair, shall we?” she interrupted with a smile. She led him over to the bed and sat him down. “Now don’t touch your face,” she commanded.

Anakin looked at her like she was half-crazy. “Sometimes I worry about you, Padme,” he teased, but he obediently folded his hands behind his back.

Padme spent the next few minutes teasing his nose with the feather. But although he scrunched up his face and squirmed a little, he showed no inclination of sneezing. He did not even sniff. In fact, he began to show signs of impatience and annoyance, and Padme frowned to herself. Kriff, he’s good, she thought unhappily. I may have to resort to more drastic measures...

Presently, Anakin pulled away from her. “Padme, you’re just making my face itch,” he complained. “That’s not what you want, right? And it’s certainly not what I want.”

Padme fondled the feather, keeping her eyes on her husband. “No,” she admitted. “I must say, they’ve trained you well.” She reached absentmindedly into her pocket, and her hand touched the little pouch of powder makeup she had just bought the other day. Hmmm... she thought, dipping her fingers into it.

Anakin laughed. “Does that really surprise you?” he asked, smiling into her warm brown eyes.

“Again, no,” said Padme lightly, running the feather through the powder on her fingers. “You are the Chosen One, after all.”

The corners of his mouth turned down slightly. “So they say.” He looked away from her at the window again.

“Hey,” she added, turning his face to her again gently, “no matter what ‘they’ say, you’re still my Jedi knight in shining armor!” She kissed him lightly on the lips, and he smiled and leaned in closer, kissing her back.

He shook his head when they pulled apart. “I love you, Padme,” he said dreamily, blue eyes alight with affection. “Even though I still can’t understand you sometimes.” He chuckled. “Even being a Jedi doesn’t help me with that.”

“Mmm,” said Padme, tilting his head up toward her. He stared into her eyes, completely engrossed.

At that moment, Padme deftly inserted the feather up Anakin’s right nostril and twirled it. Anakin, having been preoccupied with his wife’s beauty as he always was, had not anticipated this at all. He blinked, surprised, as the unusual sensation hit him.

It was then that his Jedi senses began working to his great disadvantage. He could feel clearly through the Force every aggravating barb and shaft that was now resting in his nasal cavity – as well as every mote of whatever substance was on the feather... and he could not phase out the sensory input. He was annoyed by this, so he managed to conceal his discomfort from his audacious wife and instead convey his displeasure. “Padme, really,” he admonished. “Stop that!”

Padme sighed with disappointment. She had thought for sure... but his tone allowed for no arguing, so she withdrew the feather.

As she did so, Anakin cringed inwardly. The soft tendrils caressed his sensitive nasal passages, sending waves of tiny itches throughout his nose. He sniffed soundlessly, hoping to alleviate the itching without Padme noticing. BIG mistake. The air caused the particles that remained in his nose to explode upward, emigrating farther back inside his nose and toward his throat, burying themselves there. The particles burned, and Anakin knew he was going to do something he had not done since he was a child. He was going to sneeze.

Padme noted that it was getting extremely difficult for him to quell the human reaction; she saw the slight flicker of his eyelids, subtle yet increasing. Thus, she took the feather and began tracing it tantalizingly from base to tip underneath her husband’s twitching nostrils.

He stiffened as she did so, and she knew she had won. His eyelids fluttered noticeably. A shade of pink began to creep up his handsome nose as his breathing became irregular. His nostrils began quivering violently, and his eyes defocused as she flicked the feather’s tip. He took a short, hitching double gasp of breath, and her heart skipped a beat – and then, he stopped. His nostrils still pink and quivering, his eyes watering.. he still did not give in.

Oh no, you don’t, she thought. She inserted just the tip of the feather in his right nostril and rotated it provocatively. Then, in the other nostril.. then back.

Anakin shuddered. The sensation was overwhelming him. He was pouring all his talent into NOT sneezing... but it was just... too... MUCH!! As the cloud of dusty particles whirled inside his head, the feather hit a spot where it had traced before. That did it. Anakin gasped erratically as his body finally took over. Heh.. hEEhhh... HEHHH... his face contorted, the sneeze building into gigantic intensity. His breath came faster and deeper, until – hehhe – heITCHUUU!!! Anakin sneezed violently, away from Padme, pitching forward and almost falling off the bed.

He took a deep breath after it, slightly dazed.

Padme gaped, then grinned. “HA! I win!!” she exulted, poking him. “You may be a Jedi, but you’re still human.”

“Yes..” said Anakin breathlessly, shaking his head. “C-can I rub my nose now? Please??”

She shook her head mischievously, and he groaned.

“Aw c’mon Padme, I … I ...” his breath hitched again. “Oh no...” uiaaahCHu!!! the second sneeze was not quite as forceful, but it was wetter. Anakin sniffed several times, but it was no use. His poor nose was hopelessly irritated, and three more sneezes burst out of him. Huhchoo! Heh... He-ISHEW! Ahh...ahhHH... huTSCHEW!!!! He gave Padme such a dirty look that she laughed.

“Okay, okay, rub your nose. I got the answer to my question.”

“Y-Yes, you di- dih –” Anakin rubbed his nose vigorously with one gloved hand, trying to get rid of the tickle. He seemed to have some success, as he glared at his wife with something like grudging admiration. “Yes, you did,” he finished with a sniff.

