"Sickbed in Cuchulainn - (7 Parts)

[Alucard]

Nice! I love it!

[nosferatu]

Bloody excellent. As always. Ginny, Hermione and Fleur. Wow.

[Pilgrim]

The second installment! It's short, but sweet, if I do say so myself. Just like this intro. Enjoy!

Harry and his crew had dropped Ron off at the hospital just in time; the second they walked in the door Ron degenerated into a sneezing fit to rival Fleur’s. Harry decided they didn’t have a moment to lose, and so they quickly procured directions to Malak’s hideout from Fleur (a ruined castle somewhere in Paris) and grabbed a handful of Floo Powder on their way to the nearest fireplace…which was in the next town over, unfortunately, as the hospital chimney was closed for repairs and the rest of the town was either apartments or stores. Almost as soon as the trio stepped on the bus that would take them to their next destination, they were greeted by a sound all of them were getting very tired of.

“ECK-SSHHHH! Hak-Shhh Eh-Shhh Heh-SCHHH!”

For some reason, the sneezing coming from the young blonde woman, (who our protagonists were forced to sit behind and next to due to lack of space) seemed to trigger something in Ginny’s nose as well.

“Ah-Sheew! Heh-Cheew-Ah-Cheew-Ehhh-Cheew-Haah-SHEEW!”

“Bless you. AH-SSHHOOO!” the woman said, er, sneezed.

“Thanks. For some reason, when I have a cold, I tend to sneeze when other people sneeze.” Ginny explained off-handedly.

As the young woman and Ginny began to engage in further conversation, Harry whispered anxiously to Hermione.

“ Hey, you’re not going to start sneezing anytime soon, are you? Because in a public place like this…”

“Don’t worry, Harry, I’ve been feeling a lot better recently. My stay at the Sickbed helped loads, and I got these pills from the doctor that should keep my sneezes in check.” Hermione sniffled and rubbed at her still somewhat pink nose. “Far from a cure, but it’ll do until we find Malak and beat the tar out of him.”

“Ack-SHHH! Oh, wow, I’m sneezig ligue crazy all ub a…ahhhh-SHHH!!! Sudded. Do you hab ady tissues?”

“Sure, here ya…ahhhh…go. Are you ahhh-allergic to something?” Ginny asked, fighting back a rising tickle in her own nose. She knew by the strength of it that if she started sneezing now, she might not stop until the end of the trip. But her new traveling companion’s near-constant sniffling and sneezing was a hard distraction to ignore, and she was having a hard time keeping her breath from hitching even as she talked.

“I am ah-Ah-CHHH! Allergic to dog heh-Heck-Shhh-Shhh-Shhh!!! Hair. You dod’t habbed to owd a dog, do you?” The woman said, wiping her watering eyes and runny nose with Ginny’s tissues.

Ginny thought back to the fight they had had with a transformed Bill not too long ago. “No, but me and my friends were…playing with one a little while ago. We must have gotten dog hair on us, I’m sorry.”

The woman was too busy with a brand new sneezing fit to answer, however. Apparently Ginny’s tissues had picked up some of Bill’s wolf hair from her clothes.

“Ahhh-Shhh! Heh-Schhh Eh-Chhh-Choo Ack-SCHHH! Ek-CHHH HAAK-SHHH EEECHK-CHHHHH-SHHHH!! Oh by, Gak-CHOOO!!! CHHH CHHH CHHH AH-CHHH EH-CHHH HEEEH-CHHH SHHHOOOOOOO!!!”

This was too much for Ginny, and she quickly joined in with the woman’s sneezing.

“Haaaahhhhh-CHEEEW!!! Ehhh-CHEEWIE!! EH-SHEW SHEW TCHEEW! Heeehhh…Ehhhhh…EH-SHEEEEW!!!”

Harry looked worriedly at Hermione, but she simple smiled smugly at the two ferocious sneezers in front of her.

“Good thing the trip is short, huh? I doubt these two could take more than another few minutes of each other.”

Harry laughed nervously. “You…you’re sure you’re fine?”

“Please, stop worrying, Harry. I’d be paying more attention to your girlfriend, frankly. She looks like she might, I don’t know, burst a blood vessel in her nose or something.”

