evening - (29 Parts)

[Renee]

oh my god I love this!! Very cute !!! Can't wait for more!!

[jezebel215]

Part 36

She could still feel the impression of his lips on hers long after she had stood up and walked into the bedroom. Ben was tucked into bed, already half asleep as she gathered up a fresh box of tissues, cough drops and the bottle of Vick’s to set up on the bedside table. He was completely asleep by the time she was done.

And she was completely awake. The next day was swirling through her head - class at 9:45, can’t miss it because attendance counts toward the grade, make-up chem lab at 1pm and can’t miss it because this is the last chance the lab is set up. Was there work she had forgotten to do in the last three days since she had pretty much put her life on hold to, to what? To live out the best three days of her life?

Best three days of her life. Kind of a big statement, she thought. But a totally accurate assessment. Sara felt the cold pit of anxiety growing in her stomach. The niggling, endless worrying about school merged with the greater feelings about Ben and she felt it wash through her, a visceral tide of dread and fear, made even more potent with the surge of hope that swelled beside it. As good as everything seemed at that moment, the lush, possible future playing out in her fantasies made her life before this weekend somehow no longer whole. That’s not to say without Ben it was nothing but suddenly all the solitude in it became loneliness. This weekend had showed her how rich life could be with someone you enjoyed spending time with and she wasn’t ready for it to end. At the same time, she didn’t want someone else to have the power to make everything else in her life second rate. How could she be open to a relationship with Ben (is that where they were going?) and still be ok if it turned out he just wanted a fling? How could she balance being brave and being a fool? How could she--

Sara caught herself before she could get any more worked up. “It is what it is and I can only take it one day at a time,” she whispered to herself before pouring herself a double shot of whiskey and settling in to watch an episode of Jeopardy on TIVO.

It took two episodes, three drinks and one hour before Sara drifted off to sleep on the couch. The room had grown colder and she had pulled on one of Ben’s sweatshirts then ended up under two blankets. She stayed that way until her alarm went off 8 hours later.

~.~.~.~

The first thing Sara registered was how much her head hurt. ‘Damn whiskey. Damn me. Stupid stupid stupid.’

The first thing Ben registered was the cold, empty half of the bed next to him. The second thing was that he actually, for real this time, felt a little better. Not all the way better, but an improvement. In the next second he heard Sara’s phone alarm go off again. He followed the sound and found her curled under a small pile of blankets on the couch.

“Hey” he said.

Sara looked up, her eyes slightly bleary. “Hey yourself.”

It took a moment for her to register that he was up and out of bed but then she snapped awake fully. Shrugging off the blankets she stood up, shivering in the cold air despite the sweatshirt she was wearing, and walked over the Ben. Without hesitating she smoothed the hair away from his forehead before laying her hand across it.

“I think you’re cooler,” she said, smiling. Ben matched her smile. “I think I am too. I’ll get the thermometer.”

As he went to grab the thermometer from the bathroom Sara smiled at how the situation had changed in just a few days. She didn’t have time to ponder too much before Ben returned, thermometer already tucked under his tongue.

“100.4” Sara read out after the beep. “You’re still running a fever but it’s definitely come down.”

Ben started to answer then paused, his breath hitching.

“Eesh-Chiew..heh..eh..Hgh'Etschu.”

He sniffed and hesitated before stating, almost gingerly, “I actually do feel a little better.” He paused to study Sara’s expression before continuing. “I still feel sick, but I feel like I’m on the mend.”

He looked to cute, so proud to deliver this news but simultaneously scared she’d think he was faking (again) that Sara couldn’t stop herself. She laughed out loud.

“You look like you’re about to get yelled at,” she finally choked out.

Ben looked somewhat defensive. “Well, you have gotten upset with me before when I’ve said I’m feeling better,” he answered.

“Yeah, but those times you looked like you were a stiff breeze away from falling over. You look better today. Not quite so...” she paused before locking eyes with him, “ghastly.”

Then Sara smiled and the way it lit up her face made Ben feel warm in a whole new, healthy way.

“Ghastly? Really?”

“Yes. Really. But I need to get ready for class and you,” she paused to look directly at Ben, “Need to NOT get ready for class, even though you are feeling marginally better.”

‘She looks like she’s expecting an argument,’ Ben thought to himself.

“OK.”

