Gently Dandy Thespian Anecdote (M, cold)

[VoOs]

Some months ago I read a quote from the man in my signature that made me pretty angry. Angry, because I knew I would now have to write an RPFic based on it. In the end, I ended up writing some kind of experimental poem instead, because to me, that was less embarrassing somehow? (To Ouroboros, who expressed a wish to see the scenario written out - All I can say is: I'm sorry!)

Here's the quote:

"He took a year out – working for six months in a perfumier’s to earn the money to allow him to teach English in Tibet. At the perfumier’s, he learnt to prefer “bright citruses – bergamot, vetiver”. Once, with a severe cold, he served Richard E. Grant and watched, with horror, as a drip from his nose “landed right on his Blenheim Bouquet as I giftwrapped it” – the most gently dandy thespian anecdote of 2013." - Caitlin Moran, Interview with Benedict Cumberbatch

And here's the resulting weirdness:

Darjeeling

the Himalayas

bending forward, gently squeezing

the wide bridge of his nose

he tries to picture it

trecking down a narrow serpentine path

everlasting snow glistening

reflecting the sun far above

high, crisp mountain air filling his nostrils

a mental image

that would be far more motivating

had he actually been able to recall

what 'air filling his nostrils' used to feel like

a wry, self-ironic smile

that morning

skipping work had seemed a non-option

if he is to realize his travel plans

he can't afford to feel

sorry for himself

can't afford to miss

a single hour

the hours ticking by with the sound of falling pennies

clink, clink

adding to the pile

adding yet another mile

can't afford to not -

still not one of his brightest decisions

it is getting painfully obvious

with every passing hour (clink)

he ought to have remained horizontal

as staying vertical becomes a conscious effort

his head now twice as heavy

clogged and pounding

the perfumier's fragrance-laden atmosphere

overwhelming at the end of a shift

even on a good day

now threatens to set him off

at any unguarded moment

precious fragile perfume bottles resting in his hands

a sneeze sneaking up on him

as he is rearranging a display shelf

yet another barely avoided disaster

his eyes narrowing with the effort

(he can't use his shirt sleeve

he has no choice but to use his shirt sleeve)

tousled head bobbing down, slender shoulders shuddering

the paroxysm contained

squeaking through swollen passages

at least the store is empty of customers

for now

thank god for small favours

how many hours left?

(clink)

the door bell sounds

counter duties, stand at attention

time to employ those acting skills

he likes to think he possesses

time to assume the role of Healthy Service-Minded Clerk

all smiles and attentive eyes

stoically ignoring the glimpse of his own reflexion

in the counter's shining surface

paleness, redness, dark rings

heavy eyelids, parted lips

nostrils flaring with a burbling sniffle

and another, and another

locked in a losing battle with gravity

looking up to greet the Customer, finding

light eyes, dark hair, smart coat

a small jolt of starstruck recognition before

an Oxford blue box of

Penhaligon's Blenheim Bouquet cologne

is placed before him

an excellent choice

one that his own nose would find very agreeable

had it been in a condition to smell anything at all

lavender, amalfi lemon, lime

musk, pine and black pe -

(black... p-pepper... )

"Very good, sir - Would that be all, sir? - Wrapped as a gift? - Certainly, sir"

grateful for an excuse to turn his back

even for a second

the knuckle of a forefinger going to his top lip

his nose suddenly crawling with tickles

eyes watering

breath caught

with little energy left to fight it

he is forced to succumb

directing a rather undignified "Ha'ffphSHh!" into his shoulder

before he can turn his attention back

to the task at hand

only to freeze in horror

realizing too late

his nose is leaking, dripping from the tip

both his hands occupied, tangled in tape and dark purple wrapping

with no chance to catch it in time

there it falls and

there it is

sitting on the lid of

the partly-wrapped box of Blenheim Bouquet

one tiny droplet but still one too many

the technical evidence of his wretched cold

as if any more proof was needed

blushing furiously and

mentally kicking himself

for letting it happen

for not bringing tissues

but mostly for getting out of bed in the first place

he looks around for something

to use to wipe the box

too embarrassed to notice

that his breath is hitching again

the tickle in his nose alive and kicking

two seconds of fruitless searching and

he is doubled over once more

twice more, thrice more

as he straightens -

"You sound like you could use these"

there's Richard E Grant

offering him a pack of tissues across the counter

a sympathetic smile on the actor's face

stuttered thanks

mumbled apologies

and a(n empty) promise to go home to bed -

"Before that cold turns into something nastier"

not before his shift is finished

not before his remaining three hours have gone by

and gone clink

"Good afternoon - Thank you for your purchase!"

...

Darjeeling

the Himalayas

cupping his nose, blowing tiredly

he tries to picture it

far-away voices and smells, his waiting adventure

he only has to get through this day

and he'll be one step closer

as well as one anecdote richer

"That one time when I accidentally dripped on Richard E Grant's cologne..."

(clink)

[Nebula]

I absolutely love this! It is beautifully written and the words flow really nicely in the particular structure you've written them in. It's quite unique, I must say. Plus the mental image of Benedict in this situation really is the stuff dreams are made of. Really well done!

[Spoo]

This is actually REALLY cool, VoOs. So realistic and beautiful! You would really think that English is your first language, just because you do such gorgeous things with it.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

I feel about as weird saying I loved this as you sound like you did writing it...but, I have to, because I did (love it).

[tma]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

: This is just so insanely good that I don't even know where to start.

The descriptions, the inner thoughts, the absolutely amazing mental pictures that it had in my head.

kjdhsafohaerohafkdh!!!

:wub: :wub:

[HoneyBunny]

Wow. This is insanely hot. I'mma need to breathe into a bag now

Also, the poem-like structure of this is really cool. I've never read a sneezefic like this before, but it works surprisingly well!

[squealofapproval]

OH MY GOD U KILLING ME HERE THAT WAS PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT

[tma]

Isn't she *insane* - I mean- I seriously think- that is too much perfect BCness and then there is *more*. And then there are drawings of too....

[squealofapproval]

Yep

[ichixshiro14]

I.love.this. Fantastic imagery!