When It Rains It Meows - (5 Parts)

[chui]

ok... so if anyone remembers this story Raining Cats and Kittens ...i started writing a sequel. Its taking me forever, with school and new work deadlines, (not to mention all the fun of modding about ) but hopefully i'll be able to update it on a not-to-irregular basis.

Characters: Cloud Strife and Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII (which while they live in my head, do not belong to me) taken totally out of context and slapped into my own little wrongy universe. Greta is mine. Reno is mine, even if i did borrow the name.

Spoilers: none...same as before.... and about that toad.....

Author's Note: If you haven't read the first story, some things might not make sense...so i'd recommend reading it to find out exactly whats going on *insert shameless self-plug here*

well....without further ado:

When It Rains It Meows

Part 1

At precisely 8 pm, the doorbell rang.

Just inside, a pretty brunette took a last glance in the hallway mirror. She smoothed her hair, checked her nostrils for any wayward bats in the belfrey and did a last second rehearsal of what was supposed to be her most engaging smile. A swipe of the finger reigned her lipstick in. Convinced she was cosmetically competent and mammal free, she reached for the door.

The doorbell rang again.

Just outside, a pretty blonde.....er.....a man with features almost beautiful....eh... an incredibly masculine, yet oddly feminine....uhm....a guy with the face of a Boticcelli angel...(author's note....i give up....this guy's hot, ok. just go with it.) went through his own set of nervous rituals. He straightened his leather jacket, cut to reveal his trim figure, ran a hand through his spiky hair and finally exhaled quickly a few times into his palm before taking a whiff. Pleased with the results of his long-lasting mouthwash, he waited.

She gave a tiny shiver of anticipation just before turning the knob. This guy was just gorgeous and he was here...to have dinner....with her!!! He shuffled his feet, revealing a hint of nervousness and plucked at the ribbon surrounding the flowers he clutched tightly.

The door opened.

"Cloud!" The pretty brunette's eyes shone as she greeted her date.

"H-hi. Um...these are for you." She smiled sweetly as she took the flowers, and exclaimed "Lilys! Oh, Cloud! You shouldn't have." For anyone else, this would have been the expected gracious pleasantries, but as she dutifully pressed her nose to the deliacte petals, she felt dread build with a fearsome tingle. Really, he just shouldn't have.

"Hih'tchu!"

The girlish sound bent her forward ever so slightly and she looked up sheepishly, a light dusting of golden pollen clinging to her delicately turned up nose.

"Bless you!"

"Thank you." She murmered with downcast eyes, a blush crept across her cheeks as she sniffed. The sniffle however, did nothing to ease the allergy building within her. "Hih..hi..Ischu! N'chu!" Greta pulled back further from the flowers, her eyes beginning to water slightly. "I'm sorry. They're beautful. It's just, I have a small allergy."

Cloud was mortified. "I'm so sorry..." he began, but was quickly interrupted by another gentle outburst. "Ip'shuu! Hih'itchu!" He felt awful that she was suffering at the hands of his gift, and inwardly kicked himself. Repeatedly. She pressed the back of her fingers to her nostrils, and attempted to grin at him. "Would you like to come in? I'll just put these in some water." He nodded, suprised she would even think of keeping them, but couldnt help but notice how she held them a bit aways from herself on the way to a small, but clean kitchen.

Score: Lily: 1 Greta: 0

******************************

Edited May 2, 2009 by chui

[love_my_wifes_sneezes]

Chui,

I can't wait to see where this one might go. I went back to read the older story that you linked to, and you are quite a writer if I may say so. Although I did note one small flaw in the earlier stories, you fed the cat thankfully, but where did the poor thing go to the bathroom for two days?

But otherwise, the attention to detail in your writing is terrific IMHO. Filling in the details is always important to making the story read well and to make it interesting. When does your first published novel come out? I want to buy it, even if it has no sneezing in it.

[count tiszula]

Yumminess! A light dusting, eh? Her delicately turned up nose..... Clinging? Polllen? Other words?

More, please...

[chui]

LMWS: im like seriously tearing up...that has to be one of the nicest comments ever... i'm really glad that you liked it. omg... i seriously think thats one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said.

and well... uhm... at the end of part 4, Reno... ventured "back into Zack's bedroom to deposit a little present on his clothes...." soo...he did go to the bathroom, just not in a litter box... i doubt i could count on Zack to remember that...

and Count... fear not! there will be something special in the works... might even involve a hankie...

[love_my_wifes_sneezes]

Wow, I missed that subtle detail. Very good, you didn't miss it then after all.