Sara was briefly taken aback. She didn’t want to push her good luck but at the same time she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that Ben was trying to pull a fast one on her.

“OK? Really?”

“Yeah. I feel a little better but still pretty sick. But if this is how good I feel 12 hours after my first dose of medicine I can’t wait to see how good I feel tonight. Or tomorrow. And then,” he paused and looked at her, his face curling into a smirk, “I can get back to my plan to sweep you off your feet.”

Sara could feel the blush rising up her neck and painting her cheeks crimson. She turned away but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face.

“OK. You get on that. I need to get ready for class.”

As Sara went to the bathroom to pull on jeans and a sweatshirt for class she could hear Ben tottering around the kitchen, could hear a pan hitting the stove and the shrill whistle of hot water in the tea pot. By the time she had washed her face, brushed her hair and pulled on her clothes Ben had finished scrambling eggs and was pouring two mugs of English Breakfast Tea.

Before leaving the bathroom she grabbed two ibuprofens and swallowed them with a handful of water from the tap. Her head was pounding. She really needed a better way to cope with her midnight angst sessions than a shot of whiskey and late night TV.

Ben had finished breakfast by the time Sara returned. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail and her face was scrubbed clean but Ben frowned at the dark smudges under her eyes. Had he put them there? Probably. She’d been taking care of him for the last three days and he’d found her passed out on the couch this morning. Maybe she should get a real night’s sleep in her own bed tonight, he pondered. The flash of loneliness that hit him at the idea of Sara spending the night in her dorm room didn’t totally surprise him but it did scare him a little. Being sick had given him the luxury of ignoring the ramifications of their deepening relationship. Being on the mend meant he had to deal with it. What was happening here exactly?

Ben was pretty sure he was falling for Sara. Falling hard and clumsily for this girl who loved Jeopardy and watched action movies. Not because she had taken care of him, although that had been wonderful, but for the girl he saw in between those moments. He could still feel her curled up against him, could feel her fingers tracing circles in his hair.

Sara’s stomach did a flip at the plate of scrambled eggs. Definitely not hungry. But she didn’t want to disappoint Ben so she took a small helping and mostly pushed them around her plate. The tea tasted good and the pounding in her head was easing.

“I have class from 9:30 to 10:45, then Chem lab from 1-3,” she said. “If you want, I can stop back here after Chem lab.”

Her tone lifted as she said “chem lab” making it a request. ‘Want? Of course I want her to stop back here,’ Ben thought.

“That would be cool. Maybe we could order Pizza or something. Maybe I’ll be able to smell by then,” Ben answered, smiling.

“Maybe by then you won’t smell,” Sara answered, her eyes widening to clarify she was teasing.

Ben laughed. “A shower it is.”

[elements]

I absolutely LOVED this story from the very first post. I really want to thank you for taking the time to stick with it. That is so admirable I reallllly appreciate it because I LOVE these two~~~~~!!!!

[SomethingClever]

love.

favorite

[Anilkex]

Oh wow...an update!!!!! I love this story! I hope you have the time to continue it!

[jezebel215]

Part 37

She could still hear the smile in his voice as she headed off to class. The air was cold in that way it gets right before it snows, a damp cold that sneaks through whatever you’re wearing and leaves you chilled before you realize it’s happening. Sara’s nose had started to run as soon as she stepped outside.

“Damn winter in New England,” she thought to herself, sniffing hastily as she walked up the street toward her classes.

~.~.~.~

Normally Sara enjoyed Modern Poets and Poetry (despite an aversion to the pretentious teacher). Today, however, she felt too foggy to really hear the words, to tired to let them spin new meaning inside her head until she heard:

In a field

I am the absence

of field.

This is

always the case.

Wherever I am

I am what is missing.

Sara could feel tears swelling up, threatening to overflow her lower lids. It was just too perfect, too beautiful and too true - ‘wherever I am, I am what is missing.’ She was always one step out of synch, always too loud or too quiet or somehow not what was called for.

Sara sniffed and tried to stuff all the mopey feelings down where they wouldn’t come out again. Fat chance there.

The class had moved on and yet Sara was tuned out.

Wherever I am

I am what is missing.

What did that mean? I am what is missing. I am what is not there. I am absence in my presence. I am ---

The rest of class went quickly. Sara jotted down the assigned reading for the next class, pleased in a melancholy way that she had found a new poem that seemed to elucidate her greatest fears. That is, that she was simply the absense of what should be there, at any given time, in any given place.

