An Entirely Unprecedented Event - (12 Parts)

[TheCakeIsAlive]

The Doctor strode purposefully to the TARDIS control panel. “Hih-i-eh-CHOOO-ehhh!” he sneezed into his hand. “All right, dear,” he said to the TARDIS with a sniffle. “By flying’s going to be a bit rubbish, so I deed you to work with by bistakes, all right?”

Rory emerged from the hallway, a sandwich in his hand. “Doctor,” he said, surprised. “You’re up.”

The Doctor gave him a cursory glimpse. “Dow’s dot the tibe to eat, Rory,” he said. “We’re catching the billedora.”

“I told you not to wake him!” Rory grumbled to Amy.

(...)

“He’s really going to kill us this time, isn’t he?” Rory commented to no one in particular.

“Rory, let’s dot thidk like that!” the Doctor encouraged. “It’s going to be smashing.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Rory replied.

“Abey…” the Doctor began, but he halted as his nose began to twitch. “Ah… hih… eh-SHOOOO-i-ehhhhh! Ugh – leave the door opedd.”

Amy took in a nervous breath. “Will do,” she said apprehensively. She pushed the door open and braced herself against the frame.

“All right – everybody ready?” the Doctor asked.

“Ready,” Amy said. “Are you?” She was very aware of the fact that they were about to take off from the middle of a forest.

“What do you thidk?” the Doctor replied.

“I think you’d better not sneeze,” Amy told him.

He smiled a bit at her.

Why the quote? Well, Pond... I mean angora48... the reason for the taking up of so much space with a comment is really quite simple. Well, reasons, to be more accurate.

Firstly: the rapid succession of Rory grumbling and the Doctor interacting with the TARDIS and well, sneezing (again, BBC? Season 6? Would be greatly appreciated. ), not necessarily in that order.

Secondly: well, I think the second part speaks for itself, really.

Other than that, I just wanted to say that I'm completely addicted to your writings about the Eleventh Doctor.

[Merino Sheep]

Thank you, I came up with the fez, and my friend added the bowtie.

Sigrith has said it all, I couldn't have said it better myself.

I am looking really forward to reading more tomorrow.

[angora48]

Part 11!

Rory glanced at Amy. “How long do you think he’s going to go on like this?”

“No clue,” Amy replied, bored.

They sat together, watching the Doctor. Evidently, with his psychic abilities, he and the millenora could understand each other telepathically or something, but really, it just looked like the Doctor yelling at a creature that couldn’t reply.

“So this is what you do?” he demanded, towering over the cage. “Just the wod, or cad you vary your effects? …So why…?”

Amy sighed. “What happened to leaving after we caught this thing?”

“I’m just wondering what he’s so angry about,” Rory said. “Before, it was, ‘It’s not its fault for crashing the TARDIS! It’s just its nature!’ Now, he’s all keyed up about something, and he hasn’t even mentioned the TARDIS.”

“Do I sbmell like a hubad to you?!” the Doctor shouted suddenly.

Rory stifled a chuckle, at both the ridiculous statement and the sound of the Doctor’s voice. “Not so intimidating when your nose is stuffed, eh, Doctor?”

The Doctor waved him off dismissively. “This is betweed be add the billedora,” he replied before turning back to the caged creature. “Oh, that’s terribly edlighted of you. Hodestly, what cedtury are you frob? Idterpladdetary travel wih… with bore tha… Hih-esh-UHHHHH!” He winced and rubbed his forehead.

“Oi, what’d I tell you about covering your mouth?” Amy called.

“Add I told you, I’be dot ill!” the Doctor told her. He gave the millenora a steely glare. “Idterpladdetary travel with bore thad wod species isn’t so udcobbud. You could stand to be a little bore opedmided. …What’s that?” He appeared to be listening thoughtfully. “I… Heh-SHOOOOO-i-ehhhh!” He covered his mouth this time, throwing a purposeful look in Amy’s direction.

