Dean Winchester and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Sneezy Day

[27jj]

Title: Dean Winchester and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Sneezy Day

A/N: Happy happy (belated) birthday, mads3rv3r!!! Sorry that it is so late and sorry for any mistakes:)

***

Dean wakes up to a repetitive, loud clicking sound and a hell of a headache. His head feels like it’s full of itchy cotton and his swollen sinuses protest when he attempts to breathe through his nose. He doesn’t remember much from the night before, especially nothing after the double-dose of NyQuil Sam shoved down his throat along with threats to his baby’s paint job if he didn’t get some rest. Rest that he would be getting, if it weren’t for the damn noise Sam was making.

“The hell are you doing over there, Sam?” He croaks out after several more unbearable seconds of Sam typing on his laptop.

“It’s called research, Dean,” Sam replies lightly.

Dean rolls over with the intention of telling Sam exactly where he can shove his research when the bright sunlight filtering through worn drapes hits him directly in his eyes. His sinuses prickle, his eyes water, and a sneeze rushes out of his stuffy nose.

“Ehh-KTSHSH-uh!”

“Bless you.”

How Sam gets across the room so quickly, Dean has no idea, but suddenly something square and cardboard is being pressed into his hands. His eyes are hardly open long enough to register the box of Kleenex before he sneezes again.

“EKSCHCH-hhuh! Hahh-ATCHSH!”

Dean winces when his entire body seems to protest the action.

“Next time, you might want to aim for an actual tissue instead of your arm,” Sam smirks above him. A series of groans and sniffles follow, and finally Dean forces himself into a sitting position. Sam helpfully reminds him about the Kleenex by pulling one from the box and holding it out, and Dean grabs it before smacking his hand away.

“How’re you doing?” Sam asks, more gently, and Dean twists away to cough into his sleeve before Sam can try to feel his forehead or something equally unnecessary. When he turns back, Sam looks even more concerned, his forehead creasing in the middle.

“It’s just a…a…hutchESHhh! Hhht-HFTCH!” Dean manages to pull a Kleenex out and delivers two messy sneezes into it. “Just a cold, Sam.”

Sam holds up his hands while Dean blows his nose.

“Okay, okay. Last night, you were sure you were dy-”

“Shut uhh-” Dean is cut short by an involuntary inhale. He blinks rapidly, his breath hitching. He sits still, hands rising slowly toward his face with a Kleenex as the agonizing need to sneeze builds. After several seconds, a shiver runs down his spine and his head snaps forward.

“Htchx-uh! Uhh-hf-CHUSH! Ugh. I think I’b dyigg.”

***

Dean insists he’s well enough to go with Sam to interview witnesses, and Sam doesn’t even try to argue. He does, however, steal the keys from Dean’s jacket pocket while Dean’s in the shower. He doesn’t exactly trust his brother to drive in the state he’s in.

Dean is so miserable he hardly protests, and Sam suddenly realizes he can’t remember the last time Dean was sick. He settles his elbows on the Impala, considers Dean across the top.

“You sure you’re up for this?”

Dean rolls his eyes and climbs into the passenger seat.

They order coffee to-go at a fast food drive-thru window before driving to the museum where the witness works as a janitor. Dean pulls the lid off of his coffee and takes a sip of the black, bitter liquid, wincing when he swallows, and Sam starts to give him the details on the case.

“Apparently, this guy saw some kind of apparition-”

“NNK-HEKSHT!” Dean turns his head suddenly and sneezes abruptly into his shoulder. His cup of coffee, which has no lid, sloshes all over his hand and into his lap.

“Damnit!”

“Whoa!” Sam pulls over to the curb and cuts the engine. Dean opens the door, wincing, and he tries to climb out of the car. He doesn’t quite get both of his legs out, however. One minute he’s in his seat, and the next he’s on his ass on the pavement.

“Dean!”

