Malady - (7 Parts)

[Sawyer]

Here it is. I’m not sure how the jail (gaol?) system works out, so I kind of improvised. Hopefully it seems legit.

I suppose the ending is (or will be?) AU (alternate universe) pertaining to the actual movie. Because that ending was too sad, and I’m a sap.

-

The commute to the Los Angeles County Jail wasn’t a long one, bur proved fairly treacherous to Penny, who was a faintly disoriented bundle of nerves. The building itself was probably one of the nicest in the area, with a stucco exterior and polished offices. Still, it was fairly intimidating – given either the circumstances or sound of thunder outside (surprisingly enough, the rain still hadn’t let up).

“I’m looking for…” She paused, realizing that she hadn’t any knowledge of Billy’s last name – or even if he was being held under that alias. “Dr. Horrible.”

The warden eyed her skeptically. “Why?”

“Um,” Penny stammered. “He’s being held here, isn’t he…?”

The warden stood and led Penny to a cell in the back. “We don’t normally keep them in solitary custody until after a trial,” She explained, “but it was requested he be held here, away from the other prisoners.”

The warden brought herself back to the front of the building, and Penny observed the figure in the cell. He wasn’t yet donned in a prisoner’s uniform, but instead cloaked in white, with black gloves and matching boots. He was curled up onto a cot that seemed to be too small, and the goggles he was wearing prevented Penny from telling whether or not he was asleep.

“Billy?” She said softly, and the confined villain stirred.

He sat up and pushed the goggles up onto his forehead, and Penny saw that there were dark circles surrounding his eyes. He looked exhausted, frightened.

Billy himself had resorted to breathing through his mouth, which dried out his lips and throat further. His entire body felt heavy and sore, ridden with cuts and bruises from his episode with Captain Hammer only hours before. He’d spent an entire night planning his intrusion, and gotten little sleep as a result – as far as he knew, Penny was an illusion.

He didn’t dare look at her. Give his sadistic subconscious the satisfaction.

“Is that you…?” She continued, in the same apprehensive tone.

Billy didn’t want to speak for two reasons. The first being that, if Penny actually wasn’t there (likely, considering his recent luck), he would appear crazy; talking to himself. The latter reason was his voice – he hadn’t spoken for hours, and his tone was probably ridiculously hoarse, not to mention his clogged sinuses. It would be embarrassing.

In either circumstance, he would lose.

“I just broke up with Captain Hammer,”

“What?” Billy said immediately, despite himself. Subsequently, he launched into a throat-scraping coughing fit that left him doubled over and teary-eyed.

“You really are sick, aren’t you? …” Penny murmured. Then, she continued. “I did. I’m not much of a believer in violence, Billy. I thought you knew that.”

“I’b sorry,” Billy said quickly. “HitSCHHuh! It seebs ruthless, but the edds will j’huh… hup’TSHHeh! …justify the beads. I cad chadge the world if I get idto the League…”

Penny frowned. He seemed so dejected; so vulnerable. He meant well, she liked to think. And even if he didn’t mean well… he’d suffered far too much for one day. Hadn’t she just ended a relationship with someone for beating a person when he was down?

And that lab coat looked awfully uncomfortable.

Once more, she insisted, “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

-

What do you say, guys... One more part?

Edited June 11, 2010 by Sen Beret

[zneeze]

Awww Penny's growing on me, lol. Keep going if you want to Sen Beret! It's great

[Bluebird]

Oh schnaplidasco, one more part please! It'll be a great ending.

As for jail system improv- hey, I had to do it whilst writing my "Chicago" fic, and you did a decent job

Great work as always, Sen Beret

[ooo]

Awww, Billy. I just want to give him a hug! And YAY for Penny looking after him, he could use some TLC.

I'd love for you to write another chapter! But if you feel like it's ended for you here, that's okay too - authorial instincts and all, and I shall struggle on without And I fully support sappifying of the ending, btw!

[Mercury]

One more part would be awesome! but I trust your judgment.

I'm still totally loving this.

[Sawyer]

Adskjfahsdfkaf THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYONE. You’re so sweet and encouraging and AWESOME.

Alright, here it is! Second to last part! I KNOW, I’VE BEEN SAYING IT’S THE “SECOND TO LAST PART” FOREVER BUT THIS TIME I MEAN IT. I just can’t bring myself to end this, because I have another idea. Sorry for the slow update – I’ve been busy with… things. But I’m in a plane right now, so why not?

Also, I was wondering. Should I submit this to fanfiction.net? Probably altered slightly to be a bit less fetishy, but… well, you know.

-

The ride back was tense. Billy had shed his lab coat and tossed it into the back seat of Penny’s car, thoroughly soaked, and sat in the passenger’s seat next to her, leaning his head on the window in defeated exhaustion.

A blanket of silence covered them both, and Billy, shivering, would have preferred the blanket be something tangible – like wool, or cotton. Penny kept her eyes on the road, unable to see very far due to the rain. Peripherally, she was able to see Billy shut his eyes tightly and wince into a sneeze.