“Good boy,” she said, rolling her eyes.

The Doctor sniffed. “I haven’t decided yet,” he cavalierly informed the millenora. “Is there addything you cad do about this? …Yeah? How long? …Are you serious? That’s the best you cad do?”

“I think he’s cracked,” Rory muttered to Amy.

Amy clucked her tongue in mock sympathy. “He’s been to the ends of the universe and back, but it’s a millenora and a bad cold that sends him ‘round the bend.”

Whatever the millenora had to say seemed to satisfy the Doctor. “Well, that’s dot ideal, but I guess it’ll do,” he told it. “All right, you’ve got a deal.”

The Doctor turned to Amy and Rory, grimacing as he coughed into his fist. “Everything’s sorted,” he announced. “All that’s left to be dud is go idto towd add let the coudcil doh we caught the dabb billedora, so we wod’t be taking addy puddishbent today, thadk you very buch.”

“Doctor, wait!” Amy protested. “What the hell is going on?”

“We’re dropping the billedora off od ad asteroid belt,” the Doctor explained, “odly it got bore thad it bargaid for getting a lift off a TARDIS. We’re taking it to sobe far-flung galaxy, cedturies before addy spacecraft will ever cobe dear it. Doh, this billedora wod’t be causing addy bore crashes.”

“But what were you yelling at it for?” Amy asked.

“You said not to touch it, but you were grabbing it before,” Rory pointed out. “What does it do? Will you be all right?”

“I’ll be fide,” the Doctor told him. “You two had doh reasod to get dear it – I was already affected, so I was the best choice for the job of haddling it.”

“What’re you on about?” Amy demanded with an exasperated sigh.

The Doctor turned and looked at her, startled. “Its defense bechadism,” he said, as if it was obvious. “It interferes with your percepshuds, ibitates the sedsations of ad illdess.”

Rory’s jaw dropped in surprise. “You mean, the millenora made you ill?” he asked, a little impressed.

“Doh, it bade be feel like I was ill,” the Doctor explained. “Hih-i-eh-SHOOOO-ihhh! Ah – still bakes be feel like I’be ill,” he corrected. “Doh virus, doh physical badifestations, add yet I feel hot, achy, tired, codgested, etc., etc… It’s actually quite clever.”

Rory frowned. "I don't get it."

"It creates phadtob sedsations, all id your bide," the Doctor explained. "Gives you all sorts of ibbagidary aches, ad overall sickly feeling, tickles id your dose add throat that aren't really there. It cad even bake you feel like your dose is horribly stuffed up whed it is, id fact..." He shined the light from his screwdriver into his nostrils and allowed Rory to have a peek. "...Clead as a whistle. Ab I right?"

"That's so bizarre," Rory murmured. Strange as it was, what the Doctor said was true - all the symptoms he'd been displaying had no visible signs whatsoever. Well, one - his nose was rather red, but the Doctor would have caused that himself, rubbing it too much when it was never itchy to begin.

"Bizarre, yes," the Doctor agreed, "but also rather impressive. I'd be quite fascidated if I wasn't so angry with the creature."

“Wait – that’s its big scary defense mechanism?” Amy asked. “It gives people colds?”

“Dot decessarily,” the Doctor told her. “It cad bibbic cobbud illdesses id all sorts of species, except whed it latched odto the TARDIS, it pribarily caught the hubad scent, since the two of you outdumber be.” He sniffed a few times, frowning as he wriggled his nose. “So, it assubed there were odly hubads od board.”

“So why don’t we feel ill?” Rory asked. “Why did it only hit you?”

“That first day id the forest,” the Doctor reminded him, “we cabe uppod sobe scratches it had left od a tree. It’s bade to look like just a trail, like it stopped to sharpen its claws, but it left sobe of its saliva as well. Whed I touched it, by skid absorbed it, add it begad bessing about with by perceptions.” He began to cough and turned away from Amy and Rory.