Wherever I am

I am what is missing.

~.~.~.~

Sara skipped lunch and opted to grab a coffee and yoghurt from the college food store on the corner. Her stomach still felt unsettled but she sipped the hot coffee slowly and poked at the yoghurt. Her head still felt achy and she must have slept on the couch funny because her back and neck had started to hurt too.

Sara was pleased to see a few class mates she was friendly with who would let her join their group in her makeup lab. She had a few prepared answers as to why she had to make up the lab but the first that crossed her lips “I was taking care of my friend who didn’t feel well,” was enough of an explanation for everyone.

“Extraction: Separation of an Acidic, a Basic and a Neutral Substance”

Lab looked like it might be a doozy. It took up 12 pages in the lab manual (not to mention and additional 9 pages in the materials and methods section). ‘It would really have been good if I had read this before stumbling in to lab’ Sara thought wanly, then half smiled when she thought back on why she hadn’t prepared at all.

The afternoon moved agonizingly slowly. In between inverting and venting the vapors of the solution Sara found herself getting kind of hazy, a warm, dizzy feeling she blamed on the emerging fumes.

Two hours later, as they approached the final separation and distillation her lab mates had taken stock of the situation.

“Sara, how about you record what we’re doing?”

Sara nodded somewhat blankly. Her head felt fuzzy, her throat hurt and her nose and started to run again which didn’t make any sense since she was still inside. She dutifully jotted down the notes, recording what solutions reacted with others. At the end of the lab they were left with three products (acid, base, neutral) that would dry over the following week and allow further experiments at the next class period.

It had only been 3 hours but Sara was exhausted. Usually chem lab didn’t make her feel so drained but today she just want to go take a nap.

“Hey, Sara-” one of her groupmates called out. “Go lie down, you look like you’re about to fall over. If you promise to sleep it would be great to have you in our group next week.”

Sara blushed as she smiled. It felt nice to be wanted back in a group, even if she hadn’t done her best work today.

“Will do. I think the chemicals really got to me today.”

Sara didn’t understand why her labmate looked so skeptical at her obviously correct explanation.

“Just go take a nap. You’re right, there were a lot of fumes today.”

~.~.~.~

She couldn’t have given’t a good reason why she was walking down the road toward Ben’s appartment and not toward her own dormroom. It would have been better for her to go home, take a shower, get gussied up and show up on his doorstep looking as nice as she could. Still she found herself following the uneven sidewalk with an air of desperation. If she just kept going she would make it there.

~.~.~.~

Ben hadn’t done much with his day. He had slept a lot, taken his medications at the prescripted intervals (Sara had left him a sheet with the name of each drug and the time he should take it). He had taken a shower, put on fresh lounge wear and was even tidying up a bit. He wasn’t sure when Sara would be coming by, or if she would be coming by but he wanted the apartment to look as nice as he could make it (not like she hadn’t already seen it but still...).

The knock at his door surprised him. The sight of the girl standing there surprised him even more. Sara’s light hair and dark eyes seemed to accentuate the pallor of her face while the unnatural glow on her cheeks highlighted the dark smudges under her eyes.

“Hey,” she said, smiling.

“Hey yourself. How are you feeling?”

Sara looked confused as to why he would be asking her that question.

“Fine. A little tired. The real question is how are you feeling?”

Ben smiled. “Better. Definitely better. Do you want to come in and hang out? I can order pizza as soon as you tell me what kind you want.”

Sara was already slipping out of her winter shoes. She started to take her coat off then shivered and decided to leave it on until Ben’s apartment heated up.

“Just cheese for me. Extra cheese if they have it,” she told him, climbing onto the couch. She pulled the comforter over herself and lay down.

“Why is your apartment so cold?” Sara asked.

Ben started to answer that the temperature was the same it had always been but by the time he had turned around Sara was asleep, still in her winter jacket, the comforter tucked tightly around her.

Ben sighed and walked over. He rested his hand gently on her forehead and sighed again. He wasn’t an expert at this but he was pretty sure Sara was running a fever. Not that she was likely to believe his assessment...

Sources:

Keeping Things Whole by Mark Strand (one of my personal favorite poems)

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/keeping-things-whole-3/

[SomethingClever]

this.

is my favorite.

