Blessed

[Mercury]

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, nor do I have any money so suing would be pointless. Good Omens belongs to the great Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

Authors Notes: Good Omens isn't as popular as it should be, so you don't need to know it to read this. I like to spread the Good Omens love wherever I go.

This is my first ever sneezefic, I wrote it to celebration getting half way through my exams, so I hope you enjoy.

Blessed

It was a sunny day in London. It lifted the spirits of all who dwelt within the city, but Crowley didn't mind. As a demon, he supposed the serenity that has settled should unsettle him, but he was also a former serpent, and craved the heat of the sun. He basked in it from the driver's seat of his beloved car. He couldn't remember a day this nice since Eden. 'Thank you, global warming', the demon mused as his 1926 black Bentley slithered through the traffic. The hot, dry wind from the open window tussled his black hair, and he allowed it with the worrying thought that maybe this human happiness was contagious.

The bright sun reflected off the many cars Crowley passed, and his designer sunglasses did little to block the glare, as he wore them all year round and his eyes had adjusted, compensating for the dark tint of the lenses.

There wasn't any parking on the street, but The Bentley pulled up against the curb anyway. A passing police officer suddenly found himself fascinated by the window display of women's clothing. With his eyes glued to the frilled satin skirt on the mannequin, he was looking in the opposite direction to the Bentley and missed the 'No Parking' sign.

Once he'd stepped from the car, Crowley felt many pairs of eyes come to rest on his form. As always, he could have instructed their minds to ignore him, but he knew that his olive skin, sharp cheekbones and designer suit inspired a significant amount of lust and envy.

On the corner of two streets there was a small bookshop. The paint of the sign 'books for sell and bye' was peeling and painted in barely legible lettering, the bricks were mouldy, and would be slimy at the touch, as would the dulled windows. It was designed to be the least appealing store for blocks, carefully created by the owner, Aziraphale, to be repulsive to all five of the human senses.

The first thing that struck Crowley as he entered the store was its lack of smell. In order to protect his precious books from potential customers, Aziraphale usually kept the air in his shop heavy, damp, and smelling horrible, but at the moment it was dry, and seemed to irritate of Crowley. He cleared his throat.

"Oi, 'Zira." He called out.

Searching for his angelic counterpart, Crowley looked around the bookshelves. The more unusual books were kept towards the back, a place where Aziraphale spent a large amount of time. It was filled with ancient bibles, something that the angel felt very drawn too. Crowley didn't like them as they gave him a self-conscious ache in the pit of his stomach, and the inevitable itch that all demons got in the presence of holy objects.

He shuddered, his skin crawling. As he got further towards the darkest corner of the shop, he felt the dust around the bibles stir as he passed. His defined nose twitched and his nostrils flared. Breathing, over the years, had become a nasty habit that Crowley couldn't seem to break.

He inhaled sharply. "Heh-Heshoo!"

Stumbling backwards two steps, Crowley blinked. The force of the sneeze had slid his sunglasses down his nose, and yellow eyes blinked away moisture. One hand pulled the glasses from his face while the other touched the tip of his still tickling nose. He had never sneezed before.

His body was basically human, for the most part, but he had never experienced a sneeze. It was quite exhilarating actually; his heart rate had momentarily increased, and he'd had to stop and catch his breath. All in all, the demon concluded, not a horrible experi- "Hatchoo!"... ence.

Crowley sniffled, his nose itching, and his chest contracting as his breath hitched. He felt stunned, incapable of moving as his eyes fluttered closed and his eyebrows drew together in concentration.

"Ahtchhhoo, Issshhoo," His forked tongue pressed against his teeth and his hissed in annoyance. There were more in his nose, he was sure of it. His hand, which had subconsciously been placed on his chest, reached out so that he could loosely support himself on the nearest bookshelf. The biblically tainted dust was still floating in the air, visible in the streaming light from the window.