Must have been the bottle of wine that the wife and I split over dinner, followed by the two Frangelica's after dinner. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

[chui]

i dont know if i'd recommend reading my stuff after drinking... surely there's a law against it!

[tFM!]

I love it!!! More please

[chui]

why thank you...and i'll post more as soon as possible... *dratted exam week for my students*

[chui]

well then, I do hope ya'll'll forgive me for taking so long... (wow...count on a redneck to put ya'll into its own contraction) but i've been hard at notworking. oh well... hope you enjoy!

Part 2: Reno to the Rescue

She set them down for just a moment, and began to search in a cabinet for a vase, while he did what any growing guy would do... raided the pots on the stove. Or at least he thought about it, until he was distracted by her reaching for the glass just beyond her fingertips. She must have bumped it, as it began to teeter, and almost in slow motion flipped out of the cabinet, on a certain collison course with the floor. Greta turned and threw an arm out, trying desperately to catch it, even lunging a bit. Big mistake in those heels. She lost her balance, just as her fingers closed on the heirloom vase, handed down from mother to daughter in her family ever since the great Wal-Mart clearance of 1973. Cloud, being the gallant gentleman he was, swept her off her feet, deftly saving both her and the vase.

"Oh my..." The encounter leaving her slightly breathless, and equally unsure of whether she was dreaming or awake, she blushed and twittered a bit. With a smile, Cloud set her carefully on her feet, but didn't remove his arms from around her.

She only thought she was breathless before.

He took the vase from her hand, setting it on the counter, before tilting her face up towards his. She felt herself lean into him, and mentally called her traitorous body a shameless hussy, before thanking it. A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and she felt his arm shift once again. Just as she closed her eyes, waiting expectantly for the feel of those lips on hers... gah...this was a dream come true.... she felt a soft cloth press against her nose, which scrunched up rather cutely in confusion. Her eyes popped open to meet the most glorious baby blues shimmering with amusement. Cloud held the hankie up so she could see the pollen now removed from her nose. "You were covered with sex dust, " he replied in his soft, but deep voice.

A involuntary, and highly unladylike snort launched the most successful prison break in history, stealing out from her before she even realized it was there. She clapped a hand to her mouth, and looked for some rescue from what was turning out to be more embarassing than romantic, when her knight in shining....fur....came gamboling in.

He took one look at the scene and launched himself at her attacker...or in this case, her unsupecting date.

"REOWR!!!!"

A tiny, very fluffy orange ball came barreling at Cloud, making him step back. With almost unnatural skill, the furry assailant climbed up his leg and was proceeding to ravage his jacket when Greta managed to pull him away.

"MEEEEE-OWRRRRRRR!!!!"

A bewildered Cloud stood, one eyebrow raised, waiting for some sort of explaination, from Greta, who by this time was almost as red as the tomato sauce simmering on the stove.

"I'm so sorry! He's never done this before. He's usually very sweet," she offered, before turning to the lump now vaguely resembling a kitten. "Reno! How could you!! Bad kitty!! Now, you say you're sorry!!"

The confused look melted from Cloud's face, replaced with one of horror, as Greta held the kitten out to him.

"No...It's not that big of a deal. Really...It's rather cute how he tried to protect you. No harm done!" He held an arm out, as if to ward off the furry demon, who looked about as dangerous as a twinkie in his mistress' arms.

"Oh no. I insist. He has to learn to be nice."

And with that, she plopped the kitten into Cloud's hand, forcing him to catch it with the other to keep it from falling. He held it at arm's length, a rather distrustful expression on his face. The kitten mewed plaintively, obviously not liking being held out so far, and Greta exclaimed "See...he says he's sorry. Now give the nice man a kiss Reno."

Right then, despite Zack's efforts from the past months at getting them together, and the delicious smells wafting from the stove, Cloud was seriously contemplating dropping the furball and hauling tail to his bike to get the heck out of there. Unfortunately, Greta cut short his contemplations, as she scooped Reno out of his hands and pressed the kitten to his face.

He might could have withstood the allergic tingles from arm's length, but nothing could save him now. Pressed nose to tiny, wet nose, he felt the burn begin. Looking into the tiny little eyes, he thought weakly... I'm sorry....

"N'gtch!"

The kitten meowed, in obvious distaste of the forceful explusion being directed at his own face, and Greta gasped. Cloud pressed his hand to his nose, hoping to prevent any further kitten cooties from wreaking havoc on his sinuses, but having recently held said cootie-bearer, it only made things worse.

"N'mpch!" he quickly pressed his face into the sleeve of his jacket. His trustly, loyal jacket, which of course had been attacked by the kitten just moments before. "Eh...ih...Ngtx!" His eyes began to water, and he looked up, seeking some reprieve.