Sam throws open his door and hurries around the car. It’s starting to sprinkle, and the sound of raindrops hitting the ground is unusually loud. Dean’s pulling himself up, his face red, pride hurt. Sam reaches out slowly to help his brother, but he pulls back when Dean glares. He gets back into the car, and very carefully does not look at Dean when he gets back in, his hair and jacket soaked with rain.

Five minutes later, when Dean almost spills his coffee again, Sam has to bite his tongue so he doesn’t laugh.

***

They pull up in front of the museum, more of a small shop that’s nestled between the post office and a laundromat.

Dean leans forward slightly in his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Sam sifts through their IDs until he finds the right ones. He holds Dean’s out to him, but Dean doesn’t take it. Instead, his nose twitches, and he peers at Sam through watery eyes before his head dips with a sneeze.

“HETCHshoo!”

He snuffles against the back of his wrist for a second before Sam pats his pockets and comes up with a Kleenex.

“Maybe you should wait in the…” Sam trails off when Dean glares at him over the tissue.

“No, Sam.” Dean presses his fingers to the side of his nose and rubs back and forth, his face scrunching up slightly before he drops his hand. He looks like he’s about to say something else, but his nostrils flair wide and he gasps.

“Huhhh…NHX-EISCHhuh!”

Dean pinches his nose hard and grunts in frustration. Sam can see his chest moving slowly in and out, and he knows Dean is trying to get himself under control. His face is pale, his hair still wet and dripping down the side of his face. He drags the Kleenex under his nose with a sniffle, then clears his throat with a stuttering sound that dissolves into a cough.

It’s still raining when they get out of the Impala. Sam can see the mark on Dean’s suit where the coffee spilled. They’re halfway to the building when Dean stops, his breath hitching, and sneezes twice into the crook of his elbow.

“IEH-HITCHSH! Heh-hetshCHOO!”

He pauses, sniffles, starts to walk again, and his foot lands in a puddle.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

***

Dean’s shoe squelches on the floor as they walk into the dim shop. An elderly woman at the front desk hands them a brochure outlining the local history exhibits that are on display. Except for the three of them, the place is deserted.

“Is this the only room?” Sam asks her while Dean looks at a placard showing annual rainfall. “We’re looking for the janitor who works here.”

She takes them to another room full of statues and an expansive display of animal pelts. There’s a man mopping the floor, his bored gaze on a small TV in the corner showing a flood simulation. The room smells strongly of cleaning solution and dust. When Sam taps the man on the shoulder, he spins around, nearly knocking Dean in the head with the handle of his mop.

“Whoa, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Sam holds a hand out, introduces himself and Dean. Dean starts to reach out a hand to shake, but he pulls back quickly and wrenches to the side.

“Hhh-EKSSHCH! Excuse me.”

He turns and pulls the crumpled Kleenex from earlier out of his pocket, face flushed. Sam pulls out a notepad, turns to the janitor with a small smile as Dean walks to the other side of the room, sniffling softly. He gurgles into the Kleenex in an attempt to clear his sinuses, and when he does he takes a deep breath through his nose. He’s immediately overwhelmed by the smell of cleaner mixed with the musty scent of the room. It stings his already irritated sinuses, and he inhales with a shaky breath as a sneeze grows.

“Nn-isshoo!” It echoes throughout the room, and is quickly followed by two more. “HUCHshoo! HUH-eshCHUH!” The last sneeze propels him headfirst into a statue, and everything goes black.

***

“Dean?”

There’s a voice coming from somewhere. It sounds a million miles away, and at the same time he swears its coming from right above him.

“Dean, come on. Wake up.”

The voice sounds suspiciously like Sam. He opens his eyes and sees the blurry outline of a person. Or an Ewok.

“Sam?” He can’t get his voice to work properly, and it comes out barely a whisper. The creature-person moves closer, pats him on the cheek.

“Hey, hey. Take it easy, okay?”

He still can’t see straight, let alone think straight, so he doesn’t know if he’s in danger or not. Dean figures there’s only one sure way to tell.

“Bitch.”

There’s a moment of silence, then choked laughter.