[Me4ever]

Oh my gosh an update! I love you. I love this. Thank you please continue when you can.

[Little_sniffle]

gahhhhhhhh this is perfection! please update, I'm dying for more!!

[Glory]

I've been in love with this story since it was first posted and I'm so happy that you keep coming back to it, jezebel. I can't wait to see how the rest of this plays out.

[jezebel215]

Part 38

It was warm where she was and she just wanted to stay there. Sara burrowed more deeply into the blankets, unwilling to engage whatever stimuli was poking her.

“Sara?”

“Uhmmm...hmmm?” Sara mumbled, still mostly asleep.

“Dinner’s here.”

That sent her for a loop. Dinner? When did she order dinner? And why was someone talking to her?

Disoriented and thoroughly unnerved Sara sat up sharply, shrugging off the covers as she did so. She blinked a few times and as Ben’s apartment cleared in her vision she felt the vague inklings of panic fading away.

“I ordered a large, extra cheese,” Ben added, sounding unaccountably pleased with himself.

“Oooh! That’s my favorite,” Sara responded without thinking. “How did you know?”

Ben looked confused and a little worried.

“Because you told me?” He said in the rising tone that makes a statement a question and kind of implies that you are a little bit of an idiot for asking.

Sara blushed, pieces of their conversation coming back to her.

“Oh yeah, I forgot.”

Sara could smell the warm cheese. Ben cut them each a slice and brought it over. Sara slid upright and Ben sat down on the cushion next to her, handing her the pizza. It was the perfect temperature, cheese hot and melted but not scalding. She leaned in to take a deep whiff of it and was surprised at the tickle that flared up in her nasal passages along side the aroma of cheese, tomato sauce and dough.

“Hapt'choo...heh... Hih'Heshoo.” Sara sniffed and looked around for a napkin. Her nose still felt itchy and at the same time she realized she couldn’t smell anything anymore. Her hand closed over the handful of tissues Ben pushed into her hand.

“Thankgs,” she replied. Unwilling to go so far as to blow her now in front of him she dabbed at her nostrils, succeeding in nothing but making her nose itch more.

“Ha...eh.. HH'Haschoo.” she sneezed again, this time into the pile of tissues.

“Bless you,” Ben offered. When she met his eyes he looked worried and a bit embarrassed.

“Thankgs, don’t know what it is about the pizza tonight,” Sara replied. “It’s not usually an issue.”

Ben looked at her strangely.

“Umm, do you really think it’s the pizza?” he asked.

Sara met his gaze, not quite sure what the point was.

“What else would it be?” she answered finally.

Ben stared at her, looking at times confused, worried and frustrated. Finally he laughed and said,

“Ok. You’re exhausted. You’re still wearing a coat and a blanket despite the fact that it’s 78 degrees in here and you’re sneezing every 5 minutes. If I was going to take a wild guess I would say...” he paused here to meet her gaze, “I’d say you’re sick.”

“Of course I’m not sick. I’m tired and maybe my allergies are acting up. It hasn’t been a picnic taking care of you when you were half delirious,” she shot back, suddenly angry.

Ben was taken aback. He stared at her, half incredulous, half sympathetic.

Sara held his gaze. Well, rather, she held it until her nose made it impossible.

“AHP-Gnkxt..ah..heh...AHP-Gnkxt.”

Sara didn’t know why she felt compelled to stifle her sneezes. It felt like everything was betraying her at once. She was supposed to be taking care of Ben... even though if she really thought about it her whole body was aching and she would give anything for a backrub.

“But you’re sick,” she mumbled, as if that was supposed to change anything.

“True,” Ben answered, “but I’m feeling much better. It’s a good think you made me go to the Health Center.”

Sara tried to smile but instead she felt her eyes growing hot with tears.

“But I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” she mumbled again, her voice catching on the last word.

Ben would have felt annoyed at being the presumed invalid if it weren’t for the fact that he was so clearly in better physical condition that Sara. He looked at her until she met his gaze.

“How about we take care of each other?”

[Little_sniffle]

UPDATE!!!!!! Omg I love this so much. So happy you continued!!

[sneezeobsessed]

“How about we take care of each other?”

Ben is amazing!!!