“…So what happens now?” Amy asked. “What about you? How are you meant to recover from a fake illness brought on by alien saliva?”

“Dorbally, the symptobs rud their usual gabbut,” the Doctor explained. “Boste people dod’t even realize they’ve bed hit by the billedora, since they’re usually experiencing ad illdess that’s cobbud to their race. It’s devver addything deadly – just eduff of ad addoyance that addyone looking to catch or kill the billedora give up add get thebselves to bed.”

“You said ‘normally,’” Amy prompted. “That’s not the case here?”

The Doctor looked back at the millenora, giving it a slight smirk. “Thadks to by very gederous offer dot to kill it, it’s offered to give be a bit of help. It’s relatively codfident that it cad bake it so it’s out of by systeb id the dext day or so.” The smug smile vanished as he began to gasp. “Ah… heh… ih…” He pulled his handkerchief from his jacket pocket. “Eh-chi-UHHHHH!” he sneezed, rocking his head forward. “Whew,” he breathed, rubbing his nose as he righted himself again. “Wod’t be a bobent too sood. But eduff talk! I’ll get us idto towd, we’ll bake our appearances before the coudcil, add thed we’re quitting this pladdet! Thadk gooddess.” He walked to the control panel, flipped a few switches, and the TARDIS powered up.

[Merino Sheep]

I'll go ahead and comment on this morning, since you posted earlier today. Yesterday I was trying to comment and my roommate was worried we would miss breakfast she was rushing me to get out. XD Not that I am complaining about what time you posted. I quiet enjoy the 8AMish [what time it is in my zone] updates. Anyway on the real comment.

This really is a brilliant idea. You are a genius in my book any day. I just love the plot and the way you're writing the characters. It's just like watching the show. Except in away better with the added effect of the sneezes. [seriously, BBC you really need to read this. I'm telling you great episode here just waiting to be made.]

I cannot wait to read more tomorrow! [|=)8

[Guest Nindylou]

I love that you update first thing in the morning! What a great way to start the day...except that now I have to wait until tomorrow for the next bit. Lovely work!

[AppleBlossom]

I LOVE THIS STORY SOOO MUCH!!!

You are a awesome writer!

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Oh gosh, I love the observation at the beginning: "They sat together, watching the Doctor. Evidently, with his psychic abilities, he and the millenora could understand each other telepathically or something, but really, it just looked like the Doctor yelling at a creature that couldn’t reply." It made me laugh.

Your fic reads like an episode. Amazing.

[obsessed]

Oh man, there's just something I love about the "whew" you threw in.

[count tiszula]

Exciting and clever denouement!

On a loonier note, when you write been as "bed", does that mean that in American it is normally pronounced "ben"? I know RPattz remarked he keeps forgetting to pronounce it "bin". Hmm, I wonder how "beon" was pronounced.

[angora48]

count de tisza, I normally pronounce "been" as "ben". If I'm speaking very quickly, it sounds a little more like "bin", but with a fairly soft "ih" sound - it's not like you would say "rubbish bin". I spent a lot of time trying to make sure I was using convincingly English-sounding words and phrases, but it never occurred to me that I ought to change some of my phonetic spelling on the stuffed-up talk!

Here is Part 12, the final chapter of the story. On the one hand, the Doctor isn't quite finished sneezing yet, and it seems a little irresponsible to leave before he's done, but on the other hand, in the wonderful hypothetical world where the Doctor is sneezing on my TV screen instead of in my imagination, the "episode" would end here, so I'm going to bring us to a close. Thanks so much for reading and commenting - I really enjoyed writing this story!

“Add stay out!” the Doctor called. He and Amy stood at the door of the TARDIS; the millenora soared away, holding fast to an asteroid.

“How about that?” the Doctor said, shutting the door. “Headache, sore throat, fever, add a stuffy dose, add I baddaged to save the day quite handily – flying the TARDIS through a bess of trees, catching a billedora, baking dice with sobe udpleasant Cherrhoksiads, add flying to ad asteroid belt halfway across the universe. You’re impressed, adbit it.”