“Jerk. Think you can sit up?”

Dean squeezes his eyes shut, and when he opens them again he can see Sam looking down at him anxiously. He tries to sit up, and Sam places a hand on his back to help him. The entire room spins, then goes still. He wants to cough, but he’s pretty sure it would only make his head hurt more so he tries not to.

“You hit your head pretty good there, huh?”

“I’m hot,” Dean manages, before coughing all over Sam.

***

Back in the Impala, Dean can’t lose his jacket fast enough. He rolls down his window, then rolls it back up so he can press his forehead to the cool glass. Sam hands him a few pills, which he swallows down with cold coffee.

“HEPTCHshuh! Huh-ISHOO!”

“Bless you,” Sam murmurs, pressing something into his hands. It’s a napkin, and it’s rough on his skin but better than nothing at all. Dean shivers in his seat, realizes Sam is still talking.

“…lucky you don’t have a concussion,” Sam is saying, and Dean shivers again. Sam turns up the heat and Dean leans closer to the heater like he’s trying to suck up all the warmth. His nose is running, and when he blows his nose into the napkin he sneezes loudly afterward.

“HF-GKXT! HHR-hashshsh!”

Sam sighs, looks over at Dean, and drives faster.

***

“Sammy…get your hands…huhhh-ww-CHESHCH! Get off me!”

Dean scrubs his nose and tries to pluck a Kleenex from the box in his lap. After several failed attempts, he chucks the box across the room and drags a sleeve under his nose.

“Dean, I’m not touching you,” Sam replies as he tries not to smile. He frowns when Dean scratches at the long gash across his forehead he got after tripping over his own feet going into the motel room. Dean coughs into his fist before pointing an accusing finger in Sam’s direction.

“But you want to.”

A small burst of laughter escapes Sam’s lips, and Dean stands from the chair, stumbling slightly before coming to stand in front of Sam.

“You know what I meant. And I don’t have a fever, so keep your hands to yourself. HAP-heshsh!”

“Bless you.”

Sam retrieves the Kleenex box and hands it to his brother.

“Why don’t you get some rest?”

“Why don’t you get some rest?” Dean retorts, but he makes his way over to the bed, exhaustion and fever making his movements sluggish. Sam stands over the bed while Dean climbs up and pulls the covers over himself, and he waits until Dean’s arms are trapped under the blankets before leaning down and putting a hand on Dean’s forehead.

“Get off of mmm-HRR-esschuh! USHHH!”

Sam pulls away quickly, narrowly avoiding the spray. Dean narrows his eyes and snuffles, then buries his face in the pillows. Sam grins and turns on his laptop, relieved that Dean is finally in bed. It’s been a pretty crappy day, and the sooner Dean can sleep this off, the better. He’s not surprised to hear Dean snoring less than five minutes later, passed out on his stomach with the covers pulled up over his head.

***

End!

Edited March 11, 2011 by 27jaredjensen

[ID2006]

lol... this is awesome. And you captured Dean so perfectly.

[LovelyLinda]

Aww, this is soooo sweeeeeet <3

A bad cold and to top it all this bad luck o.O

Poor muffin...

But your story is awesome, thank you a lot for writing it

[sneezytwilight]

awww poor Dean! But...don't end!!! It can have an aweson twist to it. right?

[telltale]

I feel like it's EVERYBODY'S birthday! This is so perrrfect and just what I needed tonight.

You're a star!

[polychrome]

I thought I liked the original, but Alexander's not nothing on sneezy Dean...

[shygreeneyes]

Oh, poor puppy. Don't you just want to tuck him in and keep him safe? Ah well, at least we get to watch Sam do it.

[iluvsneezes]

Omg, I loved this SO much!! Thank you for sharing your ingenious writing of the Winchester boys. Any sneezy!Sammy in the future?

[27jj]

lol... this is awesome. And you captured Dean so perfectly.

Why thank you!!

Aww, this is soooo sweeeeeet <3

A bad cold and to top it all this bad luck o.O

Poor muffin...