To which the kitten curled up in Greta's arms, stretched its paws and began to purr.

Score: Kitten: 1 Cloud: 0

********************************************

Edited May 12, 2008 by chui

[Umeko]

WHAAAAAAAAT!? you can't just stop there! it was getting yummie! more pleaaassseeee ^^ more Satsubatsu is on the way ^^

Edited May 12, 2008 by Umeko

[Guest chyna619]

Wonderful, more please. I really like this story.

[chui]

why thank you, darling Umeko, and chyna619. ill have more just as soon as my little fingers can get away from work and write it.

[chui]

and wow... it took me this long to get my fingers over to it... gah..i fail forever... well, here's a bit more if anyone is still lurking about....

Part 3: More Cloud Torture

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" Greta wailed, watching as her dreams for this date flew right out the window.

"Hngh... Dno...don't worry aboud id. I'ds dnot a big deal." Cloud managed to mutter between sniffles. "Jusd an allerdgy." He pressed his fingers to his nose, hoping to ease the tingle, but nothing eased the building burn.

Greta tittered around, trying at once to hold the kitten aside, and make sure Cloud wasn't planning on running the second she turned her back to him. That would be her luck.

"Ngtx! May I use your restroom?" Cloud managed to ask, to which she nodded frantically. Finally some luck! The bathroom didn't have a window for him to climb out of!!

*****

After being pointed in the right direction, to the door on the left, Cloud escaped to the hopefully ktten free sanctuary of the bathroom. He began to wash his hands frantically, using a tiny flower-shaped, and strongly floral scented soap to lather up. "Ek'gsh!" Deciding to make due with the smell for the rest of the night, he spread the lather over his face as well, rubbing it over his nose in an attempt to free it from the warring allergens. After enough soapy time to make an ER doctor satisfied, he rinsed off with warm water, and inhaled deeply....

"Ugh...Ng'shhh!" He was immediately assaulted by a rather pervasive smell of.....litter... as well as a fresh dose of kitteny goodness. He clamped a hand over his nose and practiaclly ran out of the bathroom, hoping that by some miracle, when he made it back to the kitchen, the kitten would be gone. He cautiously leaned around the doorframe, reminded of his days in the service, when enemies lurked around every corner.

To his immediate relief, there appeared to be no sign of the very cute, four-legged menace. All he saw was Greta, her back to him, leaning over the boiler closest to the edge of the stove. Sparing just a moment to survey her posterior, which was most definately passable, he smoothed back his hair once more...ok, so he pressed the worst of the spikes down only to feel them spring back to life as perky as ever... and sauntered in trying to regain at least some of his male-pattern-composure.

Score: Cloud: 0 Cloud's Hair: 1

**********************

[froglatte]

Oh, how did I miss this cute story??? I love your writing style, chui! It's so lighthearted and funny and enjoyable to read. Plus you've included my very favorite kind of sneezing!

There will be more? Please?

[chui]

why thank you! i love to read the really heavy/sensual fiction, but i much prefer to write the sillyness!

sooo.... what kind of sneezes might those be? you might see them again...

[froglatte]

sooo.... what kind of sneezes might those be? you might see them again...

EEEE! *jumps and shrieks, then remembers advanced age* Ahem. How nice.

I love a muffled or stifled masculine sneeze sooo much. The loud, over-the-top, shouted/vocalized masculine sneezes just leave me cold, probably due to horrible memories from my family of origin. Your phonetic spellings were just, uhm, GUH in this story, for lack of a better descriptive term and are just like how my sweet husband sneezes. I'm horrible at phonetic spellings, but you've captured the exact type of sneeze I find attractive. *wibbles* *goes back to read AGAIN*

[Guest Twye]

Wow You're stories are so amazing, chui! I hope you continue this

[chui]

rlygny: oh im so glad you liked them.... they are some of my favorite sounds too, and thats like the only way Cloud sneezes! he almost never lets them out....

Twye: awww.... thank you! I'm planning on it, as soon as i can hold Cloud down long enough for him to tell me something to do to him what happens next!

[chui]

without further ado... Part 4: A cloud of error...

The minute Cloud left the kitchen, Greta had ushered Reno into the living room.

"Reno, mommy loves you, but please... please stay in here." She glanced back over her shoulder before continuing in a conspiratorially hushed whisper. "Mommy really needs some time with a red-hot guy right about now... and even though you are red, and a guy, you aren't quite what I had in mind." The kitten trilled in response, and began to purr as she ran her fingers under his chin, scratching gently. He even went so far as to swat playfully at her fingertips as she pulled her hand back and stood.