“Maybe a bit,” Amy told him teasingly.

The Doctor returned to the control panel and began fiddling with the dials. “And where do you think you’re going?” Amy asked.

The Doctor smiled at her. “Where would you like to go?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do – we’re gonna keep still,” Amy informed him. “We’re not going anywhere until you’re well, and I won’t hear any arguments about it.”

“You do realize there are asteroids whizzing past us right outside?” the Doctor said.

Amy frowned. “Okay, one argument,” she said.

The Doctor looked back at the controls. “I’ll orbit us aroud Dedtarado,” he told her. “It’s a lovely bood id the Kerec Systeb. It’ll be a great place to visit… Heh-ih-SHOOOO!” He sniffed. “…Id a day or so.”

In moments, there they were, materializing before a glittering orange moon. The Doctor set the TARDIS to idle, allowing the moon to gather them up in its gravitational pull. With the millenora dispatched, the birdcage thrown out and its spot on the floor of the control room cleaned (to, in the Doctor’s words, “bake sure I devver feel the ghastly horribledess of a hubad sore throat agaid”), and the TARDIS lazily orbiting around Dentarado, there was nothing else to be accomplished.

Rory entered the control room, carrying a steaming mug of tea. “There you go, mate,” he said.

“Oh, wodderful Rory Williabs, you’re brilliant,” the Doctor said contentedly. He took the mug, closing his drooping eyes for a moment as he sipped the hot drink.

Rory smiled modestly. “And you think you’ll be all right soon?” he asked.

The Doctor took another sip of tea. “Should be,” he replied. “The billedora thought the effects should start reversing thebselves dow. Said I ought to be bostely right toborrow – still a few sniffles and baybe a bit achy, but that’ll pass before too long.”

“Glad to hear it,” Rory told him. “After you finish that tea, it’s straight to bed, yeah?”

The Doctor turned to Amy. “He cad be quite forceful, cad’t he?”

“Only when he’s got his nurse’s hat on,” Amy replied.

The Doctor looked back at Rory and gave a cheeky salute. “Will do, Durse Williabs, sir,” he said. “Eh-ih-CHUUUHHHH! Ugh…” He rubbed his nose with a little groan. His body language suggested that he’d only just remembered how tired he was.

Rory placed the back of his palm against the Doctor’s forehead. “Oh, right,” he mumbled with a frown as he remembered the Doctor’s temperature wasn’t actually elevated. “How’s your, um, your fever that isn’t a fever?”

The Doctor sniffed. “Head feels a bit hot, but at the bobent, I feel sobewhat chilled – to tell you the truth.” He pressed his fist to his mouth to stifle a small cough.

Immediately, Amy moved to a storage compartment and found herself a thick blanket. “Can’t have that, now, can we?” she asked, draping the blanket over the Doctor’s shoulders. He gave her a slightly weak, but very earnest, smile.

“Hold on – does that do you any good?” Rory asked. “The blanket and the tea and all? I mean, if it’s just phantom symptoms like you said.”

“What’re you on about?” Amy asked him.

“Well, blowing his nose didn’t make him any less congested!” Rory pointed out. “Maybe nothing really has any effect.”

“So why’d you give him the tea, then?” Amy argued.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Rory cried. “I haven’t exactly been trained in caring for millenora-induced fake illnesses that are all in your head!”

“Could we baybe do a little less shouting?” the Doctor asked, rubbing his temple with his fingers.

Amy and Rory whipped into shape. “Sorry, Doctor,” Amy mumbled.

“So, how ‘bout it?” Rory asked the Doctor. “Does the tea or the blanket make a difference? Do they help you feel any better at all?”

