Dungeons and Dragons: Woodland Interlude

[Pilgrim]

Zio, Edea, and Kyube rested momentarily in the shade of one of the many catkin-laden trees that populated the forest. Although they wanted to continue their journey as quickly as they could, it was absolutely impossible for them to continue forward without a rest. In addition to the old forest paths being unmarked and difficult to follow, the air was so suffused with pollen that the three were actually having trouble breathing. While none of them had thought they had any allergies to pollen (which is the only reason they had decided to explore and attempt to map out some of the forest for some extra cash on their way to Eastford), the trees and flowers of these woods produced so much that was so strong they all reacted badly nonetheless.

Edea was repeatedly sniffling back a long stream of snot and resisting the impulse to blow her nose, since her handkerchief had already become soaked to the point of uselessness. She would periodically let loose loud, congested “HAAATSCHCHHS” that were wetter and gave more relief than her usual treasure-seeking sneezes. However it wouldn’t be long before a new itch surfaced in her sinuses, as her quivering pink-rimmed nostrils would indicate, and soon enough she’d blast out other, sometimes thicker “AAASHHHATCHH!”

Zio’s elven nose was much less runny than Edea’s, but it was no less itchy. As they walked she was constantly pawing at it, moving the itch in her nostrils around until it either faded to a satisfactory degree or was finally agitated enough to surrender a few “Heh-Heckshnnsh” “Atchnnch” and “Heeh-Itshnnsh”s. Of course, on occasion all she could get was a “Heehhh….Haaaah…H-Hehheh..hhhh…” and then they would be stuck, itching at her nose with even greater fervor

Kyube seemed to have the most adverse reaction out of all of them. Her nostrils flared out wide as her breath constantly hitched in a struggle to breath through the light fog of pollen. A warm, tingling itch fanned out from her nose through her whole flushed, puffy face. She kept one hand constantly rubbing her nose or her eyes, both of which were an unhealthy pink color and badly swollen. They also were both scrunched in concentration as she desperately tried to prevent herself from sneezing, for every time she let loose even a little “Kchu!” or a “Hakatchhuh!” or, worse of all, a “HEEH-KTSHUUUH!”, much less a series such as “Hehkkchhh! Hehksssh! Heeh-Ktchuuh Kshuuh Haaktchuuh Ehkshuuh!”, she would lose full control over her potent fire magic and conjure a burst of lame or bright flare, which she’d have to dismiss quickly before it caught any of the many, many plants in the forest.

“How much farther do you think we have to go?” Edea mumbled incoherently through the thick congestion running down her face.

“Nah-Haaah…Ah…Ot much f-fahh-ahhh-hh…ahh…arther, ehh.” Zio responded, her face twitching as her nose struggled with a surging and receding tickle. Through teary, itchy eyes she glanced at the map which they were themselves half-creating, having taken it from Kyube for fear she’d accidentally set it aflame. It was true, having decided to take less of a detour than they’d originally intended they were now very close to the eastern forest border. However…

“Hold it right there, suckers!” A rough voice cried, and suddenly the trio was face to face with just as many goblins. Though only four feet tall, the pointy-eared, long-nosed, green-skinned little devils were known for their cunning, agility, and propensity for sneaking up on people on paths in the wilderness. “Give us all your valuables and leave, and then maybe we won’t hurt you!”

The goblins, all dressed in leather tunics and armed with vicious-looking serrated short-swords, cackled menacingly as they burst from the trees and bushes surrounding the road. It seemed like there was nearly a dozen of them; it was difficult for the girls to count as the goblins’ emergence had shaken loose a small cloud of pollen from the underbrush, and the adventurers were immediately overcome by sneezing.

“EEUGSHAAAH! HEETSCHAASH HIYAATSCHHUUUUH! Huhh-HATSCHSHHHHH!” Edea immediately doubled over in an eruption of sneezes that sent the long string of mucous running down her nose splattering everywhere as it combined with the thick spray of her sneezes.

“Hey! Didn’tcha hear the boss?” One of the smaller goblins stepped forward, threatening with his knife. “Surrender the loot quick, or we’ll make mincemeat outta ya!”

“I, um, don’t think they can really do much…” A squatter, narrow-eyed goblin responded.

“Hiihhi-Hiihh-Hiii-Itschhh Ehhh’Tschnnnch Hetshnchhh Hehntchhh Ehh’Tchnkshhhh Hihhh’Itschhh Hitchh’Schhhh!” Zio sneezed in confirmation of this statement, fumbling as she tried to draw her bow while still sneezing.

“Do…do we wait until they’re done?” Asked a lanky goblin wielding two butcher knives.