Hearing the sounds of running water from behind the bathroom door, she snuck back into the kitchen to put the finishing touches on her sauce. She was so intent upon getting the seasoning just right, she didn't notice Cloud stepping to the doorway to watch. She just continued adding a pinch of this, a dash of that, until it tasted almost perfect. A few more minutes and he would be eating out of the palm of her... very best china.

With little of the swagger so often seen in attractive and self assured males, he stepped into the room. For the first time in years, well, at least in about 15 mintues, he was able to breathe freely, and inhaled the spicy aromatic aroma of whatever the heck was cooking on the stove. It smelled heavenly, the different herbs blending and melding, leading him onward and closer to the stove. He stopped just a few inches behind her, watching with a smile on his face as she dipped a spoon into the pot and tasting it. He watched her crinkle her nose. "Perhaps a bit more pepper," she spoke softly, still oblivious to his presence.

Just as she opened the small cannister of pepper, Cloud leaned forward, and with a flirtatious grin, asked, "Can I taste?"

Somewhere in her head, Greta saw herself replying coyly, "Of course you can, before taking a small spoonful of the sauce and blowing it cool, an innocently suggestive smile playing about her lips as she raised it to his mouth. Afterwards, he ran his tongue along his bottom lip, desire practically dripping from his words as he replied "Mmmm....delicious." Unfortunately, that part of her brain was reserved for daydreams and fantasys. The rest of her brain saw her jump back into him and yelp in suprise, and saw the cannister of pepper clunk into the edge of the pot. Where, since it was already open, it sent a fine black cloud over them both.

By some miracle it hadn't landed in either of their eyes, but it still managed to infiltrate both weakened sinuses. Seeming more like a comedy routine than a date, both of them began to rub furiously at their tingling noses. Within moments, the irritation became more than they could cope with. A chorus of girlish sounds vied with the deeper, and somewhat manlier, partial stifles.

"Hep'chu! Etchu! Ngtx! Tchu! Ng'shhh! Ip'shuu! Ek'gsh! Hih'itchu!"

While her eyes watered to the point where Greta was unable to even see Cloud, her own reaction seemed to be somewhat less intense than his. She could hear the effects of the pepper in the desperation of his voice, now growing raw from the constant effort, and in the urgency of his fit. She could feel the forcefulness of each motion through his hand which lingered upon her shoulder. Every time he was thrown forward, bending over until he practically gasped for breath.

Somehow she stumbled to the other side of the kitchen, reaching blindly for the papertowels she knew would be resting on the counter. Pulling a handful from the roll, she turned back in time to see Cloud shudder and take a deep breath. It seemed as if he was gaining control, and he reached gratefully for the towel she handed him.

"Thank y-...yo-...y-...ih'Mpch!" He quickly clamped it over his mouth and nose to smother the last sound into oblivion. For a few seconds he lingered, head bent breathing carefully into the towel, just to be sure that the fit was truly over. He looked up, giving her a sheepish grin, a faint blush creeping across his cheeks, mostly masked by the white towel. Ever the gentleman, he muttered from behind his security blanket, "Bless you."

Unable to stop the giggles, Greta wiped the watery tears from her eyes, and replied, with only a pinch of utter mortification, "Perhaps I should be the one blessing you." It wasn't long before Cloud's deep chuckle joined hers.

And that was precisely what Reno saw as he poked his whiskers just within the doorway. His mistress shaking, and that man reaching out to wipe a dusting of some black stuff from her face. His kitteny eyes narrowed, and his ears pressed back as a warning growl furled from deep withint his throat. This was completely unacceptable, and he would have to do something about it.

~*~

I have no clue what the score would be, but I think I'm winning...

Edited August 15, 2008 by chui

[Jemmabean]

Poor, poor Cloud.

[chui]

*chases TYS out of my story* ... shoo! we both know you aren't the slightest bit sorry for him!

i promise i will eventually finish it SneezingLove.... i'm having far too much fun torturing writing Cloud again....

[froglatte]

I have no clue what the score would be, but I think I'm winning...

No, we're winning!! Ooooooo, lovely update! The sneezing duet - like a sneeze opera! Is there more? Pretty please?

[Jemmabean]

Bwahahahahaha!!! *flees*

[Quell]

So did you know that I love this?

It's true!

Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room?

[chui]

rlygny: of course there shall be more darling... as soon as i can get Cloud to speak to me again. (He's a bit.... shy at the moment... not to mention sniffly.... )

TYS: *swats* shoo!

SneezingLove: i think i'll go torture him some more now actually... *big cheesy grin*

kittentissues: *GLOMP* dude... that means so much coming from you, being the awesomest that you are...

Edited August 17, 2008 by chui