Padme smiled at the sound. It was so deep and wet, so...human. His nose was now bright red, as were his cheeks. She placed both hands on his cheeks. “Thank you, Ani,” she said tenderly, pulling him into a kiss.

“You’re welcome...” was his muffled reply. “Anything for –” he pushed her abruptly away, turning to the side as another sneeze took him. Ehh – ehhTCHH! He rubbed his face with both hands. Padme began to feel a bit guilty; she watched with growing concern as he paused, sneezy expression growing again in spite of his valiant efforts to stave it off. His breath hitched once... twice... and then he exploded again. huhIT’CHU!! He sniffled miserably, wiping his nose on his wrist. He gulped, and turned half towards Padme again.

“Ohhh...” he moaned, scrubbing at his nose with his wrist. He could sense her guilt now, even though all the sneezing was clouding his Force awareness somewhat. He shook his head, feeling the tickle continue to mount. “Padme..” he began, “wha – w-what d-did you... oh no –” his normally piercingly clear blue eyes were welling up with tears, and he was fighting to keep his breathing normal. “What... did you put... o-on that..?!” he choked out, gesturing to the feather. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Uh-oh..n-not ag-ehh–“ he held his hand in front of his face in helpless preparation. Heh – Hehh – hEHH – this sneeze built up tortuously as well. It just would not stop tormenting him, and Padme bit her lip. He was still going...EEHH... huETCHSHH!!! It finally burst its way out of the young Jedi, tearing against his vocal cords. Anakin winced and rubbed his throat. “Chuba,” he cursed peevishly.

Padme flushed, and stroked his shaggy hair back out of his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I had no idea you were this sensitive...”

He gave her a look. “I’m not,” he insisted. “It’s... like you said. I... can’t resist you.” He grinned impishly.

She pretended to be offended. “So, are you saying you LET me win?” she demanded playfully.

He sniffed hard and tried to reply, but was rudely interrupted – by another sneeze. HuhIcSShH! He sighed quietly and continued to rub his nose in a futile effort to calm it.

“Baybe,” he said as nonchalantly as he could; his sinuses were rapidly filling, and he was starting to sound extremely congested. Padme sighed and dropped the feather. Anakin hugged her. “Dod’t worry, Padbe,” he reassured her. “I’b strog with the force, rebe’ber? This wod’t last log.” He sniffed wetly. “See?” he smiled, and she smiled back, as he seemed to be recovering now. “Well, that was certaidly... idteresti’g,” he said dryly, studying her.

“Hmm, yes,” she assented. “I see why Jedi don’t sneeze; because when they sneeze... they really sneeze.”

Anakin laughed, which turned to coughing. “I guess you could say that,” he added when he could speak. But then, an odd look spread across his face, and he sneezed. Again. UhhTCHu! “Aww, cub od,” he protested hoarsely.

At that moment, he heard a sound that made his blood run cold: his council call signal.

Be-eep. Be-eep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's all so far. Lemme know what you think! *runs and hides *

[Quite Contrary]

I like this! Lol, what a great distraction... Is there more?

[Jagged Angel Rowan]

MORE! MORE! MORE!

I MUST know what happens!

This is amazing and the best Star Wars fic I've read since...well...ever!

[27jj]

Ahhh, this is SO hot!! I absolutely LOVE Hayden Christensen Anakin:) I especially loved him saying ‘oh no’ when he was going to sneeze I would love to see more!!

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Awww, poor Jedi. Such a delicious story, all that training, helpless against a few irritants. Loved reading it.

[Tassielli]

Oh wow. I really hope there's more. You're a great writer. What did she put on the feather?

[SapphireSong]

Thank you all so much! I'm soooo glad you like!

I like this! Lol, what a great distraction... Is there more?

lol a great distraction indeed. XD Oh yes, there is definitely more ^^

MORE! MORE! MORE!

I MUST know what happens!

This is amazing and the best Star Wars fic I've read since...well...ever!

really? thank you! I will be posting more soon, I promise

Ahhh, this is SO hot!! I absolutely LOVE Hayden Christensen Anakin:) I especially loved him saying ‘oh no’ when he was going to sneeze I would love to see more!!

*sqeee* thanks!! ahhh, Hayden Christens - *cough* I mean Anakin hehe I have plans for him this fic

Awww, poor Jedi. Such a delicious story, all that training, helpless against a few irritants. Loved reading it.

hehehe thank you! ^^ There's just something about sneezing Jedi that makes me wanna melt....

Oh wow. I really hope there's more. You're a great writer. What did she put on the feather?

Thank you so much! There is certainly more. Hmm... what did she put on the feather, you ask? You shall have to wait and see.

[curliecatlover]

More please!

[Aimes]

Oh my goodness I love this!!

[maestruli]

Please make ANAKIN'S REVENGE

[HPG]

Please make ANAKIN'S REVENGE

I agree whole-heartedly. If you ever feel like continuing the story (I completely understand if you don't) I would love to read it, and I am sure that others would too.

[ThePokeFan599]

I agree with Anakin's Revenge too, and depending on who else you want to add, incorporate maybe Ahsoka Tano or Luminara Unduli sneezing too?

[rockbell]

oh my goodness i just found this and its sooo good! could you please write more?

[ebay34]

Oh snap such a cliff hanger plz continue

[dck]

Yeah, somehow these Star Wars stories never get old for me.

[Watercolor Daydreams]

Please continue! Sneezing Anakin is too hot for me to handle

[SpookyBoi]

More?