Fortunately, the bus had come to their stop, and Harry and his girl friends exited the bus, much to the relief of the other passengers who were still going a ways down the road. As Ginny stifled the remainder of her sneezes into her tissues, of which she was already beginning to run low on, the group proceeded to a near-by inn they'd been directed too and, while holding up a bag of Floo Powder, asked the bartender if they could use the fireplace. After her grunted a yes and nodded in the direction of the unusually large hearth, Hermione became aware of a musky smell that was slightly irritating to her nose. But she gulped one of her small pills and joined her fellows.

“Wow, this thing is big. All three of us can fit in here at once!” Ginny exclaimed, holding several sodden tissues to her nose so as not to breathe in any ash or Powder.

“Yes, but not comfortably. Let’s do this already.”

As Harry threw the magical dust and stated the name of a building a few blocks from the address Fleur had given them, Hermione felt a fierce itch burn in her nose. But, it was too late to do anything about it, as expressed by the exasperated look she shared with Harry. Wondering what would happen if she sneezed in mid-magical teleportation but not really wanting to find out, Hermione focused every ounce of willpower she had on suppressing the fiery tickle in her nose. I will not sneeze, I will not sneeze, I will not sneeze She chanted over and over again in her mind, willing the itch away. After what seemed like a tickly eternity but was in fact mere seconds, they emerged from a chimney in a vacant house. As this fireplace was a great deal smaller than the one at the bar, the trio fell rather comically out onto their faces, and Hermione’s impending sneeze was replaced with coughing from inhaling some amount of ancient soot.

“Well, that was interesting.” Harry said, helping the girls to their feet. He then pointed at the exit in a stereotypical hero pose and exclaimed, “Now, let’s go save the world!”

“Uh, you know, we don’t actually know Malak’s agenda. He might not be a threat to the whole world.” Ginny said meekly. Harry stared at her blankly for a minute, then resumed his heroic stance.

“Fine then. Let’s go get revenge on that slimy bugger!”

“Hoo-Rah.” Hermione added, out of breath. And so the three friends set off, not knowing that a variety of cunning traps had already been laid for them by a much more intelligent adversary than Malak.

[Blah!?]

Just let Hermione sneeze already!!! GRRRR!!!

Just as great as evah! whoo!!!!!!1

[Pseudosneeze]

Very good, very good.

[nosferatu]

Very good indeed.

[Pseudosneeze]

I've always had a bit of a soft spot for redheads.

[Pilgrim]

And here we have the next chapter! The moemnt you've been waiting for, Hermione finally sneezes! Sorry, it's short again, but hey, look how fast I'm doing this! It's like lightening! And besides, they'll all sneeze plenty more in the finale. Which may be soon. Lightening!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione proceeded through a crowded market street in quest of a run-down castle they could see the spires of off in the distance. They made slow progress through the busy road, but happily made it without incident. Then, Ginny noticed them.

“Pixies!”

The gang looked up at where she was pointing and saw nearly a dozen of the tiny blue winged creatures rushing towards them. As the group ducked, the squadron broke up and began zooming around them while making rude gestures.

“They must be enchanted to be invisible to Muggles.” Ginny said, swatting at them. Hermione grabbed her hand.

“If that’s the case, then we can’t acknowledge their presence or we’ll look like crazy people. Come one, let’s just hurry on and ignore them.”

“Hurry? In this crowd? We’ve got a better chance at making it there if we look crazy.” Harry grumbled while smacking one of the creatures to the ground. The pixies responded by increasing their speed and beginning to physically attack the three friends, poking and pinching them without mercy. As they struggled to try and run through the mass of people preventing the from escaping, several of the Pixies approached Hermione carrying tiny satchels. They floated directly in front of her face, taunting her, then flew under her nose and opened their pouches in perfect synch with Hermione taking a breath. Immediately, Hermione felt a burning tickle rush through her nose as she sucked up the black powder stored in the Pixies bags, and she had to squeeze it shut to keep from sneezing and activating Malak’s curse, which would cause her to release magical energy in the form of random spells with each sneeze.

Harry saw her sudden movement and immediately realized the gravity of their situation.

“Time to act crazy.” He and Ginny began swiping at the pixies like enraged schizophrenics, clearing a path before them. Meanwhile, Hermione struggled to keep her nose under control. By now the tickle had fanned out over her entire nose, and her eye s were watering from the intensity of it. As if having two nostrils full of sneezing powder weren’t bad enough, a particularly stealthy pixie was able to sneak over head and began dancing about Hermione’s nose with a feather. She tried to smack it away, but several of it’s friends grabbed her hand to keep her from reaching their ally, and if she let even a tiny bit of pressure off of her nose she knew she’d completely lose control. As her nose twitched in irritation, the fiery tickle increased in ferocity exponentially with the help of the feather, until finally she lost control. Fortunately, the trio was passing an alleyway at just that moment, and Harry shoved Hermione into it at the last moment.