“Ktchuh-Ktchh-Ktchh-Hekshhh Hehh-Kshuu Hahk’shhh Haktchuuuh Ktchuh Ktsshhuuh!” Kyube’s sneezes were coming too quickly to have a hope of stopping, and the small burst of flame she was conjuring were beginning to create a circle of flame around her as she turned this way and that to avoid sneezing fire at herself or her partners.

One goblin leaning against a tree and idly twirling his dagger let out a low whistle. “Seems like that might be a problem. They could try to fight back, y’know?”

“It’s true, ambushing them now would be prudent. However, it seems sort of…lame.” The original goblin mused.

Fortunately, a solution to this problem presented itself in the form of a brown-haired young man wielding a buckler shield and a short sword which was radiating with magic energy who emerged from the bushes behind several of the goblins. Accompanying him was a blond fairy wearing a silky short dress who looked positively enraged.

“Halt, interlopers!” He shouted, raising his blade at the goblins. “You have trespassed into territory belonging to the Court of Dancing Blossomed Grace! By the authority vested in me by Queen Autumn Sundown, I demand that you cease harassment of these travelers and vacate these woods immediately, or I shall be forced to remove you!”

With that, he spun around in a quick slashing motion which let the energy that had gathered in his sword loose in a vortex of magical power, sending the three goblins nearest to him flying backwards and slicing up their tunics.

“Aw man, he’s got fairy magic! Let’s get out of here!” At their leader’s command, the goblins immediately entered a hasty retreat and fled down the road.

The young man sheathed his sword, smiling with satisfaction. “That sure showed them! Though it’ll be trouble if they come back with reinforcements…I should probably follow them to see if they’re part of a bigger tribe. Oh, but where are my manners. The name is Elan Robinson. Are you ladies…”

“ATSCHAAACH!” Edea responded, nearly knocking herself over with the force of her own sneezes. The goblins weren’t the only thing that had been sent flying by Elan’s attack. “HA-TSHAAA HUUUH-TSCHAAAAASCH! AAATSCHHHHH HATSCHHH ATSCHHAAAACH!” The whirlwind of magic had also picked up and scattered even more pollen from all the surrounding shrubbery, dusting the ladies with a fine coating of allergens.

“Hetchngchhh! Hetshnnch Hetschh Etschh-Tschhh-Ehh-Tchnshh-Tschhh-Etschhh!” Zio had dropped her bow from the force of her sneezes and was rubbing at her itching face, trying to clean off the pollen covering it. Her sneezes kept coating her hands in spray and she would have to wipe them on her tunic to avoid smearing it over her face as she scratched her eyes and nose. She didn’t realize that this caused the pollen which clung to her tunic

“Ummm…” Elan stared at the impressive allergy attacks happening in front of him, stunned by their intensity.

Kyube had it worst of all. She collapsed to the ground and sneezed rapidly, completely helpless to stop herself. For fear of accidentally catching on fire, she purposefully sneezed out in front of herself, hands firmly at her sides, blasting snot and spray indiscriminately amidst the pillar of flame she was inadvertently building up.

“Ktschh-Ktschuh Hektschuh Hecktchhh-Ktschhh-Ktchuuh Hehh-Heh-Hehh-HKKSHUUUH Hakutshuuh Atkchuuh Ahhk’schuuuh Ktschh Atkschhh Ahhh-Ahhh…”

“Well, uh, I really should get those goblins. So I think I’m, um, just gonna…yeah.”

“Hehhh-Heh-Etschhnch Heetschhnch Hehhtschhh Etschhh Ehhh’Tchnnnsh!”

“Okay, bye.”

“HAAAH-TSCHUUUUUH!”

[NoV]

“ATSCHAAACH!” Edea responded, nearly knocking herself over with the force of her own sneezes.

I have always loved the idea of someone sneezing with such force that it throws them off balance or knocks them to the ground, and pollen allergy sneezes are the best

[SmokeyGhost]

I like the idea of goblins deciding not to attack because it's "lame." Fun story

[Blah!?]

That was great. Glad we finally got to see Kyube sneeze, and the added magic effects just make her even cuter. We'll see if she beats out Edea and her nose for treasure as my favorite sneezer in this epic tale...

And how could I forget? New characters! Gotta love new characters. The fact that you named them leads me to believe we'll see them again. I especially want to meet the wonderfully-named Autumn Sundown, especially if she sneezes too.

[Curiosity234]

Another good one! I like the silliness.

[sneezydreams]

I love the desparation of their fits, and how they can't even talk through them! Well done! will you be continuing?

[Pilgrim]

I'm glad you all enjoyed it! Yes I will be continuing the story of these characters eventually...look for future topics entitled Dungeons and Dragons.