"Heh- he- HehatChoo, HehShoo, Aishoo, Ha-Hah-HAh'CHOO!" Crowley had bent at the waist and tipped forward. His knees hit the ground and he blessed under his breath, more for the ruined state of his black pants than the dust being kicked up. Balling up his fist he rubbed at his eyes. "Hatchoo." He added, quietly. Opening his amber eyes, Crowley saw the dusty ground splattered with moisture from the faint spray he had produced.

Vaguely, he recalled that it was customary to cover ones mouth with one's hand when sneezing. 'What a stupid concept,' he thought. He saw no point in dirtying his hand or a perfectly good sleeve, and he couldn't care less about the spread of germ.

Crowley felt his form shiver as it breathed, his breathing to waver. "Heh-Hah- Etchhhoo! God bless it!" he snapped. This was ridiculous. How on earth could these humans do this? It was of no wonder that Below had given him a recommendation for those useless, drugstore allergy meds. If this is what allergies were like, it was no wonder people were desperate to rid themselves of it.

Once again he pressed his tongue against the top of his teeth and clenched his jaw. He tried to prevent the inhale, but failed miserably. "Eh'ngk" He closed his nose with his thumb and forefinger, not caring that the dust couldn’t come out, just that no more would go in. "Etch'nk. Ach'it..." Crowley continued to stifle; his nostrils pinched shut and sitting back on his feet, no longer being pitched forward but tensing and jerking with each small spasm.

He didn't feel the hand on the tight muscles of his neck, nor the hand the gripping his shoulder and slowly raised him off the floor.

"Ch'ettk. Etch'nk."

"Crowley," stated the calm, accented voice behind him, "Crowley, my dear, come away from here; away from the very rare, very expensive first editions."

If he was in his normal state of mind, Crowley would have rolled his eyes. Instead he looked up at Aziraphale, his watery vision blurring the other being's golden curls, making it appear as if a halo sat around the angel's head. A smile played around his bright blue eyes, betraying the sympathetic look on the round face.

His manicured hands wrapped around the demon's wrist and pulled the hand from his now pink nose. "You really shouldn't do that." Aziraphale chastised, "It's not at all healthy." He had to beat the hand away twice more as it kept rising to stop the sneezes. Reaching into his pocket, he fetched a handkerchief from the inside pocket of his jacket. It was tartan, like all of the angel's out-of-date clothing. He, at least, thought it was stylish.

"H'ATCHHEW"

With one arm around the shoulders of his demonic counterpart, Aziraphale continued towards the back room. He brought the handkerchief up to Crowley's nose and held it there, despite the grunt of protest it produced. He could feel the warmth and dampness of Crowley's sneezes, and he pursed his rose lips, trying to resist the instinctive urge to bless his companion; something he knew would not go down well with the demon.

Aziraphale decided that the best way to insure that he did not accidentally insult Crowley's infernal sensibilities was to ignore the repeated explosions beside him.

"I am terribly sorry. I felt that the musty atmosphere was more suited for winter, and I spent the last few days painting a few more layers of dust over the hardcovers, the paperbacks I don't care about so much. With all the allergies already playing up in this magnificent weather it was the best way to discourage shoppers. Well, that and the vase of flowers on the front desk."

"HeASHOO *snifff*. Whad, flowers?"

"The ones I was just out buying, and really, Crowley dear, I'm holding a handkerchief to your nose, there's no reason to sniff. They're simply lovely," the angel continued, glad to see that the conversation was keeping the ex-serpent from becoming too embarrassed. "Five sprigs, as yellow as little balls of sunshine. Quite exotic and quite the powerful allergen."

Now in the back room, Aziraphale released Crowley and stood directly before him. The sneezing had died down, in both frequency and strength.

"Blow."

Crowley narrowed his eyes, his serpentine slit pupils making the look far more menacing than anything a human could achieve. Aziraphale, having spent the last six thousand years with the demon, remained immune.

"I can do it byself."

Aziraphale's lips quirked, "Humour me."

There was a rush of air, and he felt some of the moisture come through the material. He took the handkerchief and folded it, before placing it back against the others nose for another reluctant blow. He placed it back into his pocket, comfortable enough with the demon not to care about the mess.