“HIIISSCHUUHHH!!! HAAH-SHUSSCHHH! SCHHHUHH!! AHHH-SCHHH AAAHH-SCHHUHH! HUHHH-SCHHHSHH ISHHCHHH AAHHHH-SHSHUUHHH!!!”

As Hermione sneezes created a lightshow of magic, she noticed that Ginny, rather than joining her friend in sneezing as she normally would be reflexively compelled to, was standing in awe at her raucous sneezes. Feeling her cheeks go bright pink (in compliment to her irritated nose, which was just transitioning into red) she attempted to explain herself between sneezes.

“You know, AH-ISHHUUH! I don’t...HAAHHH-SHUUHHH!!! Normally…saaahhh…sn-sneeze…ISHHCHHH ISCHHSHH ISSHUUH!!! Like this-SHUUH!”

Her friends nodded vigorously in agreement. Hermione continued to blush and held a used white handkerchief over nose, stopping what few sneezes remained.

“Hey, where’d the pixies go?” Ginny asked suddenly. The group looked around, but saw no sign of the malevolent little critters.

“Probably to get more sneezing powder. Come one, let’s get out of here!”

The group shoved through the crowds for the final stretch, finally arriving at their destination. Upon close inspection, they realized that the building wasn’t actually a castle, but a very fancy church.

“Well, do we go inside?” Hermione asked, wiping her nose with her handkerchief. All that sneezing seemed to have brought her cold symptoms back, as her nose had begun running again and she felt a slight headache coming on.

“Fleur said that it was underground, so there must be a basement or cellar or something. Let’s look around back.”

The three made their way around the church to a cemetery in the back, and found a pair of stone doors leading underneath the church. After going down into a stone hall lit by torches, they were met by another door made of stone. There was no apparent way of opening it.

“It must be enchanted to open with a password. I think I remember a spell…” Hermione began, but before she could continue Harry approached the door and spoke, “Oooh, Eee, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting-Tang, Walla Walla Bing-Bang.” The doors swung open with a loud thud.

“How’d you know?” Ginny asked.

“Everything this guy’s done so far has been musical, I figured it would have to be something like that. My back-up choice was Ba Wita Ba De Bang De Dang Diggy Diggy Diggy”

“What a coincidence, that was mine too.” said a voice from the darkness. The group squinted ahead and saw Malak stepping towards them, his wand in hand.

“You’ve gotten me into an awful lot of trouble, you know. My boss seems to think I’m incompetent. He’s on the verge of disconnecting me from his power and leaving me to face you busybodies with my own measly magic. Oh, don’t look so shocked. You don’t think I could cast such high-level spells using only a word or phrase without some help, do you? But that’s all irrelevant. I’m going to show you the full extent of my...errr...our power!”

As the trio braced themselves for his attack, Malak took in a deep breath and then yelled, in an unusually high-pitch, “TRRROOOOOOGDOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR!!!!!”

Malak was then consumed by fire emanating from his wand, and when the smoke cleared, he emerged as a 7 foot tall dragon with human arms, flames shooting from his mouth and nose.

“Well, this certainly looks like it’s going to be a challenge, doesn’t it gang?” Harry quipped, drawing his wand with shining eyes. “Let’s rock.”

Will Harry and the others make it out alive? Of course they will! Find out how in the stunning conclusion to “The thrilling misadventures of Harry and friends!” Go squeadlie!

[Pseudosneeze]

And then Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like Harry and his friends are about to get burninated.

[Blah!?]

TROGDOR!!! LMAOO!!!!! XD

[Pseudosneeze]

I still like how you use songs as incantations.

[Pilgrim]

Sorry for the delay in the final chapter, god is conspiring against me. Between finals to study for, my three day camping trip, and now the temporary loss of the use of my right hand (a sprain of some kind, I don't even know how it happened) I'm afraid I won't be able to update this fic for a while. But I will get it done eventually, divine interference or no!

While you waiting, I encourage anyone who hasn't already to read the prequel to this story, just for something to tide you over. Search for "sickbed" in Stories and it'll be right there.