“Well, id a word – Hih-i-eh-SHOOOO-ehhh!” the Doctor sneezed forcefully, pulling a corner of the blanket over his nose. He sniffled. “…Doh.” Rory gave a disheartened look, and Amy pouted. “But,” the Doctor went on, “the freddly sentibent behide the tea add the blanket is quite lovely, add that cheers be up a great deal.” He smiled warmly at them both.

The Doctor slid to the floor, back against the wall and wrapped up in his blanket. Amy and Rory sat down on either side of him as he drank his tea. “At any rate, I’m sure you’ll like taking a day or two to rest and recover,” Rory commented.

“Do you thidk so?” the Doctor asked with a sniffle. “I have a diggling suspicion that I’ll be itchy with boredub before terribly long.”

“Then we’d best get you feeling better fast, yeah?” Amy said, playfully giving the Doctor’s back a light scratch.

The Doctor took another sip of tea and let his weary head rest on her shoulder. “Doh argubents frob be,” he said drowsily. Rory stood up, opened the door to the TARDIS, and sat back down to join them. Quietly, they watched Dentarado dazzle off the light of its star.

[swann_ee_song]

Brilliant ending!

Like everyone else, sad to see it's over. You have amazing plot-weaving skills though! Definitely looking forward to your next endeavor.

[obsessed]

Aww, it's sad to see it over, but it was a lovely story!

[Merino Sheep]

I'm sad to see this end, but everything must and it was a truly wonderful piece of work. I enjoyed every word and cannot wait to read more from you in the future. [Hopefully more Doctor Who stuff. =) But honestly anything would be awesome.] Once again a fantastic piece of work! [|=)8

[TheCakeIsAlive]

I sadly couldn't reply yesterday... but anyway... I can't believe that was the last chapter! ... I'll go through withdrawal!

Anyway, I did very much enjoy every single chapter. You capture the Doctor and his lovely companions perfectly. I do hope I'll see then get portrayed by you again.

[sauce]

This was, in all honesty, written well enough to be a real episode - and what an episode it would be! Brilliant work!

[djcatdj]

Wow! Awesome!

[Frick]

I haven't been around the forum much in ages, but this is such a wonderful story to come back to that I had to comment.

I haven't watched any of the most recent Dr. Who, but this captured the essence of the Time Lord so well. I had a great picture of the 11th Doctor, just from your writing. I loved how disconcerted he was at experiencing the cold for the first time. I loved the way both Amy and Rory teased him, as well as followed him. I laughed as much as I sighed at the adorableness.

And I loved the ending, the three of them sitting together. Friendly sentiment, indeed.

Wonderful!

[djcatdj]

Great story

Edited April 24, 2011 by djcatdj

[Alice]

Definitely in love with this story. Great job!

[ichixshiro14]

Sooo glad this got bumped, you could sell this to Steven Moffat and it would get made into an episode, that's how great your characterization is! Thanks so much for sharing!!!

[Septaero]

This was so delightfully well-written and you got the 11th doctor so spot on, that I am now entirely blissfull for having read not even all of this. Your characterization of the doctor is even so good that I still managed to read somewhat in character in my head when the stuffy nose phonetics started. I, overall, love love love love love it.

[SterlingSilver]

WHAT A WONDERFUL STORY :'D.. The whole cast was perfect <3

[Always]

I'm a bit late to the party, but you wrote this absolutely brilliantly, and the plot was fantastic. It really did play out like an episode, and that's what I think was so lovely about it. Marvelous job!

[Salamander]

Yay, I'm glad Always has bumped this up because I missed the first time and it is just amazing. I love the Doctor/Rory dynamic, Rory being Nurse-y and the Doctor being grumpy. I think you did a great job of the characters and the British feel of the thing, too. Yum.

[I_luv_elephants]

I love this! Personally I'm crap at creating an alien scenario for the Doctor and gang to be in, so not only was the writing fantastic, and the description of the sneezes spot on, but it was also the most creative price of work I have ever seen....! The plot was amazing. I could never do something like this. You did wonderful