“Hat’TSCHuh!”Sniff, sniff.

“…would you like me to turn the heat on?” Penny offered.

“I’b sorry,” Billy pronounced, ignoring her inquiry. “About… this.”

“We can talk about that later,” Penny replied, her tone soft and comforting. “Are you cold?”

“Mmm,” Billy mumbled in confirmation, and Penny turned the heat on full blast.

After another period of silence, Billy commented, “This isn’d the way to by apartbet.”

“I know,” Penny responded. “I’m taking you to mine.”

“You shouldn’t…”

“You don’t have any medicine – or even tissues – at your place. And all the dust certainly can’t be good for your sinuses. Stay at my apartment for tonight, at least?”She requested. “I just want to make sure you’re all right.”

“Eved after I—”

“Yes,”

-

As she unlocked and swung open the door to her apartment, Penny began apologizing for her (now ex) boyfriend’s behavior.

“He shouldn’t have acted so ruthlessly,” She stated, and Billy sat on the couch to remove his drenched boots.

“I wish I would have known sooner that he was the reason you kept getting hurt,” She continued, draping a thick blanket over his shoulders and smiling at the contented way he snuggled into it.

“Besides,” She rambled while pulling out a bottle of Nyquil and a glass of water, “he could have just turned you into the police instead of showing off and pummeling you while you were sick.”

Billy downed the medicine as Penny set a box of lotion-infused tissues on the coffee table in front of him. “I mean… I can’t approve of what you were doing either, but—”

“NNGTSCHheh! Hh’AESCHuh!”

“Bless you,”

“Sorry,” Billy repeated. “Ub. Codtidue.”

“I just don’t think you should have to feel forced to contribute to evil to further your cause,” Penny finished. “Whatever that cause may be,” She added as an afterthought. When Billy didn’t respond, she looked over to see him curled up on her couch, using his arm as a pillow.

“”No,” She protested, pulling him up by his arm. “Let me take you to my bed. It’s far more comfortable than the sofa.”

“I could’t do that.” Billy stated. “You already bailed be out of jail ad brought be here, that’s e… edough – hup’TSCHu! ATSCHuh!”

“It isn’t any trouble, I promise.” Penny insisted. She took him by the hand and, too stunned to react, Billy allowed her to lead him to her bedroom.

Again, not how he pictured any of this going down.

“Thake you so buch, really, you did’t have to…”

“Does your head hurt?”

“A little,” The blonde lied. “Dothig I cad’t haddle.”

“I’ll grab you some aspirin.”

So nice. She was so nice. In fact, Billy almost began to grow suspicious (was this some sort of ploy on Captain Hammer’s part?) but ceased when he saw the genuine look of concern gracing her delicate features; her authentic, sweet smile as she handed him the orange pill.

“You really are a… aa’TSCHH! …a datural caretaker, ared’t you?”

“I suppose. I don’t like to see people uncomfortable.”

“TSSSchAH!”

“Here,” The redhead handed him a tissue, unintentionally proving her point.

“Th—”

“Shh,” She stroked his shoulder in a brief motion, and gently pushed him down to sleep.

-

Sorry! I know it was short. ONE MORE PART, I PROMISE.

Oh! And um. When I'm done with this, I really want to write a HIMYM fic. (All while collabing with zneeze, of course!)

Would anyone be up for reading it if I started one?

Edited June 22, 2010 by Sen Beret

[Bluebird]

That was so awesome! Caretaking is wiiiiin I'll need to include that in some fics.

You so should submit it to fanfiction.net. I'd read it there too C:

And a HIMYM fic, huh? That's just win. Anyway...

CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ENDING ASDFGH!

[ooo]

Oh, Billy Penny is such a wonderful caretaker. I'm enjoying this so much!

[zneeze]

Woo! Best male fic I've read in a while. I hadn't realized you continued this till just now lol.

So what are we doing with that collab project? Never mind, lemme just PM you.

[Sawyer]

Okay, for real, THE LAST PART. Paws, I love caretaking. It’s just so… hot and cute and awesome to me. Especially when the guy is like, protesting and insisting that he’s not sick. Delicious.

Ooo! I know, right? She seemed to be just naturally like that. Very sweet. The perfect character for this kind of fic, am I right?

ZNEEZE, THANK YOU SO MUCH! You have no idea how much that means to me. and we’ll get working on that collab, I promise! I’ll stop being lazy. Or, I’ll try.

-

Billy woke up not soon after drifting off, his head still stuffy and limbs cramped. It took him a few moments to register the cause of his stirring – a deep baritone voice filling what would have otherwise been silence in Penny’s quaint apartment.

“Penny, I was the one to get the mayor to sign off on your little homeless gig. I can just as easily be the one to make him recoil if you don’t cooperate.”

“You don’t care about the homeless at all. You don’t care about me at all. You’ve only cared about your publicity. Your reputation.”

“Babe, don’t be ridiculous. You know better than that.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Hey, don’t raise your voice at me!”