[ebay34]

This took me forever to read but I enjoyed all of it ur such a good writer

[elements]

they're baaaack!! thank you!

[SomethingClever]

I think I was... a sophomore in college? maybe even a freshman when this story started... That's a little crazy. Makes me happy that it's still progressing.

[jezebel215]

sometimes it appalls me how long i've been inching along.... but then, i keep coming back to them :-)

[jezebel215]

Part 39

Sara wasn’t sure what to do with the conflicting feelings inside her. She wanted (desperately wanted, if she was honest with herself) to take care of Ben. And yet his concern, his seemingly genuine interest in her health (which was probably not stellar, she admitted to herself) made her feel soft and sort of melt-y inside. She wanted to lie back and let her take care of him almost as much as she wanted to take charge, shush him back into bed and get him his medicine. Her reverie was interrupted by a shiver that started at the base of her skull and seemed to reach her ankles before she stopped shaking.

She was tucked back in under the blankets before she realized what was happening.

“Hey-” she started but stopped as Ben’s eyes glazed over and he stifled a sneeze into his shoulder.

“AHP-Gnkxt”

“Stop-”

“Heht-Gxt”

“You shouldn’t-”

“eish'Gkxt”

“stifle your sneezes.”

Ben looked up at her, bleary eyed, before burying his head in his elbow.

“Ea-Gnkxt.”

“It puts a lot of pressure on your eardrums.”

He looked back at her, still confused.

“If you have to sneeze, just sneeze, damnit.”

“hck'Gishoo...eh... WRUH'Fisschue.” Ben looked up out of his elbow and shook his head as if to clear it.

“Feel better?” Sara asked, immediately more at ease in her role of caretaker.

“Much,” Ben answered, his mouth creasing into a smile as he met her eyes.

Sara’s face broke into a smile, seemingly without her permision.

“Well, good.” She tried to sound bored with him but couldn’t quite get any disdain in her statement. Her throat hurt and she could feel her sinuses filling up. Not even realizing it she found herself waving her hand franticly around her face, trying to forestall the inevitable.

“Eesh-Chiew..heh.. Hih'Heshoo.”

Sara looked up to meet Ben’s gaze. Her head felt heavy and hot to her. Honestly, she was starting to feel pretty rotten.

“Can you toss me some tissues,” she asked, feeling pathetic.

Ben grabbed the box and walked it over, placing it gently in her hands. Sara slid over and Ben sank down next to her on the couch.

She pulled out a few and blew her nose gently, feeling the burning tickle slip flare back up. Her breath hitched but she found herself coughing instead. It hurt her throat and she thought, strangely distant from her own symptoms, that she sounded miserable.

She hadn’t noticed when Ben had started rubbing her back but she noticed it now. Suddenly the gentle sweeps of his hand felt like a torch. She leaned back into him and he switched to a tentative massage. Sara sighed in pleasure, melting without meaning to, enjoying the moment even as she felt her nose start to burn again. She reached for a tissues, trying not to to break the spell.

“ih..heh..eeh-Esschu”

“Bless you.”

“Thank-you”

Ben’s hands kneaded her neck gently, guiding Sara to lay back down on the couch. He laid her head in his lap and traced her hairline, tenderly massaging her scalp and temples. He didn’t stop until her breathing had evened out, raspy as it was. When he was sure she was asleep he checked her temperature against the back of his hand, frowning at the dry heat.

Edited February 2, 2014 by jezebel215

[Melody]

omg wtf like i remember reading this story and being really upset it wasn't continuing! and here it is almost lie 5 years later wow this just made me insanely happy lol

[Hibiscus]

Are you still going to continue? This is one of the best stories ever. All of the best things mixed in one delicious story...sigh

[sneezygirl97]

OMG love this so glad Sara got sick!!! Hope you continue!

[Melody]

YES PLEASE CONTINUE THERE IS UNFINISHED BUSINESS!!

[Lucyana]

Hi, I'm knew to this site, and this is my favourite fic of all the ones I've read recently (admittedly too few, but I'm getting there!). Please please please continue it, it's amazing!

[Little_sniffle]

i just read this whole thing again and it's still my favorite fic ever.

[CharliesGirl]

It took a moment for him to get downstairs and in that time Sara had already imagined a thousand possibilities--he wasnt actually sick and she would look like a fool with all her dayquil;

This is so me!