Crowley collapsed backwards into one of the chairs, rubbing his nose which was now red and sore. Aziraphale sat in the chair opposite, leaning forward and clasping his hands together expectantly, watching the demon throw a leg over the arm of the chair and try to look nonchalant, as if what had just happened had never occurred.

"Well, dear?" the blonde asked of the darker man. At the irritated look he got in return he knew he had to elaborate. "What was it like?"

Shaking his head and removing the glasses from his pocket, Crowley sighed and placed them back on his nose, pushing them up to cover his red-rimmed eyes. "It was very..." He paused, thinking deeply. "Human"

Noticing the crease between the demon's eyebrows, Aziraphale clucked his tongue sympathetically. The unfamiliar sensation of sneezing must have taken a lot out of him. "Maybe you, cut this visit short and go home. This 'humanizing' you've gone through must have caused quite the headache."

Nodding silently, Crowley rose. Aziraphale watched from his seat, worried at the dishevelled and slightly shell-shocked state the fit had left his acquaintance in. As he reached the doorway to re-enter the main shop he froze and placed both hands on either side of the doorway.

"Heshoo!" Crowley concluded.

Unable to control himself much longer, Aziraphale smiled in an angelically innocent way.

"God bless."

[Guest Hana-chan]

Awwww, this was so cute!

I think you should celebrate more often

I've honestly never heard of Great Omens, but it sounds like it's worth checking out.

:3

[Orionbob]

Uh, the two grammar things I noticed:

near the end, where Aziraphale says "Maybe you, go home", do you mean maybe you should?

And in 'something that the angel felt very drawn too.', should be 'drawn to'.

This was lovely, thank you for writing it. Aziraphale painting his books with dust, and making the conversation to help Crowley not be as embarrassed... *hugs him*

I love that book so much. I agree with Hana-chan; maybe you should celebrate more often.

Thank you for writing this and sharing it.

[Mercury]

Thanks Orion, I'll go back and fix them. More celebrating will come once exams are finished

... or I won't fix them as I don't know how to edit posts

Mod Note: Merged posts ~Mute

Edited October 15, 2009 by The Mute Poet

[The Sneezster]

Hey! A fandom that I'm familiar with -- what a novelty for me.

This is a cute story. Thanks for sharing it with us, and good luck on the exams.

[Lynne]

You can't edit posts while you're validating.

[Orionbob]

I was re-reading this, and just wanted to note something:

Crowley didn't like them [the bibles] as they gave him a self-conscious ache in the pit of his stomach

What a painful, wonderful little detail. I can't believe I missed that before! I really do enjoy reading your Crowley and Aziraphale.

[Mercury]

Thanks. I'm glad you liked this enough to give it a re-read.

It's hard not to love Crowley and Aziraphale. I just adore them

[Parksborn]

Oh, yay! A G.O. sneezefic! This is so yummy and well written. You're the only other person who I've seen that's done one. I guess we're alone on writing them, huh? Anyhoo, it's awesome! Thanks for sharing!

~Bittersweet

[Akahana]

THEY'RE SO ADORABLE I WANT TO TAKE THEM HOME!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333 Ohmaigod this is amazing~~ I've always loved the idea of demons and angels and stuff like that, but this was just NOM!!! <3

[Akahana]

God bless it!" he snapped.

Lolz I see what you did there!! Demons bless instead of curse *derp*

[pinknose]

wow this is... wow...

:3

[ellwren]

Lovely! You got them just right.

[Emily]

I think I'll have to look into this particular fandom. It's really well-written and I already love Crowley and Aziraphale :> Perhaps you should have more celebrations.

[pinknose]

Am now 89 pages into Good Omens. How did I not know about this book before? Thanks for helping me find an a-m-a-z-i-n-g story.

[Orionbob]

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about this story today, and am really glad I decided to go looking for it to read it again. Definitely one of my favorites. I can feel the concept of the whole 'taint from holy objects makes demons sneeze" thing making its way into my Good Omens headcanon. Mua ha ha. Thank you!

Edited November 25, 2012 by Orionbob