“Get out of my apartment.”

“Penny…”

“NNGT’ah!”

The two bickering parties swiveled their heads to the source of the barely-contained sneeze. Billy stood in the doorway, a loose grey t-shirt and a pair of dark slacks draped over his thin frame. He appeared half asleep and perhaps even light-headed, leaning on the doorframe for support.

“Billy,” Penny coaxed, “go back to bed. It’s fine.”

“You’re taking care of him?” Captain Hammer inquired harshly. “After all I did to make sure he was behind bars? Penny, babe, he’s dangerous!”

Penny exhaled harshly and looked the toned brunette in the eye. “No. He isn’t. He’s ill.”

“He’s evil.”

“He meant well!”

“You aren’t thinking clearly. I’ll take care of him for you.”

“Don’t take one step closer!”

“It’s for your own good. Remember what I said about the evil not being people?”

“Stay away from him!”

Thud.

“Get out!”

-

Penny had managed to drag Billy back into her bed once her ex boyfriend was out of the way. She heated up a bowl of chicken soup (generic but traditional) and carried it to her room. She set the bowl on the nightstand next to the blonde and shook him awake.

“Peddy, I’b so sorry—”

“When was the last time you had something to eat?”

As much as he didn’t want Penny to worry, Billy knew he couldn’t lie to her. He took a moment to contemplate his answer. “…two days?”

“What’s wrong with you!” She exclaimed, and thrust the bowl of soup into his hands. “Here, eat this. No wonder you fainted.”

“I faidted? Hh’IDSCHuh! Aa-mptSCHT!”

Penny sat next to him on the bed and rested her hand on his shoulder as he began to eat. “Bless you. How could you have neglected nutrition for so long…?”

From behind a tissue, Billy explained, “I had to work on getting idto the Heroes’ Codferedce.” He discarded of the Kleenex and scrubbed at his nose. “I did’t have buch tibe for adythig else.” Pause, inhale, “Nng’TSCHeh!”

“You didn’t get much sleep either, did you? Oh, you must be exhausted.” She handed him another tissue to quell the subsequent series of sniffles.

“Thake you,” Billy mumbled, his form tensing as he turned away from her to blow his nose. “I thike you worry too buch; I’ll be fide. It’s j-just… ha-aATSCHuh! …just a cold.”

“A cold can develop into pneumonia if you’re not careful,” Penny informed.

“It wod’t,” Billy replied dismissively.

“I’m sorry,” Penny said quickly. “I just… don’t want anything to happen to you.”

He blinked, and she kissed him.

-

I SUCK AT ENDINGS. SORRY. SORRY! I didn’t know how or where to end it… so, well. There it is.

[ooo]

Oh! I just came back to check whether you'd posted more on this and you HAD. Sorry!

I've loved reading this and I thought the ending was adorable. I'm excited now for whatever you write next

[Bluebird]

I. Love. You.

Like, seriously. This ending was so adorably sweet~ I'm squealing a little.

Thank you for writing this Sen. It made my day

[MusicaDiabolos]

Cute story It helps that NPH is made of awesome!

[Sawyer]

Awww! Thank you, ooo! I'm glad you liked it. (:

I LOVE YOU TOO PAWS. Ohmygod, did it really?! Knowing it got that kind of reaction made MY day. For real, man.

MusicaDiabolos! I know, right? He's so delicious and amazing.

GUYS. I'm thinking of doing a Stark Raving Mad fic. The show only got like, 22 episodes... but NPH is so cute in it, so maybe..

I don't know! Should I go for it?

[Bluebird]

Hey, Pushing Daisies didn't last for more than one long season and a short season 2, and yet a bunch of us still write fanfiction of it.

I say: go for it! ;D

[Mercury]

Guh,! I can't believe I missed parts of this story, and now it's finished

Poor Billy, it's like he can't believe Penny would actually care about him, and he's so damaged he doesn't even think it's worth looking after himself. And the way he puts his mission above his own health proves how he much he believes in what he's doing; I'm sure Penny does the same sort of thing with her volunteering.

You write his vulnerability perfectly, by the way. I just want to hug him and never let go.

'Yay' for HIMYM fics! There's not nearly enough.

(And, did you end up putting it on ff.net? I don't know your username there so I can't check, but I think they'd love it )

[Sawyer]

Paws, you're so encouraging! I love it. Maybe I will, then. (:

OMG MERCURY YOU ARE MY FAVORITE. You always like, analyze my stuff in the cutest way that actually makes me want to read it again. So fantastic! Thank you so much, love. For real. I still haven't uploaded it to FF (too nervous!) but.. maybe someday! Haha. I'm collabing with zneeze on a HIMYM fic, but maybe I'll write one of my own, too. Because I'm sort of obsessed.

[swann_ee_song]

This was amazing! It fulfills all my lovely fantasies. Of Penny ending up with Billy, of Hammer being seen for the bad guy he really is, and of course of Billy being sick. ;;;

We're all so strange and torturous aren't we? But seriously though, sometimes torture is fun.