But your story is awesome, thank you a lot for writing it

Thanks:) Glad you liked it!!

awww poor Dean! But...don't end!!! It can have an aweson twist to it. right?

Sadly, this one is done. But there are always more to come! Thanks for reading!

I feel like it's EVERYBODY'S birthday! This is so perrrfect and just what I needed tonight.

You're a star!

Yay! Cake! Thank you so much!!

I thought I liked the original, but Alexander's not nothing on sneezy Dean...

Heee, thanks for reading!!

Oh, poor puppy. Don't you just want to tuck him in and keep him safe? Ah well, at least we get to watch Sam do it.

And who better to do it than Sammy? Thank you for reading:)

Omg, I loved this SO much!! Thank you for sharing your ingenious writing of the Winchester boys. Any sneezy!Sammy in the future?

Thank you!!!!! Glad you liked it:) And there is ALWAYS sneezy!Sammy in the future...

[swann_ee_song]

***

“Dean?”

There’s a voice coming from somewhere. It sounds a million miles away, and at the same time he swears its coming from right above him.

“Dean, come on. Wake up.”

The voice sounds suspiciously like Sam. He opens his eyes and sees the blurry outline of a person. Or an Ewok.

“Sam?” He can’t get his voice to work properly, and it comes out barely a whisper. The creature-person moves closer, pats him on the cheek.

“Hey, hey. Take it easy, okay?”

He still can’t see straight, let alone think straight, so he doesn’t know if he’s in danger or not. Dean figures there’s only one sure way to tell.

“Bitch.”

There’s a moment of silence, then choked laughter.

“Jerk. Think you can sit up?”

Dean squeezes his eyes shut, and when he opens them again he can see Sam looking down at him anxiously. He tries to sit up, and Sam places a hand on his back to help him. The entire room spins, then goes still. He wants to cough, but he’s pretty sure it would only make his head hurt more so he tries not to.

“You hit your head pretty good there, huh?”

“I’m hot,” Dean manages, before coughing all over Sam.

***

I mean this whole story is made of Win(chester), but this part was my absolute fav.

Points for mentioning sci-fi teddy-bear creatures. Points for the Bitch/Jerk banter. Points for head trauma. Points for feverish!Dean... I dunno. I dig that for some reason. And, the way that he coughs all over Sam before passing out again.

You've really captured the Dean-ness in this story, I think. And the way you're comparing him to that children's book is really cute. And appropriate.

Thanks for the great story!

[LoraLee2]

i love this story so much!!! full of all its sneezy dean goodness and steady sam. *huggles story*

[Lady Blessington]

I snuck this story this morning, before the others got up. Or you know, I thought they weren't up yet, but actually they were up and out buying Brazilian groceries.

SO GOOD. Let us meander through the story and examine the goodness.

1. Sam threatening to key the Impala if Dean doesn't take his medicine and go to sleep. Bossy bossy Sam, how you are my favourite.

2. THE EXTREME SNEEZINESS OF DEAN. All of the accidental sneezes and sneaking-up sneezes and sneezes that keep him waiting and the way he BLUSHES after he sneezes. Shnookiemuffinbearpie.

3. Sam always having tissues for Dean. God please yes. And the way Dean sucks at having a cold and Sam has to be all, "And now you use the Kleenex." And that Dean never gets sick. Gnarghrrow, that's so hot to me.

4. Sam looking worried after the cough. That must have been a crappy crappy cough. Oh worried Sam. You're my favourite too.

5. The mega clumsiness of Dean, with the spilling of the coffee and the KNOCKING HIMSELF OUT and the falling on his face and cutting himself open. He SUCKS at having a cold, like he's so discombobulated and out of his element and I looove it and that Sam has his back.

6. The tiny little museum. That seemed really real. Well done.

7. Hot Dean/cold Dean. I love him ditching the jacket and then huddling up to the heater like thirty seconds later. BABY. With his fever and his fever and his Sam behind the steering wheel.