[Pilgrim]

My wrist is better! And so, without further ado, the end!

“When all the land is in ruin

And burnination has forsaken the countryside

Only one guy will remain

My money's on…”

The shadowy figure from the beginning of this story heard a crash behind him and turned to see Harry and his friends standing over a busted door.

“You?!?” He cried in surprise, stepping into the light and revealing his appearance. He had shoulder-length brown hair that was rather unkempt for the boss of any sort of organization, and he couldn’t have been more than thirty, but was even more surprising was his attire. He was wearing a sleeveless black T-shirt, jeans, and bright red sneakers. He looked like any average guy off of the street. Nonetheless, he talked and moved with a dark air about him: despite his appearance, it was obvious that he was the one in charge.

“How…how did you defeat Malak? He used one of the most powerful spells I had…”

Hermione adjusted her blue top, a third of which had been burned off, to cover herself better. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She taunted.

“The writer couldn’t figure it out either!” Ginny blurted, brushing her singed hair.

“In any event,” Harry interrupted, wiping ash from his face and glasses, “I don’t know who you are, or what your motives are, but quite frankly, I don’t really care. You’ve been distracting us from our primary mission for too long, and it’s high time we put a stop to it.”

“Skip straight to the fight, eh? Fine by me. With Malak defeated, all my power will have returned to me. I knew I shouldn’t have made that punk a jukebox hero…”

“What’s with all the musical-themed spells? It’s starting to really annoy me.” Hermione inquired, drawing her wand in synch with her adversary.

The man smiled. “I know, it’s only rock and roll, but I like it!"

Upon uttering this incantation, the stranger’s wand transformed into a large weapon that had the shape of an electric guitar but was made of wood, like the wand.

“My name is Demyx, and you’ve been thunderstruck!"

He strummed several notes on his magical guitar, and a bolt of lightening struck at the group from the darkness, scattering them.

“Expelliarmus!"

“Black hole sun!"

Ginny attempted a counter-attack, but her spell was instantly nullified by a dark void that opened between her and Demyx.

“Hayfever."

At another riff from the magical musician, Ginny was suddenly entrapped in a fierce sneezing fit.

“Heh-Cheew Heh-Cheew Ha-CHOO! Eh-Cheew Hah-SHEEW!!! Imp-CHEEEEW Haah-AhSheew Eh-Sheew-Sheeew Ahhh-CHEEEW Heeeeh-CHEEEEW SHEEEEW!!!!”

“Impedimenta!"

With his back turned to Harry so as to focus his attack on Ginny, Demyx was caught off-guard by the offensive spell and thrown forwards. As Hermione approached him to deliver a follow-up attack, however, he quickly returned fire.

“Don’t stand so close to me!"

This time Hermione was thrown back, and Harry had no choice but to press the assault himself.

“Wingardium Levi-"

“Great balls of fire!"

With a few quick strums of his guitar, Harry’s spell was cut off as he moved to avoid the flames that shot from Demyx’s instrument. Even as he picked himself off the ground, another spell was ready for him.

“Bullet with butterfly wings."

After a quizzical look from Harry, he soon found himself trapped behind the bars of a magical prison.

“Impedimenta!"

“Won’t get fooled again!"

Hermione’s spell was instantly cancelled at a few notes from the musician/magician, who slowly approached while laughing maniacally.

“Do you want to give up? You’re all by yourself now.”

He turned to Ginny “She’s got hayfever blocking up her head…”

“I…ISHEEW! CHH-CHEEW! EHSHEEEEW!! Heeeeehh-CHEEEWW!!!”

He spun to taunt Harry.

“And despite all your rage, you’re still just a rat in a cage.”

Harry seemed to stare at his captor with fierce intensity, but in fact his attention was drawn to his girlfriend, who was still sneezing away behind Demyx. His strength comes from his speed. He can play faster than we can talk. But if we could send spells at him even faster…Oh, I’m going to regret this, I know it…but it’s our only hope

“Sorry Hermione. Nasalium Sternuto!”

