Disruptive Sneezing

[gonnasneeze]

Victoria became engaged in March and set the date for her wedding in June. She is a bit of a snob and pursues perfection in everything she does and her wedding was no exception.

Victoria’s friend, Denise, was excited when she was asked to be a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding ceremony. Denise is nice looking and humble, with a charming personality.

Denise has hay fever, but keeps her sneezing in check with AllergyTamers. She does not sneeze excessively when she takes her medicine. When she feels a sneeze coming on, she can diffuse it by discretely pinching her nose as she feels the first sensation. At the time she asked her, it didn’t occur to Victoria that Denise might sneeze and thereby render her wedding ceremony “imperfect.”

The only concern Denise had was that she is violently allergic to “ScentualScent” perfume. If she inhales even a tiny bit, she sneezes violently and continuously until she exits the room and can breathe pure air for several seconds. She did some research and found that “ScentualScent” is not sold at retail in the part of the country where she lives. The chances that anyone would wear it in the Sunbelt were remote, so in her excitement, Denise buried her concern.

Victoria kept total control over the planning of her wedding. She even accompanied her bridesmaids to the store where they tried on the dresses she had selected for them.

It was a glorious Saturday in June when the wedding party arrived for the ceremony. The bridesmaids assisted the bride in dressing. Then all went to the entrance of the church sanctuary, waiting to be cued by the organist to begin the processional.

Denise stopped by the room where the purses were stored to pick up a couple of AllergyTamers to take as she passed the drinking fountain. Suddenly she was panic-stricken to find she had forgotten to drop her AllergyTamers in her purse. It was too late. . .she had to join the wedding party and hope she could keep her sneezing at bay if it came to that.

The organist began to play and the processional began.

A few minutes into the ceremony, trouble wafted into Denise’s nostrils. It instantly occurred to her that the woman sitting in the aisle seat in the third row was wearing “ScentualScent.”

“Oh God, I-I-I’m doomed,” she nearly shrieked out loud, as her first tickle advanced into a buildup.

She was instantly overtaken by a horrendous sneezing fit. “HEH-HEH-HEH. . .HEEEEEE-YISHOOOOO!!!. . .huh-huh. . .HEEEEEEEYISHOOOO!!!. . .came her sneezes by the dozen. “T-tell Vic. . .huh. . .huh. . .huhhhhhhh. . .HEEEEEEEEYISHOO!!!. . .toria I have to leave. . .huh. . .HEEEEEEEEYISHOOOOOOOO!!!,” she gasped to another bridesmaid as she darted out the side door of the church into the afternoon sun.

She got into the car sobbing, unable to believe what had just happened. Her sneezing subsided as she inhaled more suitable air. She was so shaken, that she drove away, leaving her live-in boyfriend, Paul to find his own way home.

Paul arrived home to find Denise sobbing convulsively.

“Oh, Paul, I ruined Victoria’s wedding. I didn’t mean to,” she sobbed as she hugged him.

“I know Honey,” he said sympathetically. “It wasn’t your fault. It was just an unfortunate occurrence. You meant well and Victoria should appreciate that.”

The next evening, the couple was having dinner when they heard a knock at the door. When Denise went to answer the knock, a deputy sheriff was standing there and thrust an envelope into her hand. “I’m here to serve you a summons saying that you are being sued,” he said sternly. He turned around immediately and drove away in his patrol car.

Trembling with fear, Denise opened the envelope. The notice read:

“The plaintiff, Victoria H-, hereby files suit against the defendant, Denise C- for $10,000 for “disruptive sneezing” that ruined the plaintiff’s wedding. Hearing will commence at 2PM on 17 August in the courtroom of Judge Judy Sheindlin. . .”

“Oh my God,” shrieked Denise. “Victoria is suing me for sneezing at her wedding.”

“Let me see that,” demanded Paul, as he grabbed the summons from her hand.

“That woman is evil and despicable,” declared Paul. “But I’m sure Judge Judy will understand that you meant well and just wanted to help your friend by being one of her bridesmaids.”

TV cameras and crew were present when the two parties to the lawsuit entered the courtroom. The hearing was being filmed to air on the nationally syndicated television show, “Judge Judy.” Denise hated the idea of being filmed for TV under these circumstances.

As the two parties to the lawsuit waited, Judge Judy entered the courtroom wearing her black judge’s robe. “This hearing will now begin,” announced the bailiff.

The judge asked each woman some basic questions to get a feel for how she would rule in the case.

Finally Judge Judy addressed Victoria. “I have a final question for you ma’am,” she said.

At that moment an intense tickle and huge buildup struck Victoria. She had to sneeze at the worst possible moment! She tried mightily to fight it off by first pinching her nose and then applying pressure under her nose with her index finger. But alas, her sneeze prevailed. A resounding “HEEEEYET-SHOOOOOOO!!!” rang through the courtroom.

“Now I’ve heard enough,” announced Judge Judy. “You just blew your case, literally,” she quipped to Victoria with a wry smile. All Victoria could do was fumble feebly for the embroidered lace trimmed hanky she had folded and tucked neatly in her handbag in order to dab the moisture from her nose.

The judge turned her attention to Denise. “You strike me,” she began, “as a true, sincere friend. I want you to know that if I were getting married, I would be honored to have you as one of my bridesmaids.

“There would just be two precautions I would take,” continued the judge with her patented courtroom humor. “First I would call you on my wedding day to remind you to bring your hay fever medicine and second I would screen all guests at the door for 'ScentualScent.'” (laughter erupts from spectators in the room).

“CASE DISMISSED!” (gavel sounds)

.

[Bombast]

Talk about frivolous lawsuits! I halfway expect there to be a real one some day about someone having violated some hick town's asinine anti-sneezing code.

Great take on the ol' "sneezing in the middle of a wedding" chestnut.

[Guest blue eyed girl]

ha, the made me smile.

[Sneesee]

This definitely put a smile on my face today! Very funny! I definitely like the main characters name! Wish I was more like her sometimes!

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

Fun.

Guess I'll bump it up since it seems to be the topic of a current discussion.