8. Sam being all, "I'm not touching you, don't worry about it," and going over all not-that-sneakily-at-all and waiting until Dean is tucked in and then going for the forehead feel. And Dean with his, "YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT TOUCHING ME, STOP IT."

9. BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM YOUUUU.

10. Muito muito obrigada! You rock hard.

[27jj]

i love this story so much!!! full of all its sneezy dean goodness and steady sam. *huggles story*

Hee, thank you so much!! Glad you enjoyed it:)

I snuck this story this morning, before the others got up. Or you know, I thought they weren't up yet, but actually they were up and out buying Brazilian groceries.

SO GOOD. Let us meander through the story and examine the goodness.

1. Sam threatening to key the Impala if Dean doesn't take his medicine and go to sleep. Bossy bossy Sam, how you are my favourite.

2. THE EXTREME SNEEZINESS OF DEAN. All of the accidental sneezes and sneaking-up sneezes and sneezes that keep him waiting and the way he BLUSHES after he sneezes. Shnookiemuffinbearpie.

3. Sam always having tissues for Dean. God please yes. And the way Dean sucks at having a cold and Sam has to be all, "And now you use the Kleenex." And that Dean never gets sick. Gnarghrrow, that's so hot to me.

4. Sam looking worried after the cough. That must have been a crappy crappy cough. Oh worried Sam. You're my favourite too.

5. The mega clumsiness of Dean, with the spilling of the coffee and the KNOCKING HIMSELF OUT and the falling on his face and cutting himself open. He SUCKS at having a cold, like he's so discombobulated and out of his element and I looove it and that Sam has his back.

6. The tiny little museum. That seemed really real. Well done.

7. Hot Dean/cold Dean. I love him ditching the jacket and then huddling up to the heater like thirty seconds later. BABY. With his fever and his fever and his Sam behind the steering wheel.

8. Sam being all, "I'm not touching you, don't worry about it," and going over all not-that-sneakily-at-all and waiting until Dean is tucked in and then going for the forehead feel. And Dean with his, "YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT TOUCHING ME, STOP IT."

9. BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM YOUUUU.

10. Muito muito obrigada! You rock hard.

Thank you love!! I'm excited that I got some favorite Sams in there:) Ooh and I'm so pleased that you like the museum part! Because I used this Visitor Center/Museum at a park nearby where I live, and I wasn't sure it would even make sense or whatever.

[scarlett_ohara2]

He still can’t see straight, let alone think straight, so he doesn’t know if he’s in danger or not. Dean figures there’s only one sure way to tell.

“Bitch.”

There’s a moment of silence, then choked laughter.

“Jerk. Think you can sit up?”

Mmmmmm. This was SO LOVELY. I have so many favorite parts, ahhh. Your Sam is always the perfect awesome!Sam, and then the whole thing with the heater in the car, WHOA HOTNESS LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE, and the tripping and the spilling the coffee and the sneezing and running into the statue... LOVE. ALL OF IT.

[Foxfire]

Awww, poor miserable sneezy clumsy wet Dean - can I have him to make him better? *puppy eyes*

I will return him... eventually

Oh and I laughed so hard because of the Ewok!

[27jj]

He still can’t see straight, let alone think straight, so he doesn’t know if he’s in danger or not. Dean figures there’s only one sure way to tell.

“Bitch.”

There’s a moment of silence, then choked laughter.

“Jerk. Think you can sit up?”

Mmmmmm. This was SO LOVELY. I have so many favorite parts, ahhh. Your Sam is always the perfect awesome!Sam, and then the whole thing with the heater in the car, WHOA HOTNESS LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE, and the tripping and the spilling the coffee and the sneezing and running into the statue... LOVE. ALL OF IT.

Thank you love!!

Awww, poor miserable sneezy clumsy wet Dean - can I have him to make him better? *puppy eyes*

I will return him... eventually

Oh and I laughed so hard because of the Ewok!

I think that can be arranged... Thanks for reading!

[sneezysammy345]

I want Dean. I can make him feel better.