Hermione’s eyes fluttered and her breath hitched so ferociously that she practically convulsed. Demyx was lost for words, and as Hermione dropped her wand and drew in a deep “Ahhhhhhhhhhh….”, all he managed to say was-

“Oh“

-before being drowned out by Hermione’s ensuing magic-boosted sneezing fit:

“…ahhhhhhHHHHHH-CHUUUUUUUHHH!!! HA-SHHHH-SHUUH! SHUH-SHHHH HEH-SHHH!!! EH-SHHH HEEEEEHH-SCHHHH!!! EH-CHHH EH-CHHHH-CHHHH-CHHUUUHH! SHH-SHUUH SHH-SCHHHHH!!! Hah-SHHH Hah-SHHH Hah-SHHH HAH-SHHH HAH SHHH SHHH SHHH SHHH SHHH SHUUUUH!!!!!”

Every one of Hermione’s elephantine sneezes cast a random spell at Demyx. He was under attack by fire, water, lightening, invisible blasts, paralyzing curses, disorienting jinxes, painful hexes. Before long he couldn’t even tell which way was up; it was like he was being torn apart by a hundred different magicks. And Hermione’s sneezing fit was just getting warmed up.

“Some-SHHHHUUUUHHH!!! Heeeeh-SHHH SHHH SHHH SHH-SHUUHH! Somebody, stop…aahhhhh-CHH-CHHH-CHHHUUUHHH! Heh-SCHHH Ah-SCHHHSHHH!!! H-Help! HIIIII-ISSSHHUUUHHH! ISHH-SHHH SCHHHHH SHHHHUUH!!”

“Hermione, over here!”

Hermione turned, and sneezed a spell that freed Harry from his prison with a powerful explosion. Harry quickly ran for Demyx, ducking under rogue spells, and snatched his magical instrument. After strumming a few quick notes for practice, her played a feeble rhythm aimed and sang, “Just stop.”

The effects were immediate. Hermione and Ginny’s fits were instantly cut short. Caught up in sheer joy, Ginny leapt at Harry to wrap him in a loving embrace, her eyes and nose still red and streaming from her allergy attack.

“You did it!” She cried, wiping at her nose and smothering her love with kisses.

“We did it.” Harry corrected, looking fondly at Hermione, who was blowing her nose fiercely into a grubby piece of cloth.

“Ugh, still tickles like crazy…well, now that that’s taken care of, I guess we’d better get back to the hospital to send someone to collect these buggers. After the beating Demyx took, I don’t think he’ll be getting up for days. Malak, though…”

“Has disappeared.” Harry finished, looking out the door to find a wrecked and empty room. “But we shouldn’t worry, most of his power was apparently derived from his boss, so I doubt he’ll be coming after us anytime soon. Come on, gang, let’s go.”

And so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes.

But where it’s goin’, no one knows.

[Pseudosneeze]

Decided to skip over the whole battle with Trogdor, eh? Oh well, still a great ending. I recognize the name Demyx. That one guy from Organization XIII in Kingdom Hearts 2. One of the most annoying boss battles in the game in my opinion, but the character works well here with the musical spells. Fantastic irony when the spell that started this mess causes his own downfall, and wonderful sneezes from Hermione and Ginny. Truly an excellent story.

[Pilgrim]

Decided to skip over the whole battle with Trogdor, eh? Oh well, still a great ending. I recognize the name Demyx. That one guy from Organization XIII in Kingdom Hearts 2. One of the most annoying boss battles in the game in my opinion, but the character works well here with the musical spells. Fantastic irony when the spell that started this mess causes his own downfall, and wonderful sneezes from Hermione and Ginny. Truly an excellent story.

Thanks, I'm really gald you liked it (since it was, after all, written specifically for you) I was having trouble coming up with a good name for the guy, so I figured I'd name him after the only other musician boss I knew of. I kind of like that boss battle, since it was actually challenging (unlike most of the boss fights in that game. Too bad that the only ways to make them challenging was to also make them annoying) Oh, and my reason for the musical spells? I play too much Guitar Hero

[Blah!?]

Awwww... I wanted to see them try to stand up to Trogdor and all of his majesties! Still a great story though!

I don't play Guitar Hero, but I take a lot of influence from games and movies and the like. For example, every one of my characters in the I Nem RPG has some sort of sci0fi refference (ie Mar's last name being an angram for Han Solo) And I've always wanted to call something Baneblade (as in the ultimate battle machine introduced in Dawn of War)

[mysterysneeze]

I am happy I found this story again ^^. Hermione sneezing fits are awesome in this story. J. K. Rowling should do something similar to this! (She will probably never know about this, but...)

Anyway, great storyline, the plot was excellent (I never would've thought of your villain XD), and I love all of the parts! Thank you for posting this story!!

[blum]